I am. A little. I’m big enough…and getting bigger…to admit it. I’m a teensy, weensy bit jealous of my husbands ex-wife.
Why, you ask? And stop staring. It’s not polite.
She only has to deal with one meal a week where there is whining. And I don’t even think they whine for her. Because they seem to appreciate her more. Which is normal, I guess. She is the mother of the two.
She never has to do mounds of laundry on a daily basis.
She can decide to go out of town whenever she wants without worrying about babysitters.
She doesn’t have to be heartbroken daily when the kids cry about their lives, friends, school, bad hair, placing the burden on my heart and shoulders, therefore allowing them to enjoy the rest of their day while I am stuck in panic mode figuring out a way to solve their life dilemmas before they decide to slit their wrists.
She can decide to go back to school without second thought regarding daily schedules and times of dependents. And also, paying for classes. She doesn’t have to decide on groceries to feed the family or Eng Comp 102. Because she can do both.
She doesn’t have to wake up at 6:45, every freaking morning until her eyeballs feel like they are going to fall out, just to make sure that kids are up, dressed, teeth and hair brushed, backpacks ready to go, lunches made and with the kid. She doesn’t even have to see 6:45…only pm. And even then.
She doesn’t have to have her afternoon silence shattered by fighting, screeching instruments, blaring music, loud chatter, video games, voices yelling for Mom. She can sit and enjoy the quiet murmur of the television. By herself. All. Day. Long.
She doesn’t have to worry about clothing the kids. Packing lunches. Homework. Instilling manners, respect, common decency, anything that makes a complete and fulfilled human being. Because it’s all being done for her. Not sure how well, but it’s something she doesn’t have to stress about.
So yeah. I’m jealous. Just a little. I’d like to only be responsible for me. I’d like to lay in bed when I’m sad and cry into my pillow without being interrupted by someone else crying about their life. I’d like to be able to go out for lunch without having to keep track of the time or else one of the kids will be left at school.
The problem is. That while I would love to have pieces of her life. The freedom of no obligations of any sort…
I’m not willing to compromise.
I won’t give up those that I’m obligated to. Because I’d be giving up my pulse, my oxygen…my life. And if I didn’t have any of those things then none of this really matters anyways.
So I guess I’ll just have to be jealous from afar as I’m cooking a gross dinner, emailing teachers, listening to teen angst and loud music…
All I need is a pair of earplugs, a glass of wine (or two) and a thought that someday, they’ll all be grown and gone and I’ll be wishing for these times back.
Tara R. says
I do appreciate how you feel, but she also doesn’t have the abundance of hugs, kisses, ‘I love yous,’ and all the really great perks. There are so many days I wish I could have all to myself and not have meals, and chores, and drama.
Your kids are incredibly lucky that you do refuse to compromise.
I agree with Tara. I wouldn’t trade any of what I have. Not that Im saying you would either, as I don’t think that’s the point of your post.
Tiaras & Tantrums says
she should worry about paying child support (just saying)
Miss Behavin says
Maybe they will decide to go live with her at some point. Not that that is what you want, and I’m not even suggesting that you do, I just know, having been on every single side of this situation…and then some, kids – especially teenagers – often want to test the waters on the other side when they feel it may benefit them more than their current arrangement. Does that make sense?
I think you’re an incredibly strong woman to deal with all of it, honestly. I’ve been there and I know it isn’t easy.
Mommy X says
I can see the jealousy for a second….it’s the kind of jealousy that I get for a few seconds when single people with no kids tell how “tired” they are and just want to go home and take a nap….but then that just lasts a few seconds. Then I realize how much they’re missing and how lucky I am to have a sweet face to kiss, someone to read to, someone that says “Iwuvooo, Mommy!” It’s a choice. Any one of us could abandon our responsibilities if we wanted to but it takes a Mom to face them and enjoy them.
The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. Yeah, it does sound wonderful to do exactly what you want when you want it, but on the other side……..there are a ton of daily rewards and smiles she misses out on.
Yeah, I know……it would still be nice to wake when you want, do what you want or do nothing at all 🙂
Theta Mom says
When I freak out when my son makes crumbs on the couch or whatever, my mom keeps reminding me that one day he’ll be grown and I’ll be wishing he was still little, making crumbs on my couch. Totally related to this post…the reality of motherhood.
Rock and Roll Mama says
TOTALLY get it. And while I hear those that are saying, “Yeah, but you get the…(hugs, kisses, what have you) I think you totally get that.
But that’s not the point of this post. Sometimes, the scales of equity don’t always balance out. And it’s hard.
This was my phone conversation with my son’s dad tonight. “Well, you know he lost the laptop on the metro, so that was $1500, and the digital pen was in there as well, so that’s another $300, and the school says we have to hire a tutor 2x a week, so that’s $600 a month on top of tuition. But. You know. Other than that, he seems really happy, so…”
Him: “So, everything’s good, right?”
Yeah. Everything’s good. We’ll deal with it. And I know we’re lucky that we can. But it still occasionally irks me that he’s never once had to. I only run down the list of expenses to let him know that what he sees is the tip of the iceberg. And I’m glad he’s as involved as he is. But I feel ya, dawg.
You’re right about it all. Some are “Calgon, take me away” days that seem never ending, Those are the days that the hugs, kisses, etc., don’t balance out the other things. But, since you’ve said you’d never give it up, I guess you realize that you are really loving the life you lead. I have two girls. One left for college. I can’t believe how much emptier this nest feels. Some days I long for the eye rolling, blaring of music I can’t stand and admonishments about being home on time.
You shouldn’t be even a tad jealous because as I think everyone has said “One day” those kids will come to you as adults, and thank you! Thank you for caring for me and loving me like my real mom didn’t always do, who wasn’t always there. You have the biggest heart ever, don’t ever doubt what you do, even when there are days where you want to retreat. Just take your moment like you do and know that in the end all your hard work will flourish with beautiful blossoms of children! ((HUGS))
It is a dilemma. I’m always craving a day away, some “me time.” Yet, when I get it, I wonder the whole time: What are the kids doing? Are they OK? I end up calling more than I should and micro-managing from afar. So, while I, too, envy your husband’s ex, I wonder what goes through her head on a daily basis?
T&T is totally right.
Melissa Multitasking Mama says
Coming from a girl whose mom made similar choices to the ex- those kids will not forget who did those everyday mundane things for them….you rock!
.-= Melissa Multitasking Mama´s last blog ..A time to keep and a time… =-.
dysfunctional mom says
AMEN. Knowing that you are totally sarcastic about being jealous. Because you wouldn’t trade places with her for 2 seconds.
But isn’t it sweet to get the perks and none of the stress?? @@
.-= dysfunctional mom´s last blog ..Weekend Wrap-Up 11.1.09 =-.