A few common friends led to a friendship suggestion that I chose to not respond to, over on Facebook. It was someone I hadn’t really thought much about over the last 20 years, since we ended our friendship.
Memories, however, came flooding back.
I always felt guilty for the way I chose to break up our relationship. She was, after all, my best friend. We were inseparable. But I was sick of the guilt by association type assumption that guys were making about me. I may have fooled around here and there but it was nothing majorly major and definitely nothing like her.
*I* was nothing like her.
The realization that this was not the friend for me hit me the last time she visited when I was up at college.
She was hot for some guy. As usual. There was always a guy. She was so excited that he was going to come see her while she was visiting me. I didn’t understand why she even bothered coming to visit me that night if all she wanted was to do was get laid.
She called him when she got to my apartment.
He had a favor to ask of me, she said. He was bringing a friend and he wanted to make reservations with my vagina. She made me talk to him on the phone.
He went into this whole speech about his friend and how horny he was. And if I was anything like my friend, well then…
I told him to fuck off. Maybe not in those exact words but probably damn close.
She was pissed as hell at me because after I told her sex partner of the month that I wasn’t for hire, the guys decided not to come for a booty call. What was the point if his friend wasn’t going to get off too.
She had a temper tantrum and sulked the whole rest of her visit. Which, she actually cut short and left that evening instead of staying over.
I dumped her shortly after that incident.
I was honest with her. I told her that she was too slutty and I was sick of people thinking I was too. She made some comments about the fact that I wasn’t so pure and innocent either. Compared to her though, I could, with utmost confidence, wear some shade of white when I eventually got married.
We had been very good friends for a few years. It was an emotional decision because of how close we had been.
The thing that made it even easier to stop being friends with her was finding out that she had slept with my ex-boyfriend. And I had a feeling that it was while I had been dating him. But that remains unconfirmed and now, completely unimportant. Back then, it was very upsetting.
My parents never liked her very much, from the beginning of our friendship. They found her to be hard and unimpressive. She was not their favorite of my friends.
It’s funny how, in retrospect and from modern day experience, parents know what the heck they are talking about.
When I saw her avatar picture on Facebook, I was surprised by her looking very much like she did when we were younger.
I hope, for her, that her appearance is the only thing that didn’t change much. As guilty and sad as I felt all those years ago when I ended our friendship, I never looked back. And just because Facebook suggested our reunion, I’m going to have to press ignore on that one.
Besides, she probably wouldn’t accept a friendship request from me anyways. Chances are, she never forgot or forgave my reason for not wanting to be friends with her anymore.
Facebook friend suggestions are based on common friends not on a whole life story. I don’t friend people just because, I’m not into the number game. My Facebook friends are my friends, not people that I stopped being friends with for negative reasons.
I don’t even friend my old boyfriends.
Besides, in a couple months when Facebook starts charging for it’s usage, I’ll have no friends on there anyways. Because I sure as hell am not paying just to update my status with lyrics of a song that’s in my head or an updated link to my blogpost.
I can do that all on Twitter, where it’s free and there are no old friends haunting me.
P.S. OK. I’m thinking the Facebook thing is an un-confirmed rumor.
Joni Golden says
I got an email last year from a friend who wanted advice: A girl from high school had sent her a friend request, and she didn’t want to accept it, because the classmate had been a real drama queen, and she was sure nothing much had changed. Sometimes, it’s just best to leave the past in the past.
On the other hand, I re-kindled (if that’s an appropriate word) a friendship with a woman based on a Facebook friend request. We had a huge falling out several years ago. I’d heard she’d gotten married and lost her mom, and I was feeling a little bad about not being there for her. And then I got a Friend suggestion from Facebook. I deleted it, but it kept coming back. So I sent her a note, and we patched things up.
I’m pretty sure I had a point, but now I can’t remember what it was.
I have to agree with you. I don’t just add friends because they are suggested to me. I also am going to refuse to pay for facebook like you.
Lauren @ MOMMY IS ROCK N ROLL says
I am very picky when it comes to friending people on Facebook. I couldn’t care less about getting reacquainted with my friends from high school so anytime I get a request from someone from HS I deny it. Even if there is no bad blood between us. But that’s just me.
I agree. Bad blood or not, what’s the point in bringing up the past. I have friended people in the past, either by them requesting me or I have looked for them out of curiosity and more and I am realizing it’s not really worth it. You may talk to the person for a little while, get reaquainted but then you hardly talk to them after that. They’re there, you can see what they’re up to but you don’t bother talking to them. Seems silly. I deleted a whole lot of people after awhile because of that.
Dionna @ Code Name: Mama says
Wow – I seriously read the whole post waiting for you to say something like “the friend was alcohol” or something allegorical. But it was a real person?! Just wow.
On a different note, are you serious about FB starting to charge people? Random rumor or verified fact?
.-= Dionna @ Code Name: Mama´s last blog ..Scuba TV =-.
I think friend suggestions could be good; if it’s someone you lost touch with over time and just didn’t have an opportunity to say hi, but in that case…definitely ignore.
And is it a fact that Facebook is going to charge people? Because I’m totally deleting my account now in that case.
.-= Sarcastica´s last blog ..Scuba TV =-.
Um…what the heck is with the recent post Scuba TV? I didn’t write that lmfao
.-= Sarcastica´s last blog ..Scuba TV =-.
Girl— you startin rumors?? Is FB really going to start going to start charging?? WTH!?!
As for your toxic friend– you are so better off!
FB knows nothing about who you should be friends with — just like they know nothing about who people should “reconnect with”.. for a month or so I kept getting a pop up to reconnect with a friend of mine who had passed away. Thanks for the reminder FB.
.-= complicatedmama´s last blog ..Hope for Haiti & Justin Timberlake made me thirteen again =-.
First of all, the FB rumor is just that… a rumor.
Second of all… Good for you!! I rather like that *Ignore* button cause there’s no confrontation. You just press, and POOF, they’re gone!
That’s a relationship that is best left in the pass where it belongs.
.-= Carolyn´s last blog ..Scuba TV =-.
I think Facebook is evil ;o
.-= amotherworld´s last blog ..Maryland Zoo partners with the B&O Railroad, Maryland Science Center, and Port Discovery for the Months of January and February. =-.
I think Facebook is evil ;o
Tara R. says
I don’t blame you for not going there.
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..Weekly Winners ~ accessorize, accessorize =-.
I just had a heated debate about this with a friend: Forgive, forget and friend or ignore on Facebook? She was of the mind that people change and let the past be in the past. I was more in the camp that if we have reason not to call each other on the phone or meet for coffee, why in the hell would be do otherwise online?
Also, good for you ending that toxic relationship early.
.-= MomZombie´s last blog ..Maryland Zoo partners with the B&O Railroad, Maryland Science Center, and Port Discovery for the Months of January and February. =-.
LizzB (@hereslizz) says
Do they sell black wedding dresses?
My old boyfriend is a douche …and abusive douche and luckily hasn’t been suggested to me, which is odd since we have so many “in common” people. I’ll see him from time to time commenting on a mutual friend’s status. Meh.
And FB is not going to start charging for use.
.-= LizzB (@hereslizz)´s last blog ..Maryland Zoo partners with the B&O Railroad, Maryland Science Center, and Port Discovery for the Months of January and February. =-.
Kate, aka guavalicious says
Damn, I have done some pretty stupid stuff in pursuit of a guy but yeah, that is downright dumb. On Facebook, I am of the “friend me rather than me friend you” school of thought. Then at least I know they have some, perhaps passing, interest in reconnecting.
.-= Kate, aka guavalicious´s last blog ..The Nightmares of Moms =-.
It’s weird–I’ve found some of my old HS classmates that I didn’t hang out to be a lot friendlier on FB (now that they’ve grown up) than the people I was closest with. I think the reasons some of my old friendships died off are the same reasons we don’t find the need to interact much on FB. I have no problem hitting ignore or when people ignore me. That’s the reason it’s set up to give users a choice over whom to connect with.
.-= Deb´s last blog ..In real life =-.
I’m always just amazed when people with whom I parted ways in a difficult manner want to be my FBriend. Did they not remember why we stopped being friends?
.-= patois´s last blog ..Yes, Officer =-.
She who knows says
You can build a reputation over a lifetime and lose it in a minute. I am quoting he who knows.
Who was the boyfriend?
Laughing so hard about “make a reservation with my vagina.” SO funny.
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..Hey you guuuuuuys =-.
Kathy Streeter says
Agreed on the FB friending thing. Love your blog!!
FB charging is a hoax. Go to http://www.snopes.com/computer/internet/fbcharge.asp
dysfunctional mom says
I definintely think you’re making the right decision. Facebook doesn’t get to tell us who we should reconnect with!
He Who Laughs Last says
I recently had a great friend that I had to get rid of. I call her my “toxic” friend. I too, felt like I was being judged by other people for her behavior. I still feel some hurt from not having her in my life, but know in the long run, this was a friendship that was only going to hold me back. Thanks for sharing!
You are funny!
I always click on “Ignore All” to all those thingies in the box on the upper right. I have no time to tend fake crops in Farmvile nor am I interested in taking a quiz to find out my earth sign.
If she sent me a friend request, I’d probably accept. People do stupid things when they are young and in heat. I’ve actually started friendships with people who I thought were complete assholes in high school via facebook. People change. We all grow up, get married, get a mortgage, etc. All the sudden those little things seem so trivial. Of course, I’ve been graduated from high school for 25 years. If she hasn’t requested, though, I’d certainly not initiate anything.
.-= LB´s last blog ..The Big G Speaks =-.