I’m not sure about blogging anymore.
I don’t know if it’s just a phase I’m in or what but, I keep asking myself what the point is of this whole gig. I don’t fit in a niche. I’m not a Mommy Blogger, per se. I’m another Mom with a blog. But it’s not going anywhere or doing anything. So where do I fit in?
I’m not sure what it’s accomplishing for me or for any greater good anywhere on this planet. I love my friends that I’ve made through blogging and Twitter. I love my blog. But I am having a really hard time looking a life as a blog post lately.
I know that I want to write. Which is why I blog, kind of. But I’m not sure what it is that I want to be writing or what I want to do with it once I write it. I feel like I have so many story ideas that are ready to burst yet I don’t have the proper tools to give them the proper life. It’s frustrating.
Yesterday, during my Creative Writing class, we watched a film with three famous, modern day poets. Robert Bly, Marilyn Chin and Jimmy Santiago Baca. In this film, they read some of their work but they were also interviewed.
I was transfixed. Mesmerized.
I hung on to every word that they uttered. Their poems. Their interviews. The two become one. Their words, poetry. I am in awe of their art. I am envious of their gift.
I want that. I want to emanate. To radiate. To exhale. Poetry. Song. Prose.
Something happened inside me yesterday. Watching that film.
I can’t explain it. Because I have no idea what it is. It’s this feeling. This burning. Yearning.
I was completely blown away by how intense my desire to write really is. I can feel it in my chest. In my stomach. In my mouth. In my mind.
It’s frustrating. I don’t know if it’s fear, laziness or lack of self confidence that is holding me back. Could be lack of time?
But I do know that writing here. On my blog. I’m not doing something right. For me. For my blog.
I can’t put my finger on it though. I want it…me…to be something else. Not the drama of Twitter or the drama of trying to get my children to behave. Something more. Something…I don’t know…bigger. Greater. And I’m not talking about money or fame. I’m talking content.
I keep trying to reach for it. For that idea. That dream that will tell me what I want to know. But, my arms aren’t long enough, even when I stand on my tippy toes.
Not yet.
Wow, I’m so glad I’ve gotten better acquainted with you through our swap. Your goals and dreams sound so much like mine! I was a creative writing nerd in college and have spent the last 10 years slowly dying in trade press. I started the blog last April just to try to make myself write, to share, to put myself out there and see what happened. Clearly, the blog has not taken off. Actually, I’ve got less traffic than when I started now that the curiosity factor among friends and fam have died down. I don’t have a ton of time to comment and network and it shows in my stats. But I agree with you that it should be about the content, so I keep at it. One of my resolutions was to try to take it to the next level, though, so I’m trying to rewrite some of my blog posts to submit to magazines and contests. I’m rusty, but motivated. Here’s a link I found listing lots of places to submit: http://www.newpages.com/literary/submissions.htm If writing is something that’s important to you, I encourage you to go for it. Think about how writing makes you feel and try not to dwell on the format–just keep trying. Good luck!
.-= Deb´s last blog ..You never come out the way you went in =-.
Girl, I’m right there with ya on the blog thing. Going through the exact same thing. What’s the point? Is it worth the work?
Melissa.. I have been with you from the beginning..way back with MSP.. I enjoy your posts and I know whatever direction you take this blog I will continue to support and follow. You have a talent for writing. Your path will appear and you will know which way to go.. xoxoxoxo
.-= Kim´s last blog ..Casting Call – Long Island Portrait Photographer =-.
I so get it.
.-= Susan´s last blog ..Legacy =-.
I think (or know) you’re not alone in feeling like this. I think about blogging a lot and what the point of it is. Whenever I’ve read your blog I’ve enjoyed your writing and felt like the content is interesting and has a good style. But I totally get feeling disconnected from it too. I find blogging to be all at once immensely satisfying and extremely frustrating. Whatever you choose to do, good luck!
.-= Lady Mama´s last blog ..Time for a change: from pen and ink to hands and oils. =-.
You can reach it, and your friends will always be there to lift you up. Your writing is real and it touched whoever reads it.
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday ~ water sprites =-.
Why not test more of your writing out on us? I loved the poem, and you know you have an audience!
I love your blog and clearly you have a passion for writing…why does it need to be one or the other? But I do get what you’re saying…do what makes you a happy lady!
There is a book I think you should read, Writing Down The Bones by Natalie Goldberg. I think you will get a lot out of it and it might just help you put things into perspective.
I know exactly how you feel and this book really helped get me going.
.-= Robin´s last blog ..Revelations =-.
That’s what’s so great about a blog and your blog. It doesn’t have to fit into any sort of niche. Your content is only for yourself and a place to express yourself. The fact that you are a mother makes you a “mommy blogger” as well as just a “blogger” period. Your content doesn’t make or define your label. My blog is called a “daddy blog” by some, but I certainly write about many other things than just being a dad.
Your blog is what you make it and it should only be what makes you feel satisfaction from it. It is your tool for expression, express yourself.
Perhaps what’s missing is a reservation in your content based on who reads it. I know I certainly struggle with that aspect.
.-= Hockeymandad´s last blog ..Dribbling =-.
Go to my blog page and read me, today. It’s my response to the 100 Word Challenge. There’s an applet in the uper left sidebar – click it and it will take you to the (easy) rules page.
Jump in.
It is an exercise for your mind. It truly is. It makes you THINK and EDIT and BE PRECISE. It makes you WRITE.
And, if and when you’re ready, come join us on ‘The Inferno’ – the second applet in the right hand sidebar.
.-= lceel´s last blog ..100 Word Challenge – Breakfast =-.
I like that your blog isn’t a standard mommy blog!! Don’t stop!
.-= Jeanette´s last blog ..20/365 – bike-riding flower pickers =-.
I ask myself this question all the time. Why do I keep doing this? What is the purpose, the benefit? Honestly, it’s a discipline. I do it to keep on writing and to see what happens with it. There was a time when not one single soul ever looked at or commented on my blog. Not that the numbers are really amazing these days. The point is I have my own little place on the Internet to do with what I wish. Keep trying new things. Reinvent your site with a new purpose but keep it up!
.-= MomZombie´s last blog ..Why can’t I say good-bye to you? =-.
Writing down the bones is an excellent book! I’ve had it for years and refer back to it once in awhile. I think you’d like it!
.-= Miss Behavin´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday (sort of): Classic Comfort Food =-.
Try different gendres….
humor, chick lit, poetry, satire, prose, playwriting…..
one of them will grab you and you will know…….
.-= The Retired One´s last blog ..Hoarfrost! =-.
Mommy blogging is starting to not be as fun as it used to be. If you want to take a break, take a break. If you want to write something else, do it! We will support you!
You got some great advice already. I wish you luck!
Whatever it is you decide to do later on. I’ll be there. Reading you. As always.XO
.-= Brenda´s last blog ..I’ll be back =-.
Do whatever you gots to do.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Mail Box Fail + Bloggies =-.
If your fire has gone out, then don’t force the flame to ignite. Light the fire elsewhere. Maybe it will burn more brightly there.
But d00d. Don’t disappear! Cuz we’d miss you.
.-= LizzB (@hereslizz)´s last blog ..The Big One =-.
Given that having found your blog prompted me to update my blogroll and my Google Reader I hope you realize that the niche you fill is the truly entertaining, well-written (ok, not yet poetic) say-it-like-it-is blog arena, which frankly needs people like you.
I related to what you said. It’s year 4 and I still slog away wondering “What the hell…”
Anyway–keep doin’ what you do, and I can’t wait to read the words that you feel more inspired writing.
.-= Gray Matter Matters´s last blog ..Sometimes it’s good to have a lawyer in the house =-.
I get it. I’m right there with you. I have more “draft” posts than published posts because I always think – WTF?!
Maybe together we can try to work through whatever it is that’s holding us back. But maybe we’re not being held back. Maybe it’s a process and what we’re going through now is just a step in that process to get us to where we want to be.
Or maybe it’s 1am and I need some sleep 😉
.-= Rebecca Jones´s last blog ..Dinner AKA The Night We Pissed Off The Subway Guy =-.