My heart aches for my little girl. A light that shined so bright. She used to leap and twirl through life. Carefree and confident.
But girls will be girls. And they do what they do. Which did what it did.
Now, that light is but a dull glow, barely noticeable through tantrums and tears. She shuffles and drags. Burdened and self-conscious.
The aftermath of a “mean girl” who has since set her sights elsewhere, she lays her head in my lap and sobs. Not understanding why no one wants to be her friend. Not understanding what she did. Not understanding what it is about her that is so horrible.
Not understanding that it isn’t her.
Once she is sleeping soundly, curled up under her covers, that’s when my tears mimic hers. Those which were held back from her are now free to flow hot and furious. Helpless to come up with the magic words. Helpless to make it go away. I can’t find a way to comfort my child who is in such emotional pain.
So I sit on her bed, in the stillness of the sleeping house. And I sob. Quietly. Stroking her hair as she dreams.
Wishing that my sadness and tears will take away my daughters. But knowing it won’t.
I cry a little harder because, through her tears, my daughter had tried to make me promise that I wouldn’t be sad for her.
But it is a Mothers place. My job. The pain my daughter feels, I feel. I am sad for her despite promises made with crossed fingers. I’m devastated.
I hope that we get her through this. By talking. Hugging. And supporting her.
Someday, this will just be a blip.
Someday her light will shine brightly. And she’ll leap and twirl through life. Carefree and confident. Once again.
Having children subjects and exposes your heart to the most extreme raw emotions the likes of which you never knew existed let alone could possibly feel.
I just want her to, once again, be happy.
I am so sad for your precious little girl! As I mentioned on twitter I’ve been where she is, as has my youngest sister. I hope that if you try any of my suggestions that it helps! I sent you my contact info in a DM on twitter, if you or her want to talk to me and/or my little sister about how we dealt with it and such feel free to contact me. Maybe talking to us would help her feel less like she is the only one, which is pretty common, and make her feel a little less lonely and isolated. And the suggestion I made on twitter of trying to find her an alternative social outlet if she does not have one or it isn’t enough I think is important. Maybe having another outlet will help her regain confidence in herself and that would reflect on her demeanor, not only at home but at school and possibly help her reintegrate with the other kids. When one is singled out it can be very difficult to get back in, especially if they wear their heart on their sleeve or lack the confidence to stand up for their self. It sounds like this is a pretty recent event, that is good because she is not the long established victim so it should be easier for her to overcome this. Don’t give up hope! She is one lucky kid to have a mother who loves and supports her as you do and she sounds like a total sweetie, she’ll beat this thing!
.-= Microblogologist´s last blog ..Happy Hanukkah 2009 =-.
Another Suburban Mom says
I hate the mean girls. I was tormented by a mean girl cadre when I was in middle school and it was awful. I know that with your guidance she will get through it.
.-= Another Suburban Mom´s last blog ..Friday Foodie-Faking It Edition =-.
Sara@My Sippy Cup Runneth Over says
I weaped as I read through your post.
I have a daughter. Six years old. Often, she comes off the bus crying because of what a neighbor child told her. Ugliness. I
n the night I tell my husband, why is she SO mean?! I felt myself stepping out into the flesh and thinking horrible thoughts of how to handle it.
Years from know, this will be all a “blip” like you said, but as Mommas our heart can’t help but ache for our precious girls.
I’ll be thinking of you tonight (Wow. My first trip to your blog and I already feel connected)
.-= Sara@My Sippy Cup Runneth Over´s last blog ..Tragedy Tweeting: Social Media Plays a Big Part in Personal Lives =-.
Tara R. says
It is stunning how thoughtless, selfish and mean kids, especially girls, can be today. I feel for your daughter and hope her light and smile are shining again very soon. Hugs to her and to you.
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..SkyWatch ~ season 4, edition 23 =-.
Just tell your daughter this – That she is a Princess and the mean girl is like the Wicked Witch of the East. And in all situations, What Goes Around, Comes Around. And the Wicked Witch of the East had better watch out – because the Flying Fickle Finger of Fate is headed in her direction – and whenever the mean girl gets to being mean again – she should feel safe and protected – knowing that the Flying Fickle Finger of Fate is on her side.
.-= lceel´s last blog ..Friday Haiku – =-.
This is one of my biggest fears when it comes to my daughter. I don’t want her to have to suffer through all the meanness that I went through. I’m so sorry! Give her a big giant hug!!!
The Napkin Dad says
You will never be able to protect your daughters (or sons) from some of the meanness in the world. What you can do is let yourself be an example of how to deal with, and learn from, those things.
Don’t try to hide your own story, either as a punching bag for the mean girls and bullies or as a mean girl and bully (we aren’t all just the former, some of us are the latter as well). Tell her what you felt like when it happened to you. Tell her when it still happens to you and how you deal with it.
Teach her about the futility of revenge and acting mean in return, but the wisdom of avoiding those who are hurtful and damaging.
Teach her the ability to say ‘consider the source’. I drew and wrote about this ‘what others think of us’ a few days on my blog, The Napkin Dad Daily. It is of great help to explain as best you can that damaged people like to create more damage and they should be seen with compassion while at the same time protecting yourself from them.
.-= The Napkin Dad´s last blog ..More People Die Of Too Much =-.
Mean girls suck!
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Why mess with a good thing? =-.
I know she will weather this storm as you do, but the pain is awful. I was once that little girl…and unfortunately now that adult who knows the ridicule and pain but made me all the stronger, beautiful, and wiser to pity those who have to torment, berate, and belittle to feel better about themselves.
I am so sorry she is going through this as are you, we try so hard to protect them from everything this cruel and beautiful world has to offer. But at least she has her mother to cry to and to help her through this. You are so wonderful!! Hugs to you both! xoxo
The Retired One says
I raised two daughters and they both went through this. It is awful and there were nights I just didn’t sleep either and my heart wrenched.
They both got confidence from being good at something later in life and gained much empathy for others in having gone through the experience.
Dive them into their interests/passions and let them shine in doing them even better..they will soon outshine those mean girls and be the most popular ones…in addition to gaining new friends though these new activities.
And show them love just like you are doing now.
This will pass…..
.-= The Retired One´s last blog ..Travel Observations =-.
Mama Mary says
Beautiful post! My daughters are 3 and 1 so I know this same scenario is ahead of me in years to come. It terrifies me. But you are right, someday it will just be a blip. So hug it out! It always works. 🙂
Hi, This story breaks my heart!!! I dont look forward to those days. Mine is only 2 but I can see it coming sooner than later with “mean girls” who are the parents of these girls and why is this alowed??? Just keep hugging her and believing in her it will make her a stronger person in the end. But that doesnt make it any easer for you:( Hang in there!
Lauren @ MOMMY IS ROCK N ROLL says
Piss on those mean girls. I was made fun of and some bitch even threw a sandwich at my head during lunch. I still remember her name too. I hope that she got what she deserved. Karma is a wonderful thing. I was teased about my weight and it was awful. Those hurtful words stick with you too. Emotional scars are the deepest.
I’m so sorry. If there was anything I oculd do to take away your daughter’s misery i would do it. I am terrified of what it will be like to go through this with my own children. Let your daughter know that there are so many of us out here, who may not know her personally, but who love her and support her and see her for the wonderful value she has to offer the world. It may not feel like it, but the pain will pass, and she will stronger, kinder and more beautiful for it. And the mean girl will only ever be a shirveled, heartless waste of skin. prayers and hugs
Oh mama. Your post made me cry right along with you. What we wouldn’t do to take away our children’s pain . . .
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] says
I have two girls and both are still very young. My heart broke open reading this knowing this is surely in my girls’ futures for certain in some way as it is in all of our pasts.
You’re SO fortunate to have the relationship you have with her to help her through.
.-= Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..Dear Clothiers, I need lube to fit into your skinny jeans. Also, an Old Navy coupon. =-.
That is so terrible. It is my fear that this will happen to my kids one day. It sucks knowing that they’re probably headed for the same heart-break as your daughter. It happened to me. I remember it well. I wish it was possible to stop it. To shield them. My heart aches along with yours right now. It’s just so crap that they have to go through junk like this.
.-= Marilyn´s last blog ..Christmas Meme & Blog Award =-.
Mommy X says
Oh no! What is wrong with kids sometimes? I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My 13 year old niece has been in a similar situation recently and it sucks that there’s nothing that can really be done except to let it pass and wait for the blip. 🙁
Aunt Becky says
It breaks me apart. I remember. She’ll come out the other side a better person for it, because she’ll be kinder to everyone else. But for now, the pain is excruciating. I’m so sorry. I want to cut the mean girl for her.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..The Vicious Martha Stewart In My Head Is Distracted By Blatant Sexism =-.
Oh, darling, I feel for you and your daughter. I have been there too, I know how heart-wrenching it is to see your child being subjected to the jokes, bullying and moods of an obnoxious brat who happens to be in their class or social circle. I hope she can get over this low quickly and resume her normal life. karma will eventually catch up with the other girl.
Hugs to you both!
.-= Elisa´s last blog ..Family karma =-.