I’m pretty sure that, when the stork delivered me, he didn’t stop for directions and he dropped me off at the wrong house in the wrong state. In fact, I’m positive of this.
Why, you ask? Patience, my friends. I will tell you.
I’m 40 years old, give or take a few months. But really, let’s not go there, ok? I’ve lived in Michigan my ENTIRE life. Begrudgingly.
And I’ve never. Not once. Not EVER. Gotten used to Winter.
I hate it. I hate being cold. I hate wearing sweaters because, let’s face it, I’m fat enough without adding the extra bulk. I hate wearing a coat. I hate wearing boots. I hate wearing a hat and gloves. Besides, my hair is too big for hats and so they never look right on me.
I hate. EVERYTHING. About this weather.
And please, friends from places where you don’t have extreme season changes. Don’t tell me you wish you lived in this climate.
Because trust me. You don’t.
You can just say that because after you’re back from your ski trips or visiting friends and family in unsavory climates such as Michigan, you can go home and shed a bunch of layers. You can wear sandals year round. You can be outdoors without worrying about boogers freezing in your nose and then thawing out and draining at the most inopportune times.
Which brings me back to the stork. You see, I’m sure that a) I was supposed to be delivered to a family in Hawaii or someplace where the weather is consistently a balmy 80 degrees and b) I think that I was also supposed to be given to royalty.
Boy did that stork fuck up. Big time.
Because I’m stuck in Michigan, bundled up in sweaters, coats, gloves, neck warmers, 2 pairs of socks and a hat. And no stinking tiara.
I wonder if the statute of limitations is expired. Because I think I may have a really good lawsuit here.
What? Storks, the Tooth Fairy, Mother Nature (the bitch) and Santa. Do TOO exist. Duh.
The Only Girl says
OMG. I am SO with you on this one. Except I’m in Ontario and am convinced I was meant to be California celebrity. sigh.
.-= The Only Girl´s last blog ..Warning: Crabby Blogger Ahead . . . =-.
I think we have grounds to file a class-action lawsuit against the Stork since I too think I was meant to be in Hawaii….
Now THERE is an aspect to existence I hadn’t considered. And the more I think about it, the more I am sure you are correct. As for me, I don’t know that he necessarily misplaced me in terms of PEOPLE so much as TIME. Because REALLY, I don’t think I’m supposed to be over 30. No, all those gorgeous women out there (cougars and all) are supposed to have someone who is fully qualified as a MALE chasing after them – and at this point …. well, anyway, that’s the way I’m SURE it’s supposed to be – and it AIN’T!!
.-= lceel´s last blog ..Hope for what it could be like =-.
managed chaos says
You sound just like my husband (who is a native Michigander). I lured him a little farther south, but Ohio’s winters are pretty much on par with MI. But he HATES everything about our cursed winter weather.
Good luck with that litigation. Something tells me those parties will have the best legal teams on Earth.
.-= Hockeymandad´s last blog ..Way Too Young =-.
C @ Kid Things says
I’m from Illinois, but my husband’s from Michigan. Every time I mention something about cold or snow, because it was 10 degrees yesterday and I don’t care where you’re from THAT’S COLD, he usually retorts something along the lines of “You haven’t seen cold or snow until you’ve lived Michigan.”
.-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Q & A =-.
Miss Behavin says
I’m originally from Michigan. I moved away about 10 years ago, and I’d love to tell ya that it was to take that awesome job offer in Cabo San Lucas, but…nope. I’m stuck in Ohio, which isn’t much better. I feel your pain, sister!
.-= Miss Behavin´s last blog ..Stay-At-Home Moms Are Offensive =-.
Tara R. says
Twins separated at birth. I was born in upstate Ohio, migrated to Tenn. and eventually made it to Sunny Florida. I keep telling you, you need to get down here. You would love it, and No! I don’t ever want to live in a ‘winter-is-friggin’-cold’ state.
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..Soda tab collection explained =-.
I hear you. I’m a Southerner born and bred. Yet what did I do? Moved north. Although I didn’t think 200 miles northeast of Nashville would be THIS much colder!
.-= Janet´s last blog ..Of Pups, Spaceships, a Pumpkin Patch and Marriages and Things =-.
hate to say it my dear, but, LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW! I loooove it, yes its a bit chilly at times, but then the whole winter outfit thing can be really cute, (if you just tell yourself you love it, you can pretend like me, that you do) fake it til you make it, be an actor, keep smiling and repeat after me, i. love. the. snow….(there really isnt much else you can do, and sometimes, I really do think I love it)
You & me both, hon! Maybe somehow the earth shifted & the stork got off track. But I’m with you all the way! Damn Michigan winters!
.-= Collette´s last blog ..Happy Holidays or Bah Humbug? =-.
Can’t comment 3 layers of blankets on me to keep warm.
WI is a bitch too- or should I say asshole because I am convinced this state is a man, who else would try to piss me off so much?
.-= Susan´s last blog ..Selfish and stuff =-.
I live in Wisconsin and I enjoy winter. However, folks who don’t like winter spend many unhappy months in our lovely region. Reading the comments, maybe I’m just deluded or brainwashed into thinking this white stuff is actually fun.
.-= Daisy´s last blog ..An Open Letter to Congress about Title I =-.
Every year on the first really freezing day of the season — for us, it was last week – I wonder how a sane person could ever live anywhere but Southern California. On the second day, I regain my senses and love New York again. The thing I hate about winter right now is that I never have a matching adult-sized set of gloves.
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..If I hear Free to Be You and Me one more time . . . =-.
It could be worse..I hear Minnesota is even colder!!!
.-= Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com´s last blog ..Too Much Togetherness =-.
The Retired One says
I think I am your soul sister. Because I have always hated the cold too.
It is GORGEOUS up here in Upper Michigan….and I would SO miss the other three seasons….but dang, I hate the below zero weather and the huge amount of snow we get.
But I am trying to appreciate our winter beauty, and get my arse outside an snowshoe or something to enjoy it….maybe then I wouldn’t complain as much! :-}
.-= The Retired One´s last blog ..Travel Observations =-.