I start something. And I never finish. I completely stop. And thanks to my friend at Charming and Delightful and the post she wrote yesterday, I’ve been thinking about this subject. A. Lot.
It could be the middle of a conversation. A crochet project, which I have bags full of started purses, sweaters, scarves, blankets. A diet. You name it. I start it. And I stop it. It doesn’t matter. I have a hell of a time finishing, if I even get that far.
I don’t know if I’m a quitter or if I get overwhelmed and don’t know what to do once I start something. Which makes me give up. I really couldn’t tell you. I think it’s a combination thereof. Aside from my wide ass, it’s my least favorite characteristic. Physical or otherwise. Because it makes me look inconsistent. And it makes me seem a little flaky.
I start everything out with the best intentions. Really. I fully expect to see it out until the bitter end. But, one thing I’m consistent about. My inconsistencies. I’m the most inconsistently consistent inconsistent person that I know.
I started crocheting these gorgeous bags. And I lined them in the most beautiful fabric. I started an Etsy store. I hung out at Etsy in the forums. And then…I quit making these bags. I had to charge way too much. As pretty as they were, they didn’t sell. So I gave up. And I have TONS of them laying around my house. Maybe I should do a giveaway.
I start every fucking diet on the planet. I get frustrated after a couple of weeks. Because it’s not quick and instant. Or I fall off the wagon for a minute. So I give up. And then I eat out of frustration.
I didn’t do consistently well in school because of how easily I gave up. Especially if I didn’t “get” the subject immediately. I’d tune out of school work and tune into my walkman cassette player.
I started a project a couple of years ago called Project Lovey. And I got overwhelmed and gave up. But it was a terrific idea. And I looked like an ass. Because I was so gung ho on it. I got a bunch of my blog friends into the idea. I started a blog for it. We were going to collect and make bags for kids in homeless shelters of things they would need to call their very own. And pfft. Just like that. Because I took on too much by myself, I let it drop. The whole damn thing. But I still have the blog that went along with this idea. Project Lovey. Yeah. That was a great idea.
I can’t believe I’ve lasted this long with a blog. Really. I’m surprised that, amidst all the frustration of it not being in the exact place I want it to be, I still write it. And that I even had the personal audacity to start a review blog. And to take on a couple other blogging projects that I’m passionate about.
Don’t think I haven’t thought about quitting the whole blog scene. Sometimes it’s a fight of the devil vs. the angel. Those cute little critters that hang out on my shoulders. The devil is telling me to fuck it. My blog will never go further than where it is now. The angel is telling the devil to shut up because it’s something we’re passionate about and it doesn’t matter. But when I tell how many times that devil has come super close to convincing me to hit the private button and give it a LONG rest. WOW.
It’s easier to give up than fight. Period. For anything. And the suck ass thing about me. I give up.
I don’t know how to change this about myself. I don’t know how to, suddenly after 40 years, come up with that stick-to-itness that seems to come to others so easily.
I want to crochet these gorgeous items and be able to sell them on etsy.
I want to lose weight and get into shape.
I would love to start Project Lovey again.
I want my blog and my new project to be successful.
I want to tell that Devil on my shoulder to go to hell and leave me alone with my Angel that whispers to me all the things I need to hear.
I’ve wish I could conquer this little personality flaw.
But I’ve given up.
And I don’t want to give up.