Tonight, when my oldest son came home from spending the afternoon with his dad, he was in a particularly pissy mood. When I say particularly it’s because his general mood is pissy. So tonight, it was kicked up a few notches.
I asked him what was up. And by asking, I mean over and over again repeating myself by questioning what was wrong, starting out sympathetic ending exasperated. With him and I sitting directly across the kitchen table from each other. And he, being a teen, has fine tuned the ignore mom trait that teens seem to develop around the age of, oh say…two.
Finally. He picked up his head, which had been resting on the table. He looked directly at me and said. “Nothing. I’m not telling you.”
So, there’s me. All…you sure as hell are going to tell me. I worked this hard to get that little statement out of you. You’re gonna spill it or I’m going to cut your hair. Trust me, the kid needs a haircut. It’s gorgeous, his hair. But it’s a mop. Seriously. Turn him upside down and there is no way to differentiate.
He ran upstairs to his room. Yeah. He’s a toughie, that one. Love him but I think I might need to smash my face into a wall.
I followed him. Because a) I’m a mom and I need to know why my kid is upset. And b) I’m so freaking curious right now.
He went into his room, climbed into his bed and put his covers over his head.
I went into his room, climbed onto his bed and tried to pull the covers off his head.
That didn’t go too well.
He decided, under the safety of his covers. That it was OK to tell me what was upsetting. With a little prompting…fine…begging. From his Momma. 🙂
He told me that he thought my husband was having an affair because of something he found on the computer in the computers history. He wasn’t sure how he pulled it up. But somehow, he pulled up a site for men looking to have discreet relationships.
Me? I’m freaking, right!
He had found this ages ago. Well, maybe a few months ago. And he said that it has been eating him alive. Because he was convinced that I was being cheated on. And that upset him. The thing that upset him worse was, he was terrified that if I found out, I would take him, his sister and brother…and we would leave.
I told him to hang on. I’d be right back.
I went downstairs. I got in my husbands face and accused him of cheating on me. Because I act before I think. It’s how I roll. Can’t help it. My husband got mad at me. Jackass that he is.
Sidenote to you husbands. When your wife is freaking out because her child just informed her that you are having an affair. And she confronts you. Don’t laugh at her and ask her when he would have the time. Say something nice like…I dunno…why would I cheat? You give the best blow jobs this side of North America. Or…why would I want to go anywhere else when I’ve got it good here. You could even try something like…why would I ever cheat on you when I love you so much. Yeah. That’s a much better approach to a wife who is freaking out then laughing and being a general dipshit.
Based on his reaction, chances are he isn’t cheating.
I told my son that. I reassured him that we aren’t going anywhere. I kissed him. I hugged him. I blogged about it.
But. In the future. To all you stupid idiot husbands out there. Clear your computer history. OK? Because look. It’s one thing for you to get you rocks off on naked pictures of women with fake boobs and gaping holes that are looking to get fucked by married men.
Keep in mind. It’s a home computer. The kids use it. Which means, when your history isn’t cleared. Things pop up in the URL bar when they are typing things in. And when something pops up there that sounds interesting. They innocently click through. And find women with their legs spread wide open for married men to inspect. Or something equal inappropriate for kids to see.
Their imaginations start flip flopping and panicking. And pretty soon, they are worried sick for months that their parents are going to get divorced because the dad is screwing some woman whose vagina he saw online.
Either way. Use caution.
Clear the freaking history on your computer.