A few common friends led to a friendship suggestion that I chose to not respond to, over on Facebook. It was someone I hadn’t really thought much about over the last 20 years, since we ended our friendship.
Memories, however, came flooding back.
I always felt guilty for the way I chose to break up our relationship. She was, after all, my best friend. We were inseparable. But I was sick of the guilt by association type assumption that guys were making about me. I may have fooled around here and there but it was nothing majorly major and definitely nothing like her.
*I* was nothing like her.
The realization that this was not the friend for me hit me the last time she visited when I was up at college.
She was hot for some guy. As usual. There was always a guy. She was so excited that he was going to come see her while she was visiting me. I didn’t understand why she even bothered coming to visit me that night if all she wanted was to do was get laid.
She called him when she got to my apartment.
He had a favor to ask of me, she said. He was bringing a friend and he wanted to make reservations with my vagina. She made me talk to him on the phone.
He went into this whole speech about his friend and how horny he was. And if I was anything like my friend, well then…
I told him to fuck off. Maybe not in those exact words but probably damn close.
She was pissed as hell at me because after I told her sex partner of the month that I wasn’t for hire, the guys decided not to come for a booty call. What was the point if his friend wasn’t going to get off too.
She had a temper tantrum and sulked the whole rest of her visit. Which, she actually cut short and left that evening instead of staying over.
I dumped her shortly after that incident.
I was honest with her. I told her that she was too slutty and I was sick of people thinking I was too. She made some comments about the fact that I wasn’t so pure and innocent either. Compared to her though, I could, with utmost confidence, wear some shade of white when I eventually got married.
We had been very good friends for a few years. It was an emotional decision because of how close we had been.
The thing that made it even easier to stop being friends with her was finding out that she had slept with my ex-boyfriend. And I had a feeling that it was while I had been dating him. But that remains unconfirmed and now, completely unimportant. Back then, it was very upsetting.
My parents never liked her very much, from the beginning of our friendship. They found her to be hard and unimpressive. She was not their favorite of my friends.
It’s funny how, in retrospect and from modern day experience, parents know what the heck they are talking about.
When I saw her avatar picture on Facebook, I was surprised by her looking very much like she did when we were younger.
I hope, for her, that her appearance is the only thing that didn’t change much. As guilty and sad as I felt all those years ago when I ended our friendship, I never looked back. And just because Facebook suggested our reunion, I’m going to have to press ignore on that one.
Besides, she probably wouldn’t accept a friendship request from me anyways. Chances are, she never forgot or forgave my reason for not wanting to be friends with her anymore.
Facebook friend suggestions are based on common friends not on a whole life story. I don’t friend people just because, I’m not into the number game. My Facebook friends are my friends, not people that I stopped being friends with for negative reasons.
I don’t even friend my old boyfriends.
Besides, in a couple months when Facebook starts charging for it’s usage, I’ll have no friends on there anyways. Because I sure as hell am not paying just to update my status with lyrics of a song that’s in my head or an updated link to my blogpost.
I can do that all on Twitter, where it’s free and there are no old friends haunting me.
P.S. OK. I’m thinking the Facebook thing is an un-confirmed rumor.