Mock Us All You Want, Mr. Groundhog But Just Remember You Don’t See Much Human Roadkill

After my doctors appointment this morning which x-rays confirmed the fact that I have swelling in my ankle. Might I mention that is completely obvious to the human eye and I didn’t need a picture of my insides to tell me. Miracles of modern science, my rosy fricking rear end. Take Motrin and call me in 3 weeks, my urethra.

ANYWHOO…

I met a friend at the shoe store, where I bought those fancy Dansko shoes in hopes that I may actually be able to walk without moaning. They’re quite cute, they are. Black patent with a vaseline looking glaze.

We decided to head over to Target. Both of us had some crap to buy and we figured we’d just go together and make a playdate of it.

We filled up our carts, because that’s what you do at Target. It’s virtually impossible to walk in there and not leave without spending a small mortgage. I had various shit that I needed…ok fine, wanted to buy. Plus, I had to buy Halloween candy to pass out. I had the willpower this year to NOT buy any until the last minute. So, I added three huge bags of candy to my cart to add to the small mortgage I had already prepped myself to pay for.

On the way out, I grabbed a bag of candy corn. Because. Yeah, just because.

So did my friend.

And we got in line to pay. My bill came to my house payment PLUS utilities. My husband will be so pleased.

So.

I’ll spare you the details of loading the car, getting in, strapping our seat belts AND opening a bag of candy corn. Because there is no way humanly possible to make that interesting. No matter how you try. So forget it. We’ll fast forward to driving home from Target. Ready?

We’re in the car, chatting and binging.

As we were popping the candy corn in our mouth. We saw the cutest thing. This fat little groundhog, sitting at the side of the road, eating an apple while watching the cars pass.

We both commented to each other, with our mouths FULL of candy corn, how cute that fat little feller eating that apple was.

And we both thought it was very interesting that his food choice was much healthier than ours. Apparently, he was doing something about his weight problem.

We laughed. At how funny it was to see that FAT goundHOG eating an apple. And here we were, discussing joining Weight Watchers on November 1st while shoveling candy corn into our pie holes.

The groundhog was probably laughing at us.

But just remember, groundhog. You. The one mocking us because you started Weight Watchers before we did. Just remember, we are the ones sitting in the car. You. Are sitting at the side of the road, precariously close to the street. Chances are, you’ll be road kill before you lose all your weight. Mwahahaha.

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