Never again will I protect my feelings with a password. Respect is something that is earned and deserved. And it will not be displayed here. It won’t matter anyway. You made us your mission one too many times. Nothing I do will change that. Which is fine. Because it frees me. I have nothing to prove or hide, I have nothing to lose and there will never be lost love. I can speak the truth. And that’s what it is. The disgusting truth.
Last night was a display. It was an atrocity in the guise of a party.
Trying to hurt us through a little boy is nothing more than a emotionally abusive landmine leaving scarring shrapnel in our memories. It will never, ever happen again. There will never be another opportunity.
This has gone too far.
An aunt maliciously ignores a 6 year old and his plea for an ear? You are simply a passive-aggressive coward acting as a bully who is unworthy of his love and attention. You are the epitome of what misery looks like. That is my comfort. This game of love ‘when it suits you’ is over and YOU are the loser.
A slopped together cookie? Are you kidding me? This is NOT a cake substitute for a little boy who was excited to share his birthday with people he has been told are his family. That is why we, his parents, ran out to get our son a cake. He is entitled to the same respect and love you abundantly shower on all your other grandchildren.
For a flesh and blood “GRANDMOTHER” to hide in the kitchen while birthday candles are being blown? If it had been any other of your grandchildren, you would have helped to blow out the candles from a cake you lovingly bought them and your smile would have been in any other grandchilds family birthday photo.
There was no family photo last night. Just a lasting memory that will never fade. I won’t let it. I will never let us be sucked in by your false promises again.
I’m finished covering up your indifference and I’m through making excuses for our son as to why you don’t come pick him up when you get the other “two.”
Done.
The proverbial straw and camels back.
Everyone’s eyes in my home are open. Finally, they all saw. They all realize the hurtful disrespect and indifference you display toward your son, using his youngest child as a warhead. They saw the rest of the family standing around, as if no weapons were drawn.
If your plan of war was to make us despise you, then your side won. But there will be no white flag. There will be no surrender. This side will merely shake itself off and walk away. Proudly. Because there were no casualties. We are together. A strong, close family whose barrier you can NOT penetrate.
Strength in numbers.
Your flesh. Your blood.
Your loss.
This will not happen again.
I promise.
Game Over!!!
Wow ~ Well written.
I am sorry for your hurt and the hurt on your family.
Be strong.
.-= Jamie (gimmethejuice)´s last blog ..Some new ink =-.
WOW- no words.
I have had to limit time with certain family to protect my children, and I still do it. I am here if you need to chat. It’s hard, but in the long run your protection for the ones you love will win out in the end.
.-= Susan´s last blog ..12-22-2009 =-.
how horribly sad and unexplainable. one can’t help but wonder why. how do you explain this to a 6 year old. so sorry.
I’m sorry for the cruelty the family has displayed, but glad for you that it’s finally over. That you don’t have to pretend anymore, or cover up for their short-fallings. Hugs to you all, as you move past this bump in the road, and take the high road to better places with people more deserving of your time.
I am so sorry your son had to deal with that, but thrilled he has parents who are willing to walk away.
Really well-written post, girl. I could feel every word.
.-= Tiffany´s last blog ..Auld lang syne…SITS style!! =-.
Wow… I don’t even know what to say. I’m so glad that you’ve decided to go password-free though, you shouldn’t have to hide your thoughts. {{big hug}} I’m so sorry your son had this happen.
.-= Mandi´s last blog ..The Transformation Has Begun =-.
Your poor son. It’s a shame that some people just don’t know how to behave. It’s an even bigger shame when it’s family, and the children are the ones affected by the bad behavior the most!
Toxic relationships just need ot be broken. If you let it continue to go on, it just hurts even more each and every time they pull their tricks.
I know!
I have not spoken with my parents in over 3 yrs. My daughter is 5, my son is 3 1/2. They met him only once as an infant. He does not know them. My daughter only occasionally asks about them. This is for the best I know. I can’t stand the hurt and eggshells that was always present when they’d come to visit us…to feel out of place in our own home, to be criticized constantly. The games are different from time to time, but the end result is always the same….hurt.
Melissa, you know what is best for your family. You know what decisions will protect them. Just know you are not alone in dealing with toxic family relationships. Hugs!
The sad thing is that she will probably never feel remorse for any of it.
Hugs to you and your family.
.-= Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com´s last blog ..Wake That Teacher Up =-.
She will have absolutely NO clue as to what she has done until she is gasping for her last dying breath. Only then will she understand the truth depth of her despicable behavior. GOOD FOR YOU for drawing the boundaries and allowing her NOT to cross them again.
Two major thumbs up!!!!
.-= Carolyn´s last blog ..Idea For An Untraditional Christmas Dinner =-.
Sorry you all keep learning this lesson the hard way! They are not owed the loyalty you all keep showing. Shame on the siblings for not sticking up for your family!! At least your children have lots of love and a sense of family from our side. I know it doesn’t make up for the horrible treatment they receive from the other side.You need to cut your losses and walk away before real damage can be done. Simply put, they are not worth the heartache! Xoxo
OMG, this sounds just like my mothers house and how she acts. And everytime I fall for it. I cant help it, I want to believe she will change
WOW… way to go… I am proud you spoke your mind. I have had too many family situations like this… hurt, disappointment and anger. Way to get it off your chest and protect your family!
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!! =-.
This reminds me so much of my MIL whom we cut off from our family years ago. She hasn’t met either of our children. We felt there was no reason to subject them to her hate after we’ve both experienced it.
It’s difficult to walk away, but I commend you for your actions. Stay strong. I’m certain you have made the right decision.
XOXOX
.-= sam {temptingmama}´s last blog ..Every year I say it will be better =-.
do we share the same mil? We have moved in part to mine. I am sorry your son had to deal with that. I am happy he had parents who are willing to stand for him. Often to many are afraid to stand up. hugs to your family
I’m sorry that things are that bad, but most of all I’m sorry for your son because of what he had to go through. At least he is young enough to recover from the damage and hurt that your inlaws caused to him.
I hope he has/had a good birthday otherwise!
.-= Heather´s last blog ..The Best of ‘09 Blog Challenge: December 18-24 =-.
Oh hon, that’s a sucking suck. But it’s their loss, not and never yours.
Hope you and your lovely fam have the best Christmas ever.
A million and one hugs!
.-= Brenda´s last blog ..A ginormous thanks =-.
my heart breaks for your son. I cant imagine how you must feel. I’m proud of you for being strong and drawing a line where it needs to be drawn. hugs and blessings
.-= kate´s last blog ..Deck The Halls And Lock Up Grandma =-.
This totally sucks for you and your family!!!! I cut all the toxicity out of my sons life early one – moved across the country and just don’t deal with it anymore. He has not been exposed (to his recollection). Although now he asks questions about that part of his family – that’s hard; because how much to reveal? He loves them despite not knowing them – and I don’t want to ruin his innocence….
You do what is best for you and your children and husband. Stand firm. I’ll be right behind you supporting you all the way.
.-= Gigi´s last blog ..I’ve got a list (or two, or three, or more – don’t judge!)….. =-.
🙁 My BIL and his wife are horrible people who treat my husband and me like crap. They are jealous of us and therefore take it out on us with their passive aggressive bullshit. My MIL hates that we don’t get along and she feels like she’s in the middle. I don’t do anything to make it worse but I don’t do anything to make it better either. My daughter and any subsequent children will not know their aunt and uncle which makes me sad and I know it upsets my MIL. Can’t people just quit being dicks?
it would be interesting to hear the other side.
Hmmm, that last comment was interesting. I’m not sure that there is another side that is appropriate here. Bottom line, no matter what it is NEVER ok to treat a little kid like that. What might be better is to communicate instead of putting a kid in the middle of things. I don’t know what happened exactly but I do know that. So, “She who knows”…why don’t you tell us the other side if it will just explain this behavior? Maybe then we will all understand. But I’m guessing that you didn’t do that because you know there is no freaking excuse. Sorry, Melissa, I just hate passive agressive assholes…so I felt the need to call that person out. XO Much love.
This breaks my heart! The cruelty of some people is so amazing, and that the target of it is a little boy is atrocious.
There can be no explanation for why your son is treated so poorly. If there is a perceived problem with you or his dad, let the passive aggression be aimed at you, not an innocent child.
I really hope your other children see and understand what is happening and stand to protect their little brother.
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..Insurance reform =-.
I’m so sorry. Playing favorites is so wrong, on so many levels. Making a child feel like they are less is so damaging to the self esteem. He’s lucky to have a good mom like you!! I will never play favorites with my kids, or allow anyone else to either. Way to support your kids!!
My heart ache’s for your son, and for the whole situation.
You are awesome! Great mothering! Mama Bears unite!
Melissa, you have me in your corner.
.-= Ann Again´s last blog ..More Random Thoughts – Part 2 =-.
There is NEVER a good reason to demoralize a child. Period. End of story. This woman obviously has a dark, empty and evil heart to purposefully be rude and unloving toward her own grandson, play favorites, and make your son feel like an outcast. It’s disgusting, vile and emotionally tormenting behavior. I’d kick her lousy ass to the curb, shut the door in her face and never allow her back in my home after such contemtable behavior at a kid’s birthday party. Seriously, WTF?
Happy holidays to you and your family, Melissa! Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated.
.-= Miss Behavin´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Yes, Size Matters! =-.
I’ve lived that scenario! My Mom remarried when I was 2, and I always considered my Step-father to be my Dad because he was all I ever knew, and he treated me and my brother (who was his child) exactly the same…. His mother on the other hand… well, enough said about that. Suffice it to say that a child should never be made to feel that they are less than the other children in the family.
.-= Astaryth´s last blog ..Celebrations of Light and Hope =-.
I am not from the other family. I should have been clearer. I meant it would be interesting to know what makes people act in such a horrid manner. I have never seen nor heard of people like them. After reading the replies, I guess there are others.
I was hoping this situation would have improved – instead she’s apparently gotten worse. At least now she’s shown EVERYONE her true colors. Good for you, but I am sorry that all of you have to deal with this.
.-= Janet´s last blog ..From a More Grateful Place =-.
so sorry to hear that … i had to actually cut my family out for a while because of behaviour like that. some of them got the message and we have mended fences and have a decent relationship now.
some i havne’t talked to or seen in 15 years or more.
it’s just horrible when they play that out through a child … so immature and petty. 🙁
There is never a good excuse to emotionally scar a child in such a way. Shame in her.
.-= Earth_mommy´s last blog ..Hope for Anissa =-.
that sounds like an awful situation! So sorry 🙁 glad you’re strong & sticking up for what’s right!
We can’t pick our family… Unfortunately – right?
.-= Complicatedmama´s last blog ..Why does my tree look bare, when my pockets are empty? =-.
I think it’s fortunate that you’re all banding together now, your own little unit, and that will shield your boy. At 6, he probably didn’t catch a lot of what was happening. You’re saving him from ever getting the whole horrid thing.
.-= patois´s last blog ..The Weekly Wonderings #135 =-.
I”m dealing with similar issues with my own parents and protecting my special needs son. And myself too, as they blame his behaviors on my parenting.
I’m new to your blog so I don’t know the entire story, or if it is even on here, but you mention no longer password protecting your posts. Do they read your blog?
My brother found mine recently and shared it with my parents. None of them can seem to stay away from it, but I think they assume I don’t know they are reading it. I’m stuck now in how to handle this. My safe place to write, my therapy, is gone. I can’t even write about this on my blog because of how I know they will twist and misinterpret anything I say.
Any advice?
.-= Kristine´s last blog ..Santa came to town! =-.
That’s very sucky! Sorry!