I was on the Dr. Phil show last week. As some of you know. The whole experience was awesome. I would do it again in a second. Even the flying part!!
It was never clarified. Nothing was EVER brought up about why I was on the Dr. Phil Show with Maria Housden. It looked like I was just a random mom with a random opinion about mothers who chose to leave their children.
Many of you, my friends, know my back story. So it made perfect sense to you that I was on THAT particular show. But to many of my new friends who have just started reading my blog, you are probably vague on the details. And for those of you who are finding my blog, after seeing the show and through a random google search, you’re probably wondering WTH, right? Who was that Melissa chick in the front row who made such a passionate outburst. And WHY was a video of her family shown?
Well, I’m going to tell you why.
It was stated on the show that I am a mother of 5 children. That…is the truth. 3 I popped out myself, thank you very much. My husband has two from his first marriage who live with us because their mother chose to give up her physical custody. She claims that she was bullied into it. But honestly, while I will gently humor her, I was a witness to how easily she signed the form. There was not a single ounce of intimidation involved.
Now granted, their mother didn’t actually “leave” them. She is still in the same county as us. She sees her children often and as hands on as she is capable of. She is a kind woman and everyone is very lucky that we get along as well as we do. The kids get to grow up with their mother and step-mother getting along and accepting each other. And that is a gift to these kids. They don’t ever have to feel guilty about loving either one of us.
But. And that, my friends, is a bigger but than the one I sit on.
The fact remains that HER children live with me. And she can pick or choose when she feels like seeing them. They are along for her ride.
And THAT is why I was asked to be on the Dr. Phil Show. Because of my opinion regarding women who leave their children. Which I am passionately opinionated about.
Women don’t leave. Unless there is something fundamentally emotionally wrong with them and the children are better off being raised in an environment that their mother isn’t a part of. Like living in the back of a tool shed, shooting up heroin. Or, living on the streets. Or an insane asylum. Sometimes there are other varying degrees of extenuating circumstances.
But selfish reasons…unacceptable.
One can argue until their face is all blue and blotchy that all through time, men have left and no one bats an eye. That…is not true. There is no excuse, male or female, for LEAVING your innocent children. Who NEVER asked to be brought into this world.
If you look at most animal species though, the male leaves. It’s just the way of nature. In the animal kingdom, however, it’s instinctual not choice.
When a parent leaves, it’s a conscious decision. Good, bad or indifferent. Yes, it’s more commonplace for the father to leave. When the mommy leaves…it’s shocking.
I am living the aftermath of when a mother leaves their children. They are forever changed. From the second that mother leaves, she changes the course of who those children were going to be.
My stepson lives in anticipation of seeing his mother. He is forever stunted from her leaving. My stepdaughter has come to expect to be disappointed by her. Constantly.
I live with children who were left.
The woman who left them is hard to get hold of. She leaves on trips whenever she feels like it. She sleeps in. She doesn’t have to make school lunches or help with homework. She doesn’t have loads and loads of laundry to wash, fold and put away. She can lay in bed when she has period cramps or a sore throat.
She leads her own life. The way she wants.
That. Is why I say that women who leave are selfish. Selfish. Selfish.
And when Dr. Phil said that we have an unwritten contract with our children, from the moment they are conceived. I wanted to go on stage and high five him with a woot woot.
Because it’s the truth.
And if you can’t honor that contract. The one you are supposed to seal in blood, sweat, tears from the moment of conception…
You don’t deserve to be called Mom. Mother. Mommy. Ma. Mum. WHATEVER.
Your children come first.
You come in a close second.