Yes, I have no children and am a stepmom.

First, let me start by saying that I’m honored to be asked to guest blog. I’ve enjoyed Melissa’s posts from a somewhat different perspective for awhile now. I am a 40yo who made the decision to not have children about 10 years ago and have been at peace with that.

But I fell in love with a man with 3 children.

Someone should have sat me down, looked me in the eye and told me to think very, very carefully about getting involved with someone with children. Because it’s hard. Damn hard.

It’s hard going from literally only ever taking care of yourself to 3 children who all have their own wants and needs.

It’s hard financially when you pay for the majority of the groceries, presents, activities because your partner is barely squeaking by after child support. You remember the extra cash- the facials, shoes, fancy dinners, Starbucks runs. I never used to shop at Walmart. In fact, if there was a Target 10mi further away, that’s where I’d go. But Walmart is cheaper and money doesn’t go as far as it used to.

And when did kids eat so much? And all the time? There have been many times where if I hear “I’m hungry” one more time; I’m going to run screaming from the house.

It’s hard not to voice an opinion about a behavior, attitude or decision that’s being made by the actual parents. I always remind myself that I have no say. That’s hard when you truly care about the welfare of said child.

It’s also hard to deal with how mommy is smarter, runs faster, is just BETTER than you. A lot. But I get that. And I never have, nor never will utter anything to the contrary. Because it is common decency.

But something happened during year 2. I started getting into the swing of things. The baseball games, soccer games, football- having 3 kids participating in every sport known to man. I could keep a schedule like Dad never could- or will.

Something I never knew I had – maternal instinct- surprised me in new and various ways. I could look at a kid and know whether he was sick. I knew that 8yo children should NOT have a Facebook page. I also knew that Skittles isn’t, nor ever will be, an appropriate snack.

And I bonded with them. Yes, I’ll be honest it took some time. A whole lot of time. But sometimes when I think about leaving, I think what it would be like to not see them again. I couldn’t stand not knowing.

But no, I still don’t want children. I like the ones I have. All potty-trained, know how to dress themselves, go to school, pretty functional. Someday, I hope to hear the words “I love you”. That I still strive for. Maybe someday.

Oh, and moms? We don’t want to take your place. Really.