Target And Mind Control Over Our Youth…It’s A Merchandiser Conspiracy.

Navigating my cart through Target to find the “few” things I went in there for is never an easy task. Particularly when I have my kids with me.

Yesterday. Since the schools deemed it appropriate to close for election day. Which still pisses me off because we, my generation, are owed some sort of retribution for schools NEVER being closed. I wonder if there is a monetary sort of payoff involved or how I would collect those days owed to me. Maybe in the form of a vacation? Anyway, I digress…as usual…

Where was I? Oh…

So, I’m pushing my cart, which is somehow filling up rapidly with whim purchases. You know what those are, right? You see it, you decide today that you need it. Those.

My 5 y/o is in the cart WITH those purchases. Which somehow look very age appropriate for him. I wonder whose whim I’m catering to? My daughter is walking alongside me, whining about what she wants. So, to keep everyone in the store safe from busted eardrums due to high pitched noises, I allow her a few purchases. I’m a good, lazy parenting Mom like that.

But through my daughters whining is my sons constant barrage of questions. Mommy! Why do the leaves and the grass make air?
Me: Um? Something about chlorophyll. Not sure. Will have to look it up when we get home.

Mommy! Why do people have voices?
Me: So they can constantly ask questions.

The questions keep coming. Through the clothes section, where I mindlessly grabbed some stuff. Through the video section where I picked out a couple of movies. And the toy section. Oh yes, we are the proud new owners of made especially for Target Imaginext Space Station toys. And so on…
Finally, after grabbing things and answering my sons onslaught of questions that no one but a scientist…or Google…can answer, we get to the grocery section where I needed to buy some cheese. Target brand cheese is pretty good and the price can’t be beat. Same with their cereals, in case you didn’t know that already.

So…we are in the refrigerated section. My son. LOUDLY. Asks me…
Mommy! Why do people have eyes and how do they make you see?
Me: Um.
I look around, desperate for some back up. Maybe there is an eye doctor or a biology teacher standing around. Nothing. Except a woman who is chuckling at me.

I ask her for help. I BEG her. She laughs. She tell me, she has no idea. She was interested to know how I was going to answer it.
As I’m piling cheese and cereal by the armful into my cart, I’m trying to come up with an answer to this question that he KEEPS ASKING. Over. And. Over.

Finally. I told him that your eyes are like a camera and they take a picture of whats around you for your brain to inspect. It seemed to work for him. The lady told me to go home and google it. And she walked away, still laughing.

Fine, lady. Thanks so much for your help.

Then I realized. First of all, I didn’t learn anything in school. And second…

Target has mind control over our children. There is some sort of subliminal messaging going on in their commercials and over the intercom system in the stores which instructs our kids as to how to keep us busy so that we buy way too much.

There. I solved the problem as to why we can’t go into Target without spending over $100. Especially when we bring our children with us.

I still have to figure out why we have eyes and what makes them see.

But Target…I’m on to you. My eyes…are on you!

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