Being a Mom to five kids is a swell gig. Well, some of the time it is. Like, during the day when they are at school. Or on the weekends when they are with their other parents…when it actually works out. Yeah, that’s when it’s really an awesome thing, being a Mom to five beautiful offspring.
But then. Schools have this little thing that fucks up parental…or Mommies…schedule. It’s called a two week long winter vacation. Say it with me with a forced smile…vay. cay. shun. Yes, that’s right. Very good.
It’s all fine and dandy, the first couple of days. Sleeping in. Lounging around in pajamas all day long, oblivious to the sun shifting in the winter sky. Time is of little importance when you have nowhere to be and tons of AA batteries for the Wii remote.
Suddenly, within a couple of days it starts. The dreaded and annoying “I’m bored” in a nasally whine.
It’s time to entertain the troops.
So, we all get dressed. Brush the film off our teeth and wipe the sleep boogers out of our eyes. And we pile into the car.
And holy hell if it doesn’t cost $100. EVERY. STINKING. TIME. We set a single extremity into the car. For the kids, we go into bankruptcy to keep them entertained. That’s just the kind of parents these kids of mine are blessed with. Anything for them.
So, we take them to see movies. At least one cute little angel, if not more, whines that they don’t want to see the already chosen and agreed upon movie or they don’t want the already purchased and buttered popcorn, they want candy instead. Brats.
We try really hard not to feed them our fist and make them see stars.
And so the first week flies by, much like what I’ve described. Sitting around, glued to the TV screen. Or driving around throwing $100 or more to entertain ungrateful darlings, daily, out the car window.
I try to keep in mind how lucky I am to have all these sweet little muffins.
But then, they start fighting over stupid things like…he looked at me funny. Or…her leg was touching mine when I was about to release the A button and so I didn’t make a strike in the Wii bowling game. Then there is my favorite, she got to choose everything we watched on TV over the last two and a half hours.
I’m going to go bald from pulling out my hair.
Oh, and let’s talk about the messes.
It’s incredible that, after being home for 1 week (so far), how bad the mess can get in a house because the younger inhabitants forgot how to bend their bodies over to pick things up that they “accidentally” carelessly dropped onto the floor. Seriously! I love them but WOW, they are a useless lot of working limbs.
So yeah. Kids are great. In small doses.
Vacations. Not a big fan.
Unless of course, it’s just my husband and me in a remote tropical place.
And the kids are at home whining to a babysitter.
Now *THAT* is a vacation to be excited about!