I’d like to come clean. I MUST tell you EVERYTHING I’ve received since I’ve started blogging. The guilt (gag) has been eating me alive. Also, because G-D knows you’d have to turn me upside down and shake me to find $11,000 to fine me(if you do find $11,000, I need it to pay some bills though). So lets get this full disclosure transparency thing out of the way. Because seriously, I don’t need another fricking thing to worry about with how damn stressful my life is. And this is just one more thing that I, OF COURSE, even though it BARELY pertains to me, have to obsess about. Because that’s how I’ve been rolling lately.
I’ve received with obligation to review…(start taking notes, people at the FTC)
5 different vibrators and a cock ring. You know, the kind your partners use when you are at work when they get that itch that needs to be scratched. Which they probably won by entering giveaways on BLOGS that hang out with Eden Fantasys or Pink Cherry.com. ( Are you going to make them pay fines for receiving winning products and not disclosing?)
Yes, I used mine. Oh yes, I did a review on my blog. With FULL disclosure and probably way too much TMI. The toys are still sitting in a drawer next to my bed, waiting patiently for my children to happen upon them and embarrass us by asking what they are. You are more than welcome to them. Particularly the ring. Gently used, free to good home.
I received a Swiffer vacuum 2 years ago. I TOTALLY forgot to do a review on the thing. And gee…I’m so sorry. But now that I’m thinking about it, the battery on that thing sucks. It only vacuums for a few minutes before it coughs, sputters and dies. I like it though. It sucks the crap off my kitchen floor better than my Dyson. Which blows. And no, I did not get anything to compensate my opinion on the Dyson. Which, did I happen to mention, blows? It’s a waste of money. The Oreck is WAY better. So was my old Eureka. Anyways, I digress…
I was given some eco friendly cleaning supplies, a couple things I liked, the others…so so. Some videos. A book. A doll (not a blow up sex kind, thank you very much). I did reviews as promised. I stated my opinions here and here, which were not swayed, at all, by receiving the stuff for FREE. Because I tell it like it is.
I’ve never received a vacation, a car, a major appliance. And I’m really, really pissy about that. I mean, after all, I live in Michigan…Motor City. I’ve blogged about MY car, a super old Honda Pilot, which is about to break down. My five kids and I will have to walk everywhere. Barefoot. Up hills. Both ways.
But no car companies are knocking down our doors. And this is the car capital of the United States. So what’s up with that?! 😉
No coffee maker companies have offered to give me a coffee maker for review. Well, probably because of how many stinking coffee makers we go through. Although, you’d think, seeing as we have broken everything from expensive to cheap, some company or another would want us to do resilliency testing on their products. Because if they can make it here, they can make it anywhere.
I haven’t had a vacation without kids in 6 years. Yeah. I know. Sucks.
Sadly, I’m not Dooce so, when I tweet about things breaking down. And I call out the brand on Twitter…I get ignored. Gee, I suppose I should insert a sigh here. *dripping with sarcasm*
But FTC? You know what I got from blogging? That you couldn’t even put a price on.
Well, I’m going to tell you.
The most amazing “brands”. I have, luckily, received a bunch over the course of the two years that I’ve been blogging. I’ve done a few “reviews” on them. Lots of free publicity here on my blog.
So try to fine me on that.
I double dog dare ya.
ps. I just lied when I signed it yours truly. Because what I really wanted to say was bite me.