On Spongebob and my complete hatred for him
Son: Mom. Spongebob is my favorite. You know why Spongebob is my favorite?
Me: No honey. I have no idea. Because honestly, he grosses me out.
Son: Mom. You should REALLY watch Spongebob. Because? You know what? If you watch it, you’ll love it too. Just like me.
Me: Oh, I doubt it.
Son: Mom. You know what you should do? You should go home. Sit on the couch with your head pointed forward. And you should watch Spongebob until it’s time to come get me. Because then, you’ll love him. And you’ll hate Patrick and Squidsworth just like me. And Mommy. You’ll think he’s really funny and you’ll laugh.
Me: I don’t think so honey. I have stuff to do and it really doesn’t include watching tv.
Son: What Mom? What do you have to do that’s so important? You have to go on your computer?
On God, Adam and Eve…
Son: Mom. You know those first people that God made? The ones that ate the apple and the ribs?
Me: They didn’t eat ribs honey. God made Eve out of Adams rib.
Son: How did God make those people?
Me: Um. Out of Play-doh.
He smiled. I smiled. And I TOTALLY thought he knew I was kidding.
Later that day my sister called to tell me that he announced to her that he knew how God made people. Out of Play-Doh. Apparently he has no sense of humor.
On how babies are made:
Son: Mommy. Are you going to have a baby?
Me: Heck no. You’re my last baby. YOU are the baby.
Son: Mommy. I know how babies are made. The “C” word.
Me: What? Is the C word?
Me: It’s actually an S. And do you know what sex is?
Son: Yes Mommy. You told me before. It’s a special hug between a Mommy and a Daddy.
Son: Are you sure it’s not the “C” word?
Me: Babies are not made by the C word. They are made from a few different S words, the F word and various other letters. But Mommy can’t get a baby in her tummy from a C word.
Son: Then what’s the C word?
Me: Never mind.
Son: That’s an N word.