Flying terrifies me. Everything about it. The take off, the landing and the zipping through the air.
Scares the crap out of me.
When I was younger, I flew with my parents as security blankets, confident that nothing could happen while I was in the air with them sitting by me. Excitedly looking out the window at the floor of clouds beneath me, hoping to catch a glimpse of something fabulous before it was time to relinquish the seat to my sister, waiting impatiently for her turn.
As I grew older and left the refuge of false and blind faith, flying began to absolutely horrify me.
I would sit almost immobilized, breathless and very white knuckled, upright with tray in locked position until after take off. Praying to something I don’t even believe in but hoping upon hope that He would take pity on a poor non-believer and let her live another day.
Or at least until it was time to land.
Upon descent I would take what I was sure would be my last breath of air and hold it until the captain turned off the no-smoking and seat belt signs. But only after I retrieved my carry-on from the overheard compartment, and I shuffled my way with the rest of the herd to the front exit, did I exhale and take another deep breath once my feet hit the firm floor of the airport.
Thankful to have made it.
To who? I don’t know. But regardless.
Once I had kids, flying became even more ridiculously daunting to me.
Because what if?
And all of us at once.
Or, if I’m by myself and my kids are at home…who would raise my children? They need their Mommy.
So I don’t fly.
I canceled my flight to Chicago and drove Courtney to Blogher, last July. Because, holy hell I was NOT going to die on a flight that only lasts for less than one hour.
Tomorrow.
I will board an airplane. For the first time without ANYONE except my fellow passengers.
And I’m beyond scared.
I won’t have my security blanket.
I won’t be an entire family.
It’ll just be me.
My breath and my white knuckles, silently beseeching someone or something I profess to not even believe in. Imploring a higher power to let me get, unharmed, to my destination. To let me return to my family, in one piece.
Laughing at myself because I’m being irrational.
But that is fear.
Irrational.
Tomorrow will be a test for me.
If I can do this, without dying of self-inflicted suffocation due to breath holding…
Or worse.
Then the rest of my adventure will be a cake-walk.
Because if I can fly. I can do anything.
I am terrified of flying. The thought of it makes me sick. I have a panic attack when I flew to Charlotte last month. Luckily my mom was with me so that she could help me with the baby who was handling the flight better than me. Where ya going?
I really do know how you feel. I used to love to fly. The take offs and landings scare the bejeezus out of me, but afterward I tell myself ‘that wasn’t so bad.” I do love being in the air though, and am almost constantly taking photos out the window, if I get a window seat.
I really hope you have fun and can conquer this fear.
You will be just fine. Smile, have fun and say hello to SoCal for me. Damn I miss dirty LA.
You can do it! I hate takeoffs and landings….they suck HUGE in my fear meter. Take a good book and enjoy your trip, you will have SOOOO much fun!!
You can, you can! You’ll be fine.
I recommend putting on the mindset that you are a HUGE celebrity. if you can pretend that you’re sitting on the plane like Angelina Jolie or someone like that, it might distract you just a wee bit. You can do it! xoxo
You can do it! I promise, it’s won’t be as bad as it seems. And if you can take a Xanax before hand, I totally recommend it!
I will be thinking of you. I can relate, Melissa. I have to travel for work almost once a month and I confess that I HATE flying. I have my dream job but that is my least favorite part. People think I’m nuts. But, you know, you are who you are. It’s not enough to know it’s totally irrational. Like I said, I will be thinking of you. And you will be totally fine. How could anything happen now that you’ve blogged about it?
It will be much easier than you think. Best of luck. I’m sure you will do just fine!
Well, I’ll quit pestering you to come see me, because an 11 hour flight really could do some damage to your nerves!
Good luck and I hope you have a compassionate (and very good looking) seat mate to take your mind off the flight :-0
Everything will be ok
You can DO IT girlie! You can do this! You are going to have a blast & you’re going to do this. I like Melisa’s idea– think about how you’re “Angelina Jolie” and you’re famous!
🙂
xo
I know from your tweets that you made it there safely! I hope it was an uneventful flight and that your return flights goes well. xoxo
I am afraid of heights & flew for the first time in my life a few years ago. I have only flown 3 times, but that was 1 thing I thought I would never do. You can do this! Take somethng with you to occupy your time. Breathe. Don’t hold your breath. We will all be with you in spirit! Cheering you on!
Melissa… I share your exact same fear. I HATE FLYING yet I do it over and over and over again. I so far refuse to fly without my kids because all I keep thinking about is the insane of mommy guilt I’ll be feeling as the plane crashes… if I have to go anywhere without my kids, I’m driving. At least I’m in control when I drive, you know? Good for you for taking this flight and getitng home safe. Maybe after you do it once it gets easier, going without the kids? Who knows… my post today was about my fears, too flying included. It’s just never a restful flight for me…