I was introduced, at a slightly older age, to prejudice. Well, maybe I was just more aware of it by the time I was in 7th grade, especially because it was directed towards me.
A Jew.
This girl. She was a grade older than me and one of the rougher kids. She wasn’t thrilled with the fact that my locker was next to her boyfriend of the moment. She was even less thrilled with the fact that she caught him flirting with me.
She blindsided me.
I was opening up my typical, standard, puke orange middle school locker. I had my lock dangling in the palm of my hand, and I was manipulating the numbers with my other. My book bag was between my knees. Suddenly…I was being punched in my back. Numerous times. Hard.
My books and my body lay in a heap on the floor, with this girl on top of me. Punching me.
The English teacher had to pull her off of me. I never had a chance to hit back. I’m not sure I would have even known how.
Each punch she threw, she also was spewing out hateful words like “kike” and “filthy, dirty Jew”.
I didn’t get hurt. I did, however, get a taste of reality.
Some ignorant people don’t like Jews. We are sometimes used as an excuse. Scapegoats. It was a quick, harsh lesson in the ways of the world.
She didn’t like that I was Jewish and that her boyfriend was talking to me. Both reasons were good enough for her to want to hurt me. She wouldn’t ever admit the fact that she was jealous though.
The funny thing is, she was half Jewish. Her mothers side.
She was given a suspension. I was given lessons on how to punch hard.
I never had to. She never bothered me again.
That wasn’t the last time my religion was used like a curse directed at me.
I was standing at the bus stop. It was 6:40am. Fall, so it was a brisk morning. I was shivering along with a couple of the other neighborhood kids, hopping from one foot to the other to try to keep warm.
My across the street neighbor. A girl I used to play Barbies and have sleepovers with. An old friend.
She came running, breathless. She only had a couple minutes to spare before she would have missed the ride. She looked at me, panting. Giggling. Unaware that there were other people standing there whose attention she had as well. And she says, “You know what? I have the funniest thing floating through my head. Go fly a kike. Go fly a kike.”
She was laughing. I was stunned. I don’t think I even responded and I’m pretty sure that the bus came and saved me from stuttering a stupid insult back at her.
There have been other incidents. Ignorance. Stupidity. And outright hatred.
Because of religion.
Then today. On Twitter, Scary Mommy let us know that her new Nanny. One who came to her with glowing credentials. Told her that her son looked like a “Jew boy” and blushed when told that is indeed, EXACTLY, what he is.
Really though? What does it mean to “look like a Jew”? Dark curly hair? Dark brown eyes? Horns. A forked tongue.
My mom. 100% Jewish. She has blond hair and blue eyes. She. Is a “Jew Woman”. My kids. They have light hair and light eyes. THEY. Are Jew Boys and Jew Girls.
I have been told. On way more occasions than I like to remember, that I “don’t look Jewish.”
Really.
This made my heart sink. For her. And for us, the Jews. For humankind.
No matter how many years go by.
No matter how many horrific things happen. In the name of religion.
No matter what.
This prejudice. This…ignorance. It follows us. Like a forked tongue and horns.
Skin color. Religion. Hair cuts. Bad teeth.
Not a good enough reason.
Prejudice…
It scares the shit out of me.
Like a quote I saw many years ago on the wall of my 8th grade Social Studies class…
“History repeats itself because no one listens the first time.”
And there is way too much bad that can happen again, all in the name of religion, because of deaf ears and closed minds.
Let’s see if we can’t make a change in this new decade, eh? Let’s see if we can keep history from ever making the same mistakes again.
Ready this post and about ScaryMommy’s experience with her nanny was a shock. I had no idea that this level of prejudice was still out there. Sad.
.-= Kate, aka guavalicious´s last blog ..You’d Like Me, You’d Really Really Like Me =-.
Unbelievable, isn’t it? How do you even discuss such a thing? It’s so shocking that people still think this way. I have trouble wrapping my mind around it.
.-= Michele´s last blog ..WEEKEND MUSINGS: Riding the Wheel of Fortune =-.
I am always in such awe of the Jewish faith and its traditions — mainly because I never met a Jewish person until I was an adult, but also because it is amazes me that a culture can retain so much of itself in the face of such perpetual persecution.
While it is no solace, living in the South made me face prejudice on a daily basis. While you’d think only black people get the jokes and comments, us Latinos are even lower on the totem pole. We were when I was a child and we still are now. It’s sad and it’s sick and it will continue as long as adults teach hatred and bigotry to their offspring.
I will hope and pray along with you that we finally see the end of the ignorance.
I was brought up knowing absolutely nothing about the Jewish faith, at least nothing correct. It wasn’t until I was in high school and reading about comparative religion that I became aware that what I had been told was totally wrong. It is ignorance and fear. I’m trying to break that cycle with my own children.
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..Needing some political schooling =-.
I jumped over from Scary Mommy and now I love you.
I’m sorry that the world is full of morons.
I was on the receiving end of being in the minority — I’m white of Irish/English descent — when I lived in Hawaii. I got to have a sense of what others go through. But it was something I could leave behind when I returned to the mainland. I can’t imagine having always lived with it. I didn’t read Scary Mommy’s stuff — I was out all day today — but I’m sure it’s horrific. I don’t know what to say beyond standing up and saying, “It won’t happen when I’m around.”
Now, one nitpicky thing, ‘k? Just among us friends? I take exception to your line “People don’t like Jews.” That’s not true of me. That’s not true of all. I think you meant “Some people,” yes?
.-= patois´s last blog ..Sleeping on the Job =-.
I have also been told I don’t “look Jewish”. The one I hate is when I say “I’m Jewish”, and the person I’m telling that to says, “NO YOU’RE NOT!” (huh???)
Great post; between yours and Scary Mommy’s, hopefully some ignorance will be corrected tonight. xoxo
.-= Melisa with one S (PH)´s last blog ..Dinner With A Five Year Old =-.
Ugh. I just heard about Scary Mommy and her experience. How awful. And How awful with your own experiences as well!
I am Jewish, too. Well, technically half-Jewish but I also practice Judaism, married Jewish, and will raise my child Jewish. What does “Jewish” look like? My son is very fair, has long blond curly hair, and big blue eyes. So does his 100% Jewish grandmother, Uncle and many other relatives. My Jewish family has small noses, big noses, dark curly hair, straight blond hair, red hair, light skin, freckles, etc… Needless to say, the “Jewish look” doesn’t compute in our family.
I have never experienced racist or anti-Semitic insults and I can’t imagine how I would react if I did. I hope I never find out. However, the insults directed towards other people of the same ethnicity and religion as me tend hit me hard, too. I’m sad for you and for Jill to have experienced such ignorance and prejudice. I hope you both never experience it again.
.-= Aimee @ Ain’t Yo Mama’s Blog´s last blog ..Big Brother (Part II) =-.
Kelly is so right about Latinos in the South. I once had a friend tell me she just loved my beautiful brown babies. Really? I am so sorry Melissa that you have had to go through all of this and even more sorry that it continues with this new generation and Scary Mommy. I was raised Roman Catholic but no longer practice. My parents always encouraged me to visit churches of other faiths so that I may know a little about every one of my friends and grow to be welcoming to everyone. I pass that along to my girls and being young, they at times will say something ignorant. Because they are ignorant. And it’s MY JOB to teach them. Thank you for reminding me that the most hurtful words are the ones that are spoken without thought. There are so many offensive words and phrases that are tossed around so carelessly and unless people are called out on what they are saying, they will never recognize that it’s hurtful. Next time someone offends you please stand up for yourself! You are no longer in 7th grade and you have every right as a human being to demand respect for yourself. If it helps, you have me standing beside you.
its a terrible terrible thing that happened to both you and Jill.
It gets me so mad and upset hearing the stories the both of you have posted.
So sad that in 2010, this kind of ignorance still lives on.
.-= complicatedmama´s last blog ..My Keurig: Addicitive? or Magical? you decide. =-.
Leigh said it well. I’m sorry too, that there are so many morons in the world.
Came over from Jill’s post.
Bigotry scares the eff outta me. So sad that so much ignorance is in the world.
I’m sorry for what you went through. I hope our collective effort continues to eliminate such nastiness.
Thanks for sharing this, Melissa. Sad this still goes on, and is so… out there.
My husband is Jewish, and I’ve been amazed by what people will say and do and think nothing of it. I got my first exposure to racism when I dated a black man 20 years ago. People just flat out stared. At one restaurant, the hostess walked us past rows of empty tables and sat us in the back, by the kitchen. It’s a rotten feeling, moreso for him than it ever was for me.
There are crippling generational disabilities in our world that keep us from achieving greatness. Prejudice is at the top of the list.
.-= Joni Golden´s last blog ..Woman-owned biz helps charity with chocolate =-.
This is appalling. I come from the South and as you can guess was raised with a wide variety of prejudice, but never against the Jewish people. From the beginning I knew that while we didn’t practice judaism, we should respect the religion, because it was the religion that Jesus himself practiced. Looking back I find it rather surprising that we were taught that, given the horrible things we were taught about persons of pretty much every other non-white-American race on the planet. Ugh.
This is one of the things that I think blogging can be good for – we can be the ones to end all the prejudices that should have been wiped out long ago.
.-= Janet´s last blog ..The First Post of the New Year (or) I’ve Been Snowed In For A Week – Send Fudge =-.
I read her post and was shocked that people still say hateful and ignorant things to others. While it’s not exactly the same thing people make comments about me looking like a typical Irish woman. Because we’re all Catholic whiskey-swilling redheaded leprachauns. That sounds offensive. Because it is. I’m sorry you were treated poorly. I hope that never happens to your children.
Can’t believe that still happens. It makes me so sad.
I hope and pray that my boys won’t face prejudice like that in their lives because it’s so hurtful… but I know that’s just wishful thinking.
.-= Jeanette´s last blog ..11/365 – Connor in control =-.
Ugh… the ignorance and prejudice in this world. Racism is taught. Our job as parents is to teach our kids to respect one another.
.-= amotherworld´s last blog ..If I were… =-.
Bravo. You said it so well. My heart (and stomach) are still reeling over this.
I am shocked that people still say things like what you and SM have endured. When I first heard her tweet about the incident, I was blown away – first, that someone would say that and second, as to what a “Jew Boy” looked like. I have friends who are Jewish – one has light brown hair but a daughter who is a red head. We are all humans and have traits that come from our parents and their parents. Why does it matter that I believe one thing and you another? Is the world not big enough?
.-= Nicki´s last blog ..Bed Rest Anyone? =-.
Recently I had a client suggest that I “Jew” the adjuster for a higher settlement of her claim. I don’t know if I was more shocked that she said that to me or that she used that horrible expression wrong. I’m embarrassed to say that in my shock I failed to educate her, which allows it to continue.
Over the years I’ve had many clients tell me that they prefer Jewish lawyers and doctors because we are smarter. At least that’s a positive stereotype, but still shows such ignorance. Amazing that this still goes on!
How creative, to use Jew as a verb. (that’s a verb, right? Never really “got” parts of speech…) Check out Facing History and Ourselves. It’s a non-profit ed organization that teaches acceptance by using the Holocaust as a case study in hate. It’s awesome and powerful and I used their curriculum with inner city teens for years in NYC. There’s so much hate out there. But there’s also alot of love. And alot of good work going on to address this.
.-= Kami Lewis Levin´s last blog ..(Birthday) Party Politics =-.
Well said! I can’t believe the ugly things people say all in the name of humor. Prejudice isn’t funny. ever.
.-= Sunday Stilwell´s last blog ..Say WHAT? =-.
Sent here from Scary Mommy. This post is beautifully written and heart-wrenching. As the mother of girls who are multi-racial, I worry so much about the difficulties and the ignorance they face.
My daughter, who is in 2nd grade, has already been rejected on the school bus because an older boy didn’t want her “Camel Butt” sitting next to her.
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..Kale Chips: Epic Fail =-.
Jesus, a Jew, said “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” I’ve never known of any exclusionary clauses in the admonition.
.-= lceel´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Mishi =-.
I will never understand why people decide to waste their time and souls by hating based on nonsense. Although, I will say that sometimes people will just associate someone’s look (ie: you look Jewish) just to make an observation and not necessarily because they’re being derogatory. I’m always told ‘you look black’ I’m like ‘awesome!’ but I’m Dominican but sometimes they’re just observing. Just like when I see Ikea furniture on a show on tv I like to identify it. Sometimes I want to look like I descended from another race or ethnicity because they so beautiful. Not that I hate where I’m from it’s just sometimes it’s fun to be someone else.
My most important lesson to teach my son is that all races and ethnicities are beautiful an equal. I love the differences in look and culture of everyone. And because of this I may say to myself “oh she or he looks mixed or middle eastern” but only I’m admiration of and never in disdain.
You can always answer: “yes I am Jewish, but at least I’m not ignorant”.
That should shut them up.
Good Grief! People are SO stupid!!
.-= The Retired One´s last blog ..Florida Vacation Photos: Part Eleven =-.
This type of thing is heartbreaking to hear…especially in this day and age. I’m so sorry!
.-= Miss Behavin´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Walking In A Winter Wonderland =-.
I cannot understand why racism still exists today. I guess it is just fear of something different from yourself. Personally, I am attracted to things and people that are different from me. The world is more interesting with all kinds of people in it. I guess I’ll never understand completely because I’ve never been subjected to prejudice like that. But I do remember liking a little black boy and wanting him to be my boyfriend when I was a kid and not understanding what the big deal was. The whole family flipped out. I mean, seriously, I was like 10. People are idiots. I’m sorry that happened to you. And, damn, Scary Mommy’s post was just heartwrenching. And it pissed me off, too.
My first exposure came growing up in Detroit, where we had to go to private school to avoid being “bused” to an inner-city school for the purpose of racial integration. Meanwhile the kids bused to the public school near my house scared the living daylights out of me. I had no concept of the politics and prejudices behind all of it. I was just a little girl. They would make throat slashing gestures toward me and stare menacingly at me. I had no idea why. Some of my friends were unable to go to private schools. They were beaten up on a regular basis, their lunches were ripped from their hands and they became so frightened of school, they hid in neighbor’s yards all day. Children are taught this hatred by their parents. Whenever I hear of this behavior I blame the parents.
.-= MomZombie´s last blog ..Why I’m mostly a vegetarian, Part 2 =-.
I grew up in school in NY celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas every year in school. I also understood all about the religion and how it was different from my own. When my family moved South, that was unheard of. It’s sad that such prejudice’s still exist in the world today. Ignorance doesn’t always equal bliss.
.-= Hockeymandad(Patrick)´s last blog ..Yoda was a Genius =-.
The other day, my son and I had a conversation about the fact that my father is Jewish. He was fascinated and surmised that he was part Jewish. I tried to explain that being a Jew refers to one’s faith and that he could most certainly choose that religion one day. He was excited and couldn’t wait to tell some of his classmates. I couldn’t find the words at the time to prepare him for the response he might receive from a southern, predominantly Baptist peer group. Sadly, I was right and my son got his first real glimpse at how profoundly ignorant the world can be. It hurt my heart.
.-= Beth´s last blog ..Anne Frank =-.
No one knows what ethnicity I am. and with an irish last name I certainly don’t SOUND like I should be a Jew. But I am. Always have been. always will be. Growing up in an all jewish town, living in NYC I’ve never dealt with prejudice or anti-semitism. I’m not entirely sure what I’ll do when that day comes. I’ll probably never leave New York. I’m a bit of a coward.
Ok, so I put my two cents in on my blog. This is slightly terrifying. I’ve never blogged about my religion. You ladies are BRAVE.
The “you don’t LOOK Jewish thing” how are we supposed to respond to that? Is it a compliment? It always confuses me.
.-= Molly´s last blog .."Jew Boy" =-.
predijuice so irriates me. I was taught to respect all! it doesnt matter the background. you can not like someone if they are mean and spiteful. But i was taught to give everyone a chance and maybe a second. My children are raised with the same values. You respect all until they disrespect you. I am sorry you have to deal w/hate.
.-= sarah @bakenate´s last blog ..wordful wordless wednesday =-.
That kind of thing just sickens me. I was raised with prejudice too, and I try so hard to teach my children to be better than that.
I really don’t get people. I don’t get why it’s so important to them what other people do, what they believe. Why people feel the need to take someone down to feel better about themselves. It just such a despicable trait.
.-= Elisa @Globetrotting in Heels´s last blog ..Outfit of the Week: coffee with the expats =-.
I came over from Scary Mommy’s blog & I am crying right now. And I am SO not the type to cry over blog posts. I’m not Jewish, have never experienced the type of prejudice you describe, nor have I ever witnessed it in my own life. But the fact that it exists even now & is directed at children hurts my heart. I can’t IMAGINE my 2 sons having to deal with that.
I did have a babysitter and a 95 y.o. grandfather who make comments about “colored” people. Every time I’m shocked, and every time I have no idea how to respond. I don’t know what I’m going to do when my kids are old enough to look to me for guidance on these issues.
.-= Mom2Miles´s last blog ..The Terrible Threes? =-.
Coming back to say that I think the South gets a bad rap when it comes to racial and ethnic tolerance. I have to say that while I got it *a lot* growing up, my sleepy little town is now a sea of multiculturalism. There is still ignorance, but there is also a passion for understanding. In our group of friends alone, there are several inter-racial couples, babies adopted internationally, same-sex couples (and parents), and my good friend from college who recently moved 10 minutes from me is Moroccan.
The old South is dying off and a new, tolerant and welcoming South is emerging. It’s slow and it isn’t perfect, but I look forward to how our children will continue shaping a hate-free society down here.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..A song for Haiti =-.
I agree with Iceel; racism is an old fashioned idea living in a new world. The sooner it diminishes to nothing, the better.
.-= Keurig B70´s last blog ..Who Wants A Free Keurig B70? =-.