I listen to my sister complain.
She is an attorney. She practices out of her home but also through my dads office.
Her husband has a great job too.
She feels that Womens Lib has failed her and many other working moms.
Why? I asked.
Because society dictates that women should go out and work. Yet, the rules haven’t changed to suit societies dictation, to paraphrase her. Women are also the ones in charge of taking care of the kids, the house, the meals. They are the ones who miss work when the kids are sick. Much more responsibility is placed on the mother than on the dad.
Just to name a few of her complaints.
Wanna know what I think?
Bull. Shit.
Hear me out before you roll your eyes, judge me and delete me from your reader.
Yes. Women are the harder of work horses. There is NO DOUBT about it.
We do cook, clean, take care of the kids AND some of us work.
Some of us have no choice. We have to work to make ends meet.
The way I see it. Purely based on observation and no true research.
Well, the way I see it anyway, as I’m sitting in my kitchen, writing this. With both SAHM and WOHM notches in my motherly belt…which, by the way, is getting snug.
There are pros and cons to both.
Whether you are SAHM OR WOHM…
You chose the route.
Period.
Whether or not there was some martyr-ish behavior involved, it doesn’t matter.
For some families, there were no defined or definitive roles. For others, it was just assumed that the mom would be the one in charge of the household, whether or not she had a career.
I’m not going into all the pros and cons of SAHM vs. WOHM. Because that is so debatable. And there is no foreseeable agreeable conclusion.
SAHM and WOHM will always have a little war being raged.
Personally, I like the bit of time I get at the office. Where I have silence. No one is screaming “Mommy, wipe my tushie” or, “Mommy, he did this or that!” And I’m not wiping down kitchen counters. Or trying to herd a naked child back into the house.
WOHM resent SAHM for the time we get to spend with our children.
SAHM resent WOHM because they don’t have to spend so much time with the children.
And on. And on.
Quite frankly, I’m so sick of hearing the complaints being made.
I’m tired of hearing everything that husbands AREN’T doing.
And of all the burden of responsibility being placed upon you.
I’m sickened by the amount of disrespect SAHM’s receive.
And the judgments being made on the WOHM moms.
It’s so annoying.
Get over it.
Go to work.
Be a parent.
Tell your husband to get off his lazy ass and help.
Quit your job and become a full time mom if you can.
Hire a live in nanny…an au pair.
Run away from home.
But seriously…
stop your complaining.
And your finger pointing.
Because MY JOB as a stay at home mom…
Is fucking hard.
I’m up to my eyeballs in laundry.
I have 5 kids that make a mess behind me as I’m cleaning.
We’re barely making ends meet.
My husband is sort of lazy too. He’s cute though.
I can’t go into the bathroom without an audience or someone breaking down the door due to anxiety.
I don’t watch soaps because there is so much drama in my house, at all times, that I don’t have the patience to watch it on television.
BUT…
This is what I CHOSE.
I wanted to be a stay at home mom.
I wanted to raise my children.
And YOU…
CHOSE to go to college.
To get a degree in your chosen field.
AND…
You CHOSE to work AND have kids.
So stop your bitching.
And just deal.
Because your life isn’t any harder than mine.
You just complain a LOT louder.
Now, just everyone get along.
Because we ALL have children to raise.
And let’s raise them the best we can in this really fucked up world.
OK?
THANKS!
Excellent post! I think, bottom line is this: what works for one family may not work for another… But is it really necessary to slam each other/say one is better than the other? SAHMs should get more credit, but WAHMs deserve some of that credit too.
Says the girl with no children HAH!
yeah, I wouldn’t say any of the above to her OUT LOUD, because I did, years ago, and now my sibs and I don’t talk. Or maybe that’s OK?
Amen. I am so over the whole SAHM/WOHM debate because quite frankly, it will never end. We all choose our choices, and moaning about it will never do anything but make the debate continue.
Somewhere in the fog of Codeine that comment made sense.
Um, ouch.
I agree, it’s all about the choices we make.
In addition:
“Tell your husband to get off his lazy ass and help.”
That’s it right there. If you let your husband (or wife, let’s be honest, it can go both ways) get away with not helping (or you nag him until he doesn’t help, just to spite you), then it’s your own fault. I consider myself to be VERY, VERY lucky because I have a husband who actively does household stuff (including cooking; we share that almost equally!); we have been a team from day one regardless of our work statuses, which have varied for both of us since we’ve been married. The household stuff has remained constant…thank goodness.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. No really, I couldn’t have. I’ve tried. I’ve been both, SAHM and WOHM. I’d rather be a full time SAHM, but that’s not in the cards right now. The disrespect I received as a SAHM used to leave me breathless. I got tired of explaining that I didn’t sit at home and eat bon-bons and let the children run free. So I stopped. I also gained respect for women who have to do both. I’ll only whine and complain to very good friends and that’s only in a joking manner. In reality, I like my life and my choices. And mostly, they are my choices.
Great Post! I have always been a SAHM. I have friends that are WOHM. I get really tired of being made to feel like I do nothing because I don’t have a job that pays. Like all I do is sleep in and read all day. This works for us.
The problem now is that society has evolved to a point where dual incomes are almost required. While I think truly most women would rather be a SAHM, necessity dictates they must work so they do. I disagree that its always a choice made freely.
I’m not going to give my opinion and start a war, but I will say that I too have been on both sides. They both have their good and bad points and I wrote a post before about being happy with what you have….it’s here if you are interested in reading. http://taylorandcallee.blogspot.com/2008/06/be-happy-with-what-you-have.html
hey…be nice to my kimmie! after all… my husband did go on a date with her!
http://loriments.blogspot.com/2009/07/someone-elses-trash-my-treasure.html
you nailed it when you said it is a choice. the problem is that we are not always happy with our own choices. so we point the finger at someone else. well, i’m no longer blaming my employer for thinking highly enough to keep me on in this tough economy. nor am i no longer blaming my husband for not making more money so that i could stay home AND keep our lifestyle. no, i’m not blaming myself for craving the lifestyle i live and not being able to give it up enough to stay home with my kid. all moms work. where and what is up to you. starting right now, i’m choosing to be happy with my life working outside of the home because that makes me a better parent.
wohm’s always disagree that STAYING AT HOME OR WORKING is a choice. It’s always a neccessity for them that they work and always a choice that we (sahm’s) get to stay home! Sometimes staying at home is referred to as a luxury. Obviously they are both choices but wohm’s like to dodge personal responsibility on this- blaming society and it’s rising costs AS IF the need to “keep up with the joneses” is an implied given- and not a personal reflection of THEIR own (selfish) values??! Live in a smaller house. Lots of moms actually feel strongly about raising their own kids and MAKE SACRIFICES to do it.
This is where wohm’s and sahm’s are vastly different. Wohm’s actually want people to feel sorry for them..even though they are deliberately making a choice that doesn’t require them to sacrifice anything they don’t consider a “luxury”.
PS. I am a happy sahm with a 2yr old, and an 8mos old- my husband makes a very nice living..and I do not need a nanny or housekeeper I enjoy what I do 🙂