A little over 10 years ago, he announced to me that he understood why men kill their wives and children. He had just lost hundreds of thousands of dollars in the market, doing stupid day-trading. He lost everything. This was around the same time a man killed his family for the exact same reason.
A little over 10 years ago, we were fighting in front of my little boy, who was 3. He had his hands over his ears. Suddenly, he tore his little chubby fingers away from his head, scrunched up his face and cried, “You know what guys, it’s all my fault.” He blamed himself. My baby. The first 3 years of his life was filled with screaming and yelling and parents who didn’t get along. And he blamed himself. We stopped arguing and ran to him.
A little over 10 years ago. After fighting. And wishing you dead. Of being miserable. And eating away my misery in boxes of cereal and goldfish crackers. I had an epiphany.
We deserved more.
My children. Me. We.
We deserved calm. And happy. And peace. Which wasn’t going to happen while we were together.
So I took my children. I made a choice for my children. And on behalf of my children. Because I am their greatest advocate.
And we left you. Sitting at the kitchen table with your mother. Not realizing that we were never coming back.
And 10 years ago today. My attorney filed the paperwork.
10 years ago today.
I took my kids on a journey. One they didn’t ask for. One they didn’t want.
It was hell what my son went through. His unnatural and unusual closeness to his father. He longed for his daddy, even when he was with him.
I worried about making my children statistics. But really, non-divorced families are sadly becoming the statistics and we are the norm.
And my babies. 3 1/2 and 1 1/2. Went blindly, trustingly…with no choice really…on this journey.
10 years later.
So much has changed. For me. For the kids.
10 years later.
Nothing has changed for you.
I’m sorry for you.
But for me, I celebrate.
Because 10 years ago today, I got a life.
And you still haven’t.
My parents’ divorce was final ten years ago today which was also their 20th wedding anniversary. I remember that my mom went to my dad’s apartment and they talked calmly for the first time in years. Too little too late.
CONGRATS!!!
I really, really hope that in 10 years I can say the same for myself, that I’ve moved on and have a new life and new love and new hope. I really do. Thank you for sharing this.
Wow. Nice post.
BRAVA!!!
Melissa.. it makes me smile..that is all..it makes me smile.. xoxox
My divorce was such a blessing. I am sorry that my kids have been hurt, but they are SO much better off with their dad and I NOT together.
I’m glad you are in a better place now.
xoxo
You
wrote this beautifully.
xo
you lived it rather beautifully, too.
erin
Brava for saving your children and yourself.
wow. powerful. you need to submit this to some sort of short essay writing contest.
Great post!
I got divorced 11 years ago last month, and I so relate to this. We never had children, but everything else is so similar. I’ve moved on and am happy. His life hasn’t changed much…
What a great post. I read it feeling very happy for you and the choice you made for you and your children. Hugs.
*cries*
I got a call just today that my son…five, is having troubles at school. Crying more than normal, smarting off more than normal….breaks my heart. I hope that when things settle down from the divorce/sale of house that my baby will get back to himself…or better….
And look how far your life has come… bravo, babe, bravo…