When we bought our house, over 5 years ago, I was a tad bit hesitant. Because it has a pool. Pools are dangerous. Especially for children. And I had just heard a story, around the same time that we purchased our house, of a mother who turned her back for ONE MINUTE and her twins drowned. Not a reassuring story to hear when considering becoming the owner of a house with a pool.
I am the mother of 5 children, one of which was an infant at the time we were moving in. The thought of losing one of my children to drowning, it terrified me.
But, we bought the house anyways. We figured that we would always be around to keep an eye on things which would keep the chances of something bad happening lowered.
The first summer went by without a hitch. My youngest was only 5 months old so he wasn’t really getting around much if he wasn’t attached to me or my husband. My other kids were 6, 7 and two 8 y/o. They were decent swimmers but they were old enough to understand the perils of the pool and they knew that going in the backyard unsupervised was a big no-no. They actually listened. Miracle of miracles.
I still had nightmares and horrible visions of finding my children floating in the pool.
But by the next summer, my youngest was now a toddler. And boy, did he toddle. He got into everything and was completely fearless.
He was going through this phase. It included opening the doors and leaving. We remedied that pretty quickly by getting tons of baby gates and rigging a device on the door that made it difficult for him to open. Because holy crap, that kid figured out how to open the front door. Did I mention that he is a genius? 😉
Anyways, we were all outside one bright, warm summer day. The kids were running all over the place. I thought my husband was watching my youngest. He thought our oldest daughter was watching him. And so on down the line. Turns out, no one was watching him.
I panicked because we couldn’t find him. I was running around the house, screaming like a lunatic.
Suddenly I felt nauseous. I had this foreboding feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wondered if anyone had gone to look out by the pool. Why no one thought to look there first? It’s beyond me.
I ran into the back. Probably hysterically screeching out his name. I don’t remember. It is a blur and I was petrified. I remember chanting in my head “please, let him be alright”, over and over.
There he was. All 18 chunky months of him. Sitting on the top step of the pool, most likely holding a toad and gurgling to it.
I spanked him. Over his diaper, of course. In my mind, a spanking is better than drowning. I made it very clear that this was to never happen again. That he had scared his Mommy and Daddy and he had broken a very big rule in our house.
I was relieved. He was OK even though he was crying because he had just been spanked. And holy shit, were we lucky.
LUCK.
Luck is the only difference between me and Miltary Mom. My son was OK. But yesterday afternoon, her son, Bryson, drowned in their pool. He was 2.
I don’t know her. I had never heard of her until I saw a tweet that had been retweeted by one of my twitter friends about praying for her son. And I had to investigate the reason, because I’m a little nosy.
And boy, did I find out…
She is living my nightmare. One that I was so lucky it only stayed in my subconscious and ended in a spank.
My heart and thoughts go out to her and her family. I don’t even want to imagine the horror and the guilt and the pain this family must be going through.
And you people, whether or not you believe this story of Shellie Ross and her son to be true, shut your fucking mouths. Grow up. Get over yourselves.
Regardless of whether or not this story turns out to be false, may none of us ever know the horrible ache and pain that this type of accident causes.
UPDATE: For all you skeptics on this incident, it has been confirmed. That poor, poor woman, who will NEVER, EVER get over this, has lost her child. And I really hope that those of you who tweeted those horrible things, feel like the absolute shit that you were spewing.
Wait…it’s false? Is that the rumor? I learned of this tragedy on Twitter also and had the same nosy response. I tweeted my sadness for her today, which is something I NEVER do, but I was compelled because of some of the nasty comments I read about the situation on Twitter. People saying it was her fault and so on. Don’t know the lady, don’t know if it were her fault or not, and I’m able to admit that I made my speculations about the incident as well. But, I’m not evil enough to speculate aloud and understand that if this is true it is a hideous way to spend the rest of ones life and am hopeful that evil, nosy, speculative people just leave her and her family alone.
.-= parenting BY dummies´s last blog ..Something New =-.
This is one reason I don’t retweet about something regarding someone I don’t follow. I saw the thread and felt terrible for Military Mom, but not once was I cynical enough to question the validity of her tragedy. Even if I were to find out it was a hoax, I still wouldn’t go after her. It’s like a bloody feeding frenzy. It either feeds a Munchausen sort of fake, or makes the attacker look like a heartless wretch. I don’t need either drama.
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..Reality of an empty nest =-.
Whether it’s true or not, it’s a good reminder. And another reason to hold my kids a little closer. Like you, I’m terrified of my kids around pools. Our is inflatable, only goes about 3 feet deep, but even then I make my kids wear inflatable rings and I’m always out there with them.
.-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Shaved: A Birthday Tale =-.
How very sad…thanks so much for telling us about his tragedy. I can’t even imagine what she is going through…
.-= Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com´s last blog ..Too Much Togetherness =-.
I don’t know the story, and don’t think I want to know the whole story just based on your post alone. What I can say is I think it is completely wrong for people to expect others to be perfect. Yes, even moms doing their best isn’t always good enough. Stuff happens. We can’t protect our children from everything, even though we expect ourselves to do so. If an accident happened and my child died and it was because I could have prevented it or even thought I should have prevented it I would want to die. Period. I cannot imagine someone armchair-quarterbacking on someone’s grief or situation when it could just as easily happen to someone else. Yeah, people don’t think it can happen to them…but…
.-= Michele´s last blog ..SPOUSE AND CHILDREN: "Other Kids’" Lunches =-.
Great post.
I also heard about the tragedy yesterday through Twitter. I have a 2 year old and a pool at home, so this story really hit hard. When we bought our house last year, we installed a pool fence before we even moved in. That fence was our number one priority. We also installed an alarm system on all our access doors, which includes a bell sound when a door opens. My kid can’t quite reach the door handle yet, but when he does, I’ll know. It’s those things that give me a small sense of security, but it’s never enough.
-Aimee
Its not false. THe mere suggestion of that is just tacky. This is the loss of her youngest son. She is one of my very close friends and its disgusting how anyone would twitter, blog, or email otherwise. I pray that whatever makes people so cynical and insensitive during the biggest nightmare anyone can have, eventually puts them at peace.
trisha
.-= trisha´s last blog ..Update on Shellie. =-.
When my kids were little, we lived in an apartment building with a rec room and pool. One evening, we took the kids to the pool, and their father was helping them get more comfortable in the water. He showed them how they could hold on to a small overflow gutter and bob around on the side. I was watching my daughter from across the room, and saw her lose her grip and go under. To this day, I don’t remember how I got to her, but I reached down into the water, got a grip on her suit and pulled her up.
She’s 28 years old and I will never, ever forget that horror of ALMOST losing my child.
I cannot imagine this woman’s pain, and it is terribly wrong that the place she’s come to for the comfort of friends is also populated with people who have more ego than compassion.
.-= JoniGolden´s last blog ..Welcome to Michigan Women’s Forum! =-.
Oh thank god your little one was ok!
Pools are so so dangerous – couple that with a new home/new pool and it’s just not good. My heart is breaking for Shellie. It’s so unreal.
.-= Sarah, Ohana Mama´s last blog ..Reeling =-.
I can not image what she is feeling. I can not believe what went on twitter. So sad. The whole thing is so so sad.
.-= OHmommy´s last blog ..Looking into my daughter’s eyes =-.
You’ve said what so many have been thinking, Thank You. And thank you for blogging on her behalf.
So glad your story had a happy ending. I don’t think I’d ever relax if I had a big pool in my yard. At least not until my youngest is much older. She’s already had a few close calls right under our noses. It’s too bad the Internet is such a jackal.
oh my word, I was not expecting that at the end….how horrible….oh my word. I don’t know who this woman is, but my heart goes out to her, the inkling of grief I have on her behalf will never compare….She’s in my prayers.
.-= Kristin @ Meanbean´s last blog ..A month late, a dollar short =-.
That poor woman. I cannot believe that people would believe that she would fake the most horrible nightmare of anyone.
I am also glad that your incident ended up with a mere spank. Pools are so scary.
.-= Another Suburban Mom´s last blog ..Erotica-Group Post =-.
Ugh! I can’t imagine, nor do I want to. My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family.
.-= Miss Behavin´s last blog ..Top 10 Must-Read Posts of 2009 =-.
It’ a tragic story, no matter what. My heart goes out to her…
.-= LZ´s last blog ..I love ugly ornaments =-.
I’m glad you posted this, it is a good reminder. I learned of Shellie’s loss last night on Twitter also, and was so shocked and dismayed at some of the responses today. I don’t know her, but she has been in my thoughts since I learned of the loss of her son – I can’t get her off of my mind. My heart is just broken to pieces for her and her family.
GOOD FOR YOU for saying what any honest mom should say in a situation like this– there but for the grace of God go I. I defy any parent anywhere to honestly say that they have at least one eye on their child every single moment of that child’s life. No one has. And all it takes is one blink of an eye for something terrible to happen. I have a dear friend, a wonderful, involved, careful mother who lost her two year old son to drowning 5 years ago at a family gathering. It will haunt her for the rest of her life. It is unthinkable that anyone, anywhere would dare criticize or idly speculate about another mother in the middle of such a horrific tragedy.
.-= Babybloomr´s last blog ..WEEKLY WRAP-UP =-.
What is so sad is all these posts to confirm the situation. What is even more sad is that while she did “reach out” to people on Twitter, this opened the door to a barrage of attacks in her worst moment. While maybe an idle attempt to reach sanity during her moment of shock, awe, and “this isn’t happening” the door opened for such a terrible backlash.
I too have a pool, I made DAMN sure of the pool fence before I bought the house 6 years ago. My gates are locked, with a padlock, with no access to the key. Even when my kids go outside daily to play I always check those locks even though I know they are always locked, because time is only a second, a second and they are in the water. So thankful your boy was only at the steps, I know that horror OH SO well. May this event be a reminder to ALWAYS watch our kids around water and I do mean always, life and that of our children is so precious.
.-= Karie´s last blog ..Wordful/Wordless Wednesday =-.
Pools have always terrified me. My inlaws have one and I’m obsessed with checking that the gate is locked and the cover is tightly closed. I’m glad your little one was ok. And my heart breaks for Shellie that she wasn’t so lucky.
As for the evil people online today? I hope they get what they deserve, the shunning of the amazing community that can be found online.
.-= Jessica (@ It’s my life…)´s last blog ..Support is support no matter where it comes from =-.
I don’t twitter, so I missed all that, but I am amazed that anyone could think such an awful thing was a hoax. Karma is real people, and yours is coming. You never get over the loss of a child – my aunt died at age 3 months 67 years ago and my grandmother still tears up about it. I would too.
.-= Janet´s last blog ..Of Pups, Spaceships, a Pumpkin Patch and Marriages and Things =-.
I have been tweeting with @military_mom for a long time (18 months is a long time in the twitter world). She helped me cope through my husband’s frequent travels tremendously so I feel like I know her, about as much as I feel I know you – we tweet, I read your blog etc…. When I first saw her tweet my heart sank and I bawled my eyes out. It was Monday, and we were on our way, ironically enough, out the door to my girls’ swimming lessons. My husband also cried when he heard the news, he’s heard me speak of how Shellie has supported and encouraged me. This is so tragic and awful!!
We also have a pool – it’s fenced separate from the house and even I can barely get the gate open, but non-the-less it’s still a danger. BOTH of my children have fallen in. My oldest was three and fell in carrying an armful of pool noodles while helping us clean up the yard – my philosphy is that any toys in the pool will lure a child in. We take all the toys out after a swim, but on that day she fell in while helping us clean up. She was ok. My youngest feel in at 2 – we were changing to go in, she took a step backwards and fell straight to the bottem. I was a lifeguard in University – I paid my way through school sitting in a chair watching people swim. I have never ever rescued anyone – except my two year old daughter. I jumped in, pulled her out and began rescue breathing. I was home alone with the kids that day. I swear if I hadn’t had my NLS training, my daughter would be dead like Bryson. These things happen so quickly, I was right there with her.
It sickens me that people didn’t believe and it sickens me more that people are blaming her! Contrary to belief drowning does not make a sound, and can happen in a blink of an eye. The most common cause of death is secondary drowning – water in the lungs from being in the pool.
I really wish at this time I lived closer to Shellie, so I could be there for her. My heart aches for her and her loss.
.-= Janice @ Mom On The Run´s last blog ..The Glasses of Self-Doubt =-.
That is AWFUL. It is such a tragedy. I believe some states have a law that a house cannot be sold with a pool unless it has a gate/fence surrounding the pool that can be locked. I think that is the safest way…that way parents can padalock the fenced in pool until someone goes out with a key and supervises children when it is in use.
Did you see the news about the number of deaths of babies that get their necks tangled in blind’s cords? It was also scary. They get it around their necks and then hang from them accidentally. UGH. So many dangers out there for them.
As a grandma, it adds to my list of worries and emails to my poor daughter.
.-= The Retired One´s last blog ..Travel Observations =-.