I dreaded coming home from Blogher. I’ll admit it.
I was done with the wonderful over-stimulation.
I was exhausted from the partying.
I really wanted to be home. To go home.
I wanted to be excited. But I couldn’t.
Not because I didn’t miss my kids. I missed them something fierce.
I even missed my husband, despite some tension before I left.
I didn’t have any guilt about being away from my family. Which surprised me because I had never been away from them for longer than a few hours. Not ever.
I dreaded coming home though.
Because I thought it was going to be worse than what waits for me when I go out for typical GNO type evening.
I had no doubt in my mind that my house would be trashed. The kitchen sink would be overflowing and smelling. The laundry room would be piled with dirty clothes. The washer would have a mildew smelling load, sitting and brewing inside its drum. The dryer, a wrinkled mess that was beyond help. The kids would be grungy and musty and exhausted from no one enforcing bath and bedtime. And I was sure I was going to arrive home to my husband being a schmuck.
I was sure the conditions I would be greeted with would be less than favorable. Because my husband passive-aggressively punishes me. Although if you ask him, he’d say I was being paranoid. I’m not paranoid. Just ask my shrink!
The whole 4 1/2 hour car ride home I had a deep sense of impending doom.
I arrived home at around 4pm.
No one came running out to greet me. So I was sure my deepest suspicions were right.
I grabbed my lightest bags.
I opened my unlocked front door.
I sang out “hello, I’m home!”
I looked around.
I found, to my shock…
My house neat.
The laundry completely caught up and put away.
Nothing in the sink.
The only child that was home at the moment was freshly washed and smelling delish.
My husband kissed me and bounced out the front door to claim the rest of my load from the car.
I sat down next to my son.
I looked over at my husband who joined us on the couch.
And we linked fingers.
It was good. I felt light.
I realized that I don’t have to ever dread coming home again.
Because it’s fine. It will always be fine.