It was a beautiful, mid-summers day in the kingdom. The sky was filled with little puffy clouds, the birds were singing their “let’s meet up for lunch and eat worms” songs, there was a gentle…
OK, who the heck cares about the weather in the kingdom, right?! So, it was a pretty day! Big flipping deal.
On this pretty day, despite the puffy birds, singing in the clouds for lunch…
The Queen needed to take her darling Princesses shopping. They were going to Pretty, Pretty Princess camp for a month. And they needed some more pretty, pretty things to take with them. Because there is serious, fierce, pretty princess competition at the Pretty, Pretty Princess camp. Not that there is anyone as pretty, pretty as the Queens Princesses but, she still wanted to take them to buy the necessary objects. The Queen wants her Princesses to feel no sense of insecurities that they aren’t as special as Princesses from more prosperous kingdoms!
The Queen can’t be called anything but kind and compassionate. OK, fine. It can sometimes be pointed out that she is a slight bitch but, that’s not the point.
The point is, on this beautiful, mid summer day, the Queen took a deep breath and invited the serf mother to join her and the lovelies on their shopping escapade. Which would include a dining feast at the Royal Greek Joint along with Ye Olde Royal Targette.
The serf mother accepted, with much gratitude. She informed the Queen that she had to de-feminine funkize herself. But she would get to the Palace as fast as her feet could carry her. Bringing with her some serf salary to help in the shopping expenses.
An hour later…
The Queen had gussied herself up. When the Queen is going out to walk amongst her subjects, she must look and smell royally…well, yummy. OK, fine. She just needs to throw on clothes that she didn’t sleep in. And she needs to brush her teeth to remove the film of morning breath and coffee. And she needs to clean her face from the make up of the day before.
The Princesses made themselves presentable. They were brimming over with the excitement of heading to the marketplace. They were bouncing and bubbling as the were discussing expectations of the days ahead at the Pretty, Pretty Princess Camp.
The Queen and her Princesses only were ready for a moment when the serf mother arrived. Looking a little confused. And sad.
She confessed to me that, upon her arrival at the Palace Gate her son The PITA Prince demanded from her that she spend the day with him. He cried and whined to get his way. And he won.
The serf mother left the Kingdom, her Prince in tow, and went to the cash machine for serfs (because only Kingdoms have money trees). Which she came back and handed the Queen money. And she drove away with PITA Prince…
Missing out on a day with the girls. The last chance to spend time. ALONE. With the girlies. With HER girlie. Before they both headed off to Pretty, Pretty Princess Camp.
The serf mother couldn’t tell the PITA Prince that she’d be back for him after we were done.
Instead. She once again…chose the wrong path.
And while the Princess seems altogether together, which is amazing. She still is somewhat questioning why her mother always makes the type of choices she does.
The Queen, on the other hand. Was so disgusted. And all she could do was…SIGH.
The Pretty Princesses. Looked at each other. One shrugged. The other one shrugged. Because, they told me, they had something way more important to discuss with me…
Something far more important than the serf mother missing a girls day out.
Something far more important than the PITA Prince needing much more help than he is getting.
No, they had a much more pressing matter at hand.
And they needed to discuss this while they took their midday meal.
Apparently, there is some spying going on in the Kingdom.
It seems that, in the middle of the night.
When everyone but the Queen and her King are supposedly and SHOULD BE asleep.
After the Queen had CLOSED AND LOCKED the doors to the mecca of love.
And the Queen and her King were very, very conscious and cautious over the volume of their late night play date…
Little ears were pinned to the door.
To the oblivious, SILENT, royal copulating couple.
And the Pretty Princesses. Over a luncheon of Greek Salads, and grilled cheese sandwiches…
Told the Queen what they are sure they had “overheard”.
“All the way in their rooms” snicker, giggle, chortle.
The Queen, after she had choked on her chicken, explained to her daughters, a completely made up stroy, that what the Snoopy Sisters had heard was merely the television show that the Queen and her King were watching.
The Snickering Sisters exchanged a look that screamed conspiracy.
They asked, through massive giggles, why was it then that the chamber doors were locked.
And the Queen, as she silently sipped her diet Coke, avoiding all eye contact with her daughters, thought to herself…
Three and a half weeks.
They’ll be gone for THREE and A HALF weeks.
She and her King are going to need to take advantage of those 24 days.
Because after that, apparently abstinence will have to be practiced.
Until the Snoopy, Snicker, SpySisters move out of the Palace. For good.
And the Queen…
silently finished her Greek Salad.