I try to remember who I’m dealing with and take her actions for what they are worth. Which are nothing more than selfish and pathetic excuses for piss poor parenting and a raging case of personality disorders.
But. I’m so pissed. Smoke erupting from the top of my head, ears and nose. Eyes rolling. Frothy rabid mouth.
Frustrated. Resentful. Seething.
As you know, I’ve gone back to school. I’m taking 7 credits, which is two classes. It’s all I have time for. It’s all I could afford at this point.
As you know. The bio mom is back in school too. She, on the other hand, is taking a full load. 4 classes. Because she signed up for one of those government grants. And she got the full amount that one is eligible to receive because she claimed…get this one…she is a mom to 5 kids. Hers and her new husbands.
None of them live with her. They have an occasional sleep over. That. Is. It.
She has the time to take those 12 credits. She isn’t raising kids. She doesn’t work. She collects unemployment, thanks to Obama who has enabled this unemployment extension, even though she hasn’t worked in over a year nor has she pursued looking for employment. PLUS. She got a stinking government FAFSA grant to pay for her entire year. She doesn’t have to stop her life to stay home with sick kids. She doesn’t have to do laundry for 7 people.
She has 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. To do with as she pleases.
So why is it that she barely see her kids anymore? She has started using studying as a guise to blow off the fruit of her loins. But what else is new, right? If it isn’t school, it’s headaches and period cramps.
This is all fine and dandy. Except, the thing that is pissing me off more than anything is…
I don’t have that luxury and privilege. I don’t even have that choice.
My study time is limited to an hour here and there. Because, I work so that I can pay for school and whatever other incidental comes along. I have laundry for 7 people. Meals to make. Kids to take care of. A household to run.
I have a life. It’s not just about me.
I am not ALONE. Although, holy hell, sometimes I wish I was.
I can only study during those moments when my life is at a dull roar. I can only do my homework when my life is walking.
Quiet, slow times in my world still are full of ruckus and chaos. I just have to figure out how to block it out and get my stuff done so that I can get decent grades.
I KNOW! I have to get over my anger and resentment towards her. Because all it’s going to achieve is absolutely nothing, except to do what it’s done today and distract me from writing the two poems I have to do for my creative writing class and prevented me from studying for my Business Law quiz. Yeah, that’s all it’s done. Nothing.
While she sat quietly in the library. All day. Studying for her Business Law quiz and whatever else she had. Alone.
And I sat. In my kitchen. Full of noise and activity. Trying to study.
Yet. I got nothing done.
Except for this blog post.