The big guy, sometimes referred to as the King, oftentimes has testosterone-fests in the palace dining hall called games of ye olde poker.
He invites other kings from neighboring kingdoms to join him in this good-natured, somewhat competitive event.
The king never really finds the need to get a firm yes from the Queen because, well, he knows she doesn’t completely approve. And she loves giving him a hard time about it. Because really, she doesn’t love these events to take place at her home.
It’s not that she doesn’t approve of…
the actual card game. She is ok with that.
Or, the fact that the other kings are noisy and obnoxious until the wee hours of the morning, oblivious and impervious to the fact that there are princes and princesses running amok throughout the corridors, spying upon the game players. Unable to settle down because of all the excitement of their father having a boisterous card game.
She’s OK with the fact that the big guy and his little friends all drink mega tons of bubbly libations.
She’s even OK that there is generally a bazillion returnables lined up on the counter next to the sink the following morning.
She wishes that they wouldn’t smoke those big, fat, grotesque smelling cigars around the outside of the castle. Because, like a fart, the stench follows them everywhere they go. EVEN when they come inside the castle after smoking outside. And the Queen thinks she’d almost rather smell a fart than cigar odor.
But, if you remember this post, and yes you should just go and refresh your memory. I’ll have a big glass of water and perhaps some hot tamales while I wait.
Back? OK…the story shall commence…
The King had a friendly little game of poker tonight. And all the regular kings, kings men and serfs were there (including the Queens ex-husband). Drinking beer. Smoking cigars. Being loud. And testosterone-like.
That childhood friend from the linked post. The one that the Queen had to have a talk with the King about. Yeah. He was back. And up to his usual shenanigans. Only, this time…worse.
You see, the Queen and her big feller King had a couple of friends and their kids over for dinner before this blessed event of a poker game. So, not only were there the normal 5 children who lived in this particular castle, running rampant through the backyard and corridors of the castle. There were also 6 other visiting children. Running rampant through the backyard and corridors of the castle with them.
And that childhood pot sucking down friend was at the kingdom. With him, he brought not just a ton of pot but…
a stripping hooker. Well, the verdict is still out about the hooker part. But she is definitely a stripper. And a really exceptionally vile one, at that. The Queen wonders how it’s possible that any establishment would hire the ugly grossness that is sitting in her dining room. With her cheap sweat pants that say SEXY on the ass. And a pitiful excuse for a halter top, spray painted with a more attractive likeness of herself. Two for one scary. *shudders*
Every single one of the children who were running rampant throughout the backyard and corridors stopped and stared in wonderment as she walked from her car into the castle. Why was there only one woman invited and playing poker, amongst all men? Why did the kings childhood friend bring such a disgusting creature with him to the game at the castle? Where in the HELL did he meet her? And WHAT is flying around her crotch?
And does his wife know? Does she have any clue?
Because this unsavory character, sitting amongst all men, which she was so obviously used to doing…
When someone mentioned the name of the wife, she had no clue that he was even married.
And the Queen took the King aside. And the Queen said very nicely and ladylike in volume to her big guy…
that this is never to happen again. That stripping hooker is not welcome back. Besides, she smelled like old woman vagina and seriously stunk up the room she sat in.
And that friend is never allowed back. Between smoking pot on the front lawn for the entire neighborhood to see. And subjecting us to hookers.
He is no longer welcome in this castle.
Later, after the 6 other children and their mothers left, the Queen herded her own children upstairs to their bedchambers.
She got them all settled down and in bed.
And she went into her own mecca of love room and shut the door, drowning out the poker game noises and stenches.
The Queen thought about the evening and her husbands friend and his actions.
She wondered how or if she should mention this to her friend, his wife.
And the Queen. She sighed. Sadly. And deeply.