Dear G-D, Mother Nature, my parents and/or the person in charge of my voodoo doll self,
Hi.
You see, I was born a girl. I have the indoor packaging to prove it. Nothing dangling from the outside. Everything all neat and tidy in its place.
I have wide hips. Sometimes sexy. Depending on the day.
Those wide, childbearing hips came in handy for the hefty sized children I carried in my womb. 3 times, thank you.
I have boobs that, quite frankly, weren’t that firm and perky to begin with. But, they were fine. They did the job. And…they still do.
I’m very curvy. Some curves where they should be. Some I try to ignore on a regular basis. And as long as I don’t catch a glimpse in the mirror, it makes that task much easier to accomplish.
I wear make-up, get my long hair coiffed and my nails done. Often. Even if it means my kids can’t eat that week ;).
I like pretty, sparkly things. Sometimes they are real. Sometimes, not. Either way, they are pretty. And sparkly. Like my personality.
I. Am. Woman.
Which leads me to the reason for this letter.
Hear me roar…
What in the HELL. Are these black hairs doing on my chin? And why are the procreating?
Is this some sort of cruel joke or am I destined to be a side show freak in a circus?
Melissa
The Bearded Blogger
HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAAAAA
AMEN!!!!1
Bahahahahahahah….
I hate those dang things..
bahahahahahaha
HAHAHAHA!
Oh lord. Thank you for the laugh.
And I’m with you. Not on that point exactly YET, but I’m sure it’s to come. Runs in the family. There are other….issues….that I’m struggling with at the moment.
But I sympathize.
Does the circus need a blogger? Because that might be your ticket in.
LMAO!!! SERIOUSLY! WHY????? I obsess on my chin area!!! Thanks for the laugh!!! Hard to feel feminine on days when you are driving in your car and see in the review mirror nasty little hair….UGH ruins my day!!
Mine, so far, are long & white but still not very attractive! I think it’s a cruel joke. Whiskers are for men & cats!
Oh boy!! I’m speechless. Almost……
get thee some Nair!
Seriously? Since starting hormone treatments years ago I started sprouting hairs on my chest.
On. My. Chest.
And then? A few in the “moustache” area.
They make me want to cry.
I completely sympathize with your plight.
Yeah – wait until they start sprouting out of your neck! One day they aren’t there and the next? They’re 3″ long!
Welcomr to old age….it involves tweezers! 😉
I have one really long beard hair that I make my husband pull out with his fingers when it gets so long that he comments on it. I figure, I already won. I have nothing to prove to anyone anymore. I got the guy. I birthed the kids. He can deal with the lone beard hair.
This is very funny because earlier tonight the hub and I were watching a documentary on this Bearded Lady who performs in Circus Amok. Her opinion is, wear that beard with pride. That’s why she works in a postmodern sideshow. Its an idea . . .
LMAO!!
Flippin awesome letter!