I am a mommy.
I am a step-mommy.
For both those positions, I am employed full time with major overtime. Overworked. Underpaid. And going gray.
I take my work VERY seriously.
I think I’m doing a pretty darn good job on both accounts. It’s not so easy though. Either one of those positions I’ve filled.
I try. SO HARD. To remain fair and impartial.
I try. EVEN HARDER. To show as equal amount of heartfelt love and emotion as I am capable of. I think on the most part, particularly with my step daughter, that the love is almost as strong as if she were from my own womb.
“Almost” is the operative and key word.
There are times when my mommy bear instinct to protect my cubs is so strong.
When, it doesn’t matter who started it or whose fault the fist fight is or who started the verbal onslaught. I have to use every ounce of self control to keep it neutral. When every inch of my being is screaming to smack down the kid who isn’t blood related. Because really? I don’t care who started it. I just want to make sure my child isn’t hurt or going to get hurt. I have to scream at myself to keep it fair. Because when Momma bear mode kicks in, fair isn’t part of the instinct.
There are times when my subconscious has to be guided and redirected. When I have to remind myself to serve the first dinner plate to a different kid. Or I have to give the end piece of cake, which I know is my son’s favorite, to one of my step kids. Because they love it too and, quite honestly, deserve it just as much as my kids.
Everyday sibling-step sibling dynamics is a constant test drive in the mommy almostobile.
And don’t EVEN get me started about when my husband tries to discipline MY kids. The hairs on the nape of my neck raise, my fangs bare and I start growling and foaming.
But. Alas. Co-parenting is about letting another bear step in and take over where the Momma bear is not making an impact. I guess.
And when things are being done in, what the Momma bear considers to be, an unfair way towards her cubs…forget about it. Hell hath no fury like a mommy protecting her young. No matter how passive-aggressive that hell hath.
Really though? No matter what. I think it’s absolutely impossible to be 100% fair and impartial to children other than your own. No matter how much you love the children of your spouse. And trust me, I love the children that came along with my spouse.
It’s the nature of the beast called Mommy.
Hear me roar.
P.S. I don’t care what my husband says, he is the same way when it comes to protecting his young from another mother.