I’m having a little issue of sorts at the moment. Well, it’s not really all that little. It’s actually starting to be a HUGE bone of contention. One that I’m about to beat the crap out of my husband with. Both the bone AND the contention.
Poker.
Yeah. I hate it. I’m so freaking over this. Every flipping week. Whether I care that he’s doing it or not.
I totally get that guys need to be like Neanderthals, being smelly and vile and competitive. I get that. It’s a total guy testosterone thing. I’m cool with it. Except when it’s at my house that ends up smelling like a college dorm room between the farting, the beer and the phallic cigar smoking (which, they do outside but it’s the residual odor)
But what I don’t understand, and this is one of the reasons that men and women are so obviously from different galaxies…
Why do it every single week if it’s going to cause problems with how your wife feels about you?
Why?
Knowing that the MAIN reason your wife didn’t screw you last night was because you lied about never playing cards on a Saturday night again. Ever. And your wife is fucking sick of it. Well, that and the constant picking and judging. That’s a wife’s job to do to the husband and THIS wife isn’t going to stand for it any longer…
Yet, it doesn’t matter because YOU want to play cards and that’s all YOU care about. Yourself. Your spoiled, selfish, inconsiderate self. I say that with the most love and respect that I can muster, considering the circumstances.
And I mean “You” in the most general sense, directing it at most men who play cards every week, despite the protesting going on at home…not just towards MY particular male Neanderthal. Although, he is getting the brunt of it.
Let’s be real. If the husband mentioned to his beautiful, lovely and mostly understanding wife that he was tired and sick of her going to the strip clubs every single week to stare at a half erect male penis while sticking dollar bills with her mouth in g-strings…(because women don’t really play poker, do they?)
Chances are, the wife would start going every other week. Right? And THAT was only a scenario. Not anything that I would ever do. I went once and was completely grossed out by the dazed looks and flaccid grossness. Not to even mention that the behavior of women at a male strip club was…well…embarrassing. I was mortified to be of the female species when I was at Danny’s in Windsor. You women were vomitatious. Not to mention desperate and pathetic.
Anywhoo…I digress. Wait, where was I??
Oh yes.
Poker. Neanderthals.
Women.
So anyways. I’m over this poker thing. It’s either every other week or you aren’t getting any more blow jobs. Dead. Serious.
And THAT…was directed entirely at my husband.
Because if I get what I want, which isn’t so much to ask. Besides, it’s not like I’m banning poker altogether. Then you get what you want. Which is…poker AND blow jobs which, generally speaking, you know I’m fine with…
It’s a win-win. And who can’t appreciate a situation like that?
OMG, Melissa–I just about choked on my lunch reading this, I laughed so hard!
I’m with you on the guys who think the wife’s feelings/opinions on something he wants to do is WRONG and WE need to put up with it. Sure, we don’t have to share all their interests, and, sure, to tell guys that they can’t do anything they want to do is wrong. But, heck, when you offer a compromise on something that causes you discomfort…THAT’S US BEING NICE AND REASONABLE!
When my husband has asked things of me, I always try to accommodate. As *you* know, at one point I was dang too accommodating. But, even now, I haven’t asked him to give up everything in his life for me. Sigh.
My husband plays poker. And smokes cigars. When he goes to another’s house for it, he comes home and showers and puts all his clothes in the laundry room before he comes to bed. That’s my compromise. When the gang is over here…well, we happen to have a BARN, and that’s where they’re banished…and the same rules of showering and clothes in the laundry apply.
By any chance do you have a barn handy? š
(And, you know what? I even fixed up that barn to look like a western bar for them. But is that enough? Sigh…..)
.-= Michele´s last blog ..Debt Doesn’t Determine Your Financial Health–Your Attitude Does =-.
So how do you REALLY feel? haha
#poorph
.-= Melisa with one S (PH)´s last blog ..On Judging Books By Their Covers: Don’t. =-.
Hahaha! You tell him!!!
WOW you had me at Blow jobs.
That’s a way to get peeps to the site.
LOL!
.-= Susan´s last blog ..I’m a Doubting Thomas =-.
I am appalled by your blog. Some things do not belong out there. You need a priivate diary.
Seems like a reasonable compromise. Definitely a win/win.
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..Clean sweep =-.
Darling eldest daughter. Don’t air your dirty linens in public. If you can’t get your husband to grow up, then you need to speak to someone who can act as an intermediary and make your point. Serious business!!!
Some folks need need to loosen up already. Read something else!!! I just don’t understand someone’s need to leave comments when they disapprove. If you don’t like the channel, change it! Besides, if you weren’t googling “blow jobs,” you probably wouldn’t have found her blog to begin with!
Sorry, didn’t mean to go off on a tangent. The withholding method works pretty well at my house. I’d be pissed about a weekly card game, too. At least with my husband’s excessive hunting trips I have a few months between season to forget how pissed I get. LOL!
.-= LB´s last blog ..The Girliest of Girls Tries Softball =-.
By the way, intimate details of your sex life are not things that you post on the blogasphere for everyone in the world to read. In addition, sex is supposed to be pleasuable for BOTH people.
Oh I love this.
When my parents die I’ll go ahead and publish their emails begging me to shut the fuck up.
.-= Jessica Gottlieb´s last blog ..Friday Confession: iPhone and Google Phone =-.
Baha! This the greatest post! Yes, Jessica, the comments were a must read as well. First off, goodnight! We all have sex, we all have spousal issues, we vent on the blogosphere. I don’t quite recall a relationship ultimatum in the post. I also don’t doubt that there is communication going on between the two of you regarding the weekly card games. *dives off the lighten up soap box*
If I weren’t such a total horn ball, I’d withhold sex (and sex stuff). But….
(How’s that for TMI?)
Maybe you should start going to strip clubs every week! I’ll join you!
.-= Another Suburban Mom´s last blog ..Ode to Cookies =-.
I have to agree. Cigars stink. I absolutely insist that if you smoke a cigar it MUST be a good cigar. None of that cheap crappy tobacco. And it MUST have been rolled on the thighs of virgins also. So that is the only way to smoke a cigar around me.
And Dannys. My friends broke out in tears at that place. Tears of joy at the dancer that was a dead ringer for Jean Claude VanDam and embarrassment having that garbage in your their face. š so 50/50 on that fantasy I guess…
.-= Juanita´s last blog ..Portability in the Twitter World via @jchronowski47 =-.
Just wanted to come here to wave “HI!” to your mom.
.-= Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..Fat Ass Girls Stand Up ā Flashback Saturday =-.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. and then blog about it.
.-= Lex (@laprimera)´s last blog ..oh goodness =-.
Fucking fuckers. My husband got wasted a few weekends ago and then yesterday wanted to go out again and repeat the event! I pretty much told him that it was a bad idea and if he even THINKS about doing that shit again I’ll kill him.
Withholding the good stuff for him until appropriate behaviour is achieved? I approve! It is used in parenting, so why not with the husband?
.-= Shan´s last blog ..Ode to the Sucky Inny Thing =-.
I’m so glad I don’t have this issue with my man. Particularly the cigar thing. Hell, I never had that problem with That Guy I Married either. I think maybe *I’m* the asshole spouse who goes out too much but even then it’s mostly curtailed and I *try* to include the man when applicable.
Waving to you parents, who took the time to publicly admonish you. If my father were alive and in the know of my blog I’m not sure if he’d congratulate me or flame me but my mother would definitely say “Honey, act like a lady.” Really the only mom I worry about is N’s mom because rumor has it, she reads my blog. Though given my behavior over the last 5 years I’m sure it wouldn’t surprise her…
.-= Jill´s last blog ..Hanging by a moment =-.
Sounds like a weekly night out for YOU might take the edge off A movie? An extravagant shopping excursion? Driving around sans kids for three hours enjoying some solitude?
.-= Country-Fried Mama´s last blog ..These toddler sleep issues will never end. Not that Iām a pessimist, or anything. =-.
I don’t really care fi my husband plays poker because frankly, i don’t really want him around anyway. But in MY house? NEVER he can go out and do whatever he wants, but he and his neaderthal idiot friends ARE NOT welcome to stinkify my house with their smells and their farts and their presence.
*I should note, my husband hardly ever goes out to play poker, and his friends are fine men. But they are still not welcome to have poker night here, and thank god I have three little kids to justify my position on that argument.