I was born a Jew.
I was forced to go to Sunday School with all the other Jewish kids whose parents dragged them up the stairs of our Temple to the religious school entrance.
Our practices, laws and history crammed down our throats until we puked them back up for Bar Mitzvahs, Confirmations and finally…our Temple Graduation. Yeah, I graduated from Sunday School High School. And my children will do the same.
I went to Temple and listened.
I listened to our history.
The stories of my people.
Of Adam and Eve. Of Noah and his Arc.
All the chronicles of our people, living in the Bible and Torah.
Along with more modern day Jewish heroes.
They are beautiful and colorful.
And uplifting and hopeful.
The Jewish history sings and dances of strength and perseverance.
It rejoices in its continuity and pride.
I never got into the religious aspect of the religion.
I never felt the comfort of God when I walked into Temple for the High Holy Days of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur.
I laughed inside at some of italicized print in our prayer books that instructed the congregation to repeat after the Rabbi said his bold print part.
I found so much of it to be…difficult for me.
I read the italicized print out loud but my mouth formed words that my heart didn’t hear. Because I didn’t believe.
I didn’t feel it.
I never did.
I still don’t.
I am a Jew. I will always be a Jew.
I don’t have to believe in God to feel a sense of my community or of my rich and incredible history.
I don’t have to go to Temple on the High Holy Days and worship to something that I have a hard time believing in its very existence.
That would be hypocritical.
Perhaps I’m being just that by dragging my kids to our Temple and depositing them, against their free will, to have our history and religion shoved down their throats.
I’m OK with that. I lived through it. They will too.
They will get to decide for themselves, when they are adults
They will decide one day if they believe and practice.
But one thing, no matter what they may or may not believe.
And no matter what I do or don’t believe.
We were born into such a beautiful and rich history.
And for that part, I feel so lucky.
I hope that, one day when my children are done gagging on our religion and they wipe away the taste of resentment, that they realize it too.
We are Jewish. We were born Jewish. We will always be Jewish.
And that is something to wear with pride.
To all my Jewish friends during this holiday season,
Shana Tovah to you and yours. Have a happy, healthy and sweet New Year.
XOXO
You said that well. I’m in the same place, always have been. I have always felt an undeniable pull to my community. While I felt the same way about Hebrew School as you did (and my daughter has just started) my most cherished memories are of summer camp, seeing Israel for the first time and in university I participated in a program that took me to concentration camps in Poland and then to Israel. I interviewed Holocaust survivors for the Shoa Foundation. My degree is in Religious Studies with a minor in Jewish history. I was a madricha on an Israel Experience program and took 40 teenagers to Israel for their first time. All of that, and I feel as you do about shul, it doesn’t make me feel any closer to God or any more Jewish. It may make me feel even less, actually because I don’t “relate” or “feel” it. I often feel that I have a closer connection to being Jewish than many of my friends and family who go to synagogue on the High Holy Days. It doesn’t always matter where you are, but who you are. I feel a Jello post coming on….
Shana Tova to you and your family.
If you look back at history, those of us who profess to be “Christians” are nothing more than really, really, really Reformed Jews.
Happy New Year, Shana Tova to you and yours.
Happy New Year to you, Melissa… Beautifully written post! I feel the same way about my religious… went to Sunday School, will probably put my kids in Sunday School too, but as for my faith and belief, I don’t feel like I have to attend services to pray, etc. In fact most people in church are the ones who do nothing but gossip! Anyway… enjoy your weekend!
I am Catholic & like Tracy said, it echoes a lot of the same feelings. The difference is I do go to church & believe in my up-bringing to a point. I’m not a holy-roller by any means, but I do feel a connection to God in my everyday life as well as in church. I didn’t always feel that way. I was a very rebellious teen & really screwed up for awhile. Now that I’m older, I appreciate it more.
Thanks for sharing your feeling with us & Happy New Year to you & yours! 🙂
I love you for writing this. I feel EXACTLY the same way. Exactly. Happy New Year, babe.
Hi! Found your blog through Mommy is Rock and Roll. I really liked this post and feel the same way you do. I was raised with a Jewish parent and a Catholic parent. I definitely feel a huge connection to my Jewish side, but don’t really believe in God. I’ve always kind of struggled with the fact that I love the Jewish religion, but don’t believe in the one big thing it seems to surround. I really appreciate this post!
I have been trying to leave a comment about how much I liked what you said, but a cookie keeps coming up saying thaat I already said that. See if this works.
I changed my name, because the site keeps saying that I already said that. Anyway, great blog.
I feel the same way about being dragged to church by my Baptist mother. I still struggle with so much of what my religion teaches and how so much of it’s congregation behave that is counter to those teachings.
Hope you and yours have a happy and sweet New Year!
Happy New Year, Mel! 🙂
I loved this posting – honest – poetic – inspiring! Funny really considering the content but you are! I am a single LDS Mum and firmly believe in finding the common beliefs we share in this world – there are many – you are a testament of that – I loved your views and cannot wait to see what you share next – I will definately be back to read more of your world. Thanks
Happy New Year!
I was also born Jewish – kind of. My dad’s family is and he was raised in a strict conservative home, but never cared too much about religion except for his parents’ sake. My mom isn’t Jewish – well, technically she converted when she married my dad (I never knew that until I found the papers when I was a teenager), and she tried to raise my brother and I as Jews for my dad’s parents’ sake, but they died when I was young and my dad never cared after that so my mom gave up. She sent us to Hebrew School for kindergarten and first grade but then let us choose if we wanted to go on after that – and what kid wants more school if they have the option to get out of it… We never went to Temple – my mom just didn’t know how to be Jewish and my dad never cared that he was. We didn’t go to church either, but my mom couldn’t give up Christmas and Easter.
So I was raised having a Christmas tree and getting presents from Santa and having the Easter Bunny visit but also lighting the Menorah and going to my aunt’s for the Seder every year (until she moved away). My mom always told us we were ‘half-Jewish and half-Christian’, which pretty much meant that we weren’t all of either. I like to say that religion-wise, I was raised… Confused. And am still that way for the most part. My husband isn’t religious but we live in one of the most church-filled areas of the state. I’ve tried taking my girls to church but stopped a year ago because I just couldn’t bring myself to fully believe. I want my girls to believe – in something, but still struggle with what…
Sorry, wrote a book here – but you touched on a very complicated subject for me. I wish you a wonderful New Year!!
I was raised as a Reform Jew and went to Religious School through 8th grade. I didn’t get confirmed because my parents quit our temple when there was some big controversy; so that was that. After that, no temple until after my first son was born. Actually, when he was three! Hubs (who hadn’t yet converted but was committed to raising Jewish kids) and I decided that we had to start doing something with the religious upbringing. I am unsure about my beliefs as far as G-d goes.
For me, the whole Jewish experience is one of Community. We have belonged to the same Reconstructionist synagogue (I LOVE how it’s right in the middle between Reform and Conservative) since 1996 and we’re involved there. I go there and I feel a sense of belonging, which I love. Going to services, which we don’t do as much as we used to, is somehow comforting to me after a long and busy week.
But I agree with you: it’s a totally personal thing. You don’t have to go to temple to be Jewish. It’s so much more than that!
L’shanah tovah tikatevu, PH! May you be inscribed in the book of life for a great and sweet new year! Luv ya!
xoxo
Happy New Year!
My sister is the reason we dropped out of Temple growing up. Now she is doing what you are! On the other hand, my family (hubby & boys) is “Cashews” (Catholic-Jews). We don’t go to church or temple but will celebrate any holiday with food or presents. (kind of rules out Yom Kippur, if you don’t figure in the break-fast)! We sort of pick & choose our beliefs. Probably would be going to Hell but the Jew in me doesn’t believe in it!
People have called me devout. I am Catholic. I feel embarrassed at such an prestigious title as I don’t go to church as much as I should.
When I was younger I thought how wonderful to become a nun. But I never got that calling. Throughout the years I discovered that I was extremely sensitive to the feelings of others. I sometimes cry in church because I actually feel the faith in that room.
Not everyone gets that. Not everyone can become a nun or equal in other religions.
And some people just don’t reach that rung until they are at their most needy moment.
I do believe that if you walk the path it comes to each of us at our own time. And I believe taht we should place our children on that path, from there they find their own way. 🙂
I think that it is wonderful that you know so much about the rich history of Judaism and that your kids will too. I am, from what Facebook tells me, a Neo-Pagan. I have strong beliefs in a “higher power” but no physical God as others imagine or believe, so we are similar to our beliefs in God. I think religion is wonderful for its rich history and the ideal of living a good life, but not as you said for the holy warmth. What you have said is beautiful, the world has so much to offer and just because you are born into a way of life does not mean you have to live it to a Tee, but you can gain such a wonderful love and respect for it. Have a Happy New Year Mel!
Great post Melissa! My parents were raised Catholic and I always felt left out that I wasn’t made to go to church or take my sacraments. I finally chose to, on my own, but it was more of a way of fitting than a huge calling. All my friends were doing it, I should too. Or, more appropriately, they got donuts after church and I wanted donuts! I do, however, take pride that it was my decision.
I ended up minoring in Theology at University and took a Jewish Thought and Practice class. I went to Marquette University, which is Catholic, and that was the most sought after class; there was a waiting list to get into it!
I found Judaism so interesting and rich in history, it was no wonder it was such a popular class. (And the Rabbi teaching the class looked like George Hamilton, but that’s another story!)
Today, I still classify myself as Catholic but I have many issues with their dogma. And I don’t go to church but I do believe in God.
I too am that kind of Jew. My husband and I went back and forth about going to services this year and decided to wait. Mainly cause we didn’t feel like going. But also cause we haven’t yet found our Jewish community here. And also cause we loathe responsive readings filled with phrases like, “My God, My Rock and My Redeemer.” It seems less offensive in Hebrew, but in English, it freaks me out. So next year. Shofars for everyone.
What a beautiful and honest tribute to your heritage and faith. I have known a few Christians through the years who have been so taken by Judaism that they have converted. I think it is important to provide some religious instruction to children so they have a moral compass to follow in their lives.
Shana tova! Great post!
I’m a shiksa married to a Jewish guy. We go to high holiday services with his parents. I am far more into it than he is. But that doesn’t make him any less Jewish and it doesn’t make me any more Jewish no matter how hard I try. The rabbi actually did a standing-ovation-worthy sermon about Jewish identity, how it’s not about God and spiritual beliefs, necessarily. Then he said something that made me cry. He thanked all the non-Jews at temple that day, all the interfaith couples, who were there to support and carry on Jewish traditions or community. I’ve never been thanked. I’d always been looked at as an outsider who tried too hard. It was a wonderful feeling.
You are lucky to be Jewish. I am lucky to know about what it means to be Jewish. Happy new year!