“It’s just not normal!”
“It’s very unconventional!”
“That’s just flat-out fucking weird!”
Are some of the responses I receive when I let people know that my youngest daughter went with her step-siblings and their Mom. Sometimes for the day. Sometimes overnight. She loves being with them. They love being with her. To her, it’s more entertaining to hang with them than to sit at her real dads crusty apartment. And it’s more interesting than being stuck at home with her obnoxious little brother.
Who’s to judge? Really?
Who’s to say what’s normal? Or conventional? Or weird?
Good for us, we embrace our eccentricities.
It is. What it is.
And I think our children are all the better from it.
“How can you allow that?”
“How can you let her go with them?”
“What the FUCK is wrong with you?”
I allow it because it makes my children feel a complete sense of family. Especially when extended family dynamics aren’t optimal to begin with. To my children, my husbands ex-wife is like having a wonderful aunt. She treats them with love and respect. And I know that she isn’t going to let anything happen to my children. Just like she knows and expects the same from me with her children.
OK, so maybe it’s not what would be considered normal. Or conventional.
But to us, it’s not fucking weird.
And there is nothing wrong with me for allowing this.
My children. All 5 of them. Don’t know any different.
To my children from a blended family, it’s not normal.
It’s certainly not conventional.
AND most assuredly, it’s fucking weird, to not get along with all the ex-spouses. Or hang with them for a day or overnight.
And to my children, from a blended family…WE are the way it’s supposed to be. And the way it really should be.
Everyone finding a way to get along.
Everyone finding their place in this family.
For the kids.
Always. It’s for the children.
To know that it’s OK. That they can love everyone.
Biological, step. It doesn’t matter.
With no one ever holding it against them.
That is why we do what we do.
And THAT…is. What it is.
PS…How do you like my pretty new look. Nap Warden did a great job. And she cleaned up my sides, too!! I may go back to my other template after Blogher. But for now, I’m enjoying my new found maturity!! Thank you Nap Warden! I owe you a couple of drinks, eh?? XOXO
I think it is great that all of your children have that many more people to love and care for them…they are a lucky bunch. As for the new look….LOVE LOVE LOVE!
If she is trustworthy, why not? I don’t see the big deal. It probably wouldn’t work in a lot of situations, but if it works in yours there is no harm done. Ignore the nay-sayers.
Love the new look!
That is an excellent attitude, and your children, all of them, will be the better for it. I also know that if you didn’t think it was safe for any of them, you wouldn’t let them go anywhere with anyone.
People make me laugh. Why don’t they instead ask you how you came to such a sane place in life where allowing your children to flourish in an extended family filled with love? Do they even bother to stop and think about what words are coming out of their mouths? I always think that these naysayers protest because it’s going against their sensibilities, and if they say you’re “right”, then they’d have to admit that their judgmental ideas are wrong.
And most people don’t care to admit when they’re wrong.
I come from a blended family. We didn’t blend so well. How sad. I envy your daughter her loving blended, extended family. The more to love and for her to love. That’s what’s it’s all about. Your attitude is refreshing.
I don’t think it is weird at all! Good for you all for putting the kids first. I think the more people who love a child the better off the child is!
I have a GIANT blended family.
Before my dad moved west my step sister would accompany my younger sister for weekends quite a bit. And my mom definitely took my step brother over night on many occasions including my dad and step mom’s honeymoon. I do believe she also went with my sister a few times to Cali after my dad moved.
So that is normal to me.
Heck, my foster sisters (who are biologically my cousins) attend Summer camp with MY kids.
I think blended families just learn to find what works best.
I don’t understand what everyone is freaking out about? Cause I think it is GREAT that your daughter is surrounded by so many people who love her and want to be around her!! And truly, isn’t that what we all as parents would want for our kids? I think so.
p.s. Great layout!!! Yay Nap Warden!!
been here, live that.
my daughter went with her stepsister to her mom’s five years ago. why? because stepsister was having a tough time for various reasons and wanted the company.
did i think it was odd? a little. did i think it was freaky weird? nah. they had a blast together.
that’s what counts.
This is beautiful! So many families are split because of divorce, but you have found the right way to keep them all together. It should always be about the children. They know how to love unconditionally.
Love the new look!
New blog design! NICE.
I think it’s great because good family is hard to come by now-a-days and if it’s something your kids enjoy, WHY NOT?!
Good for you!
The one kind of people you should never listen to is the one that’s always judging other people. Drives me insane!
I think it’s fantastic…
from one blended/blending family to another.
no entrecard?
My step sister and I were best friends. My step mom would let my Mom take her with us camping etc. So it’s not weird it’s really cool!!!!!
What is wrong with people?! Them, not you. Obviously, everyone who it involves doesn’t have a problem with it, so why should anyone else?
I’m late to the party on this one but I have to say I think this is wonderful!
I don’t think it’s weird, just unusual that the adults get along well enough for that! And there’s certainly nothing wrong with it. My husband’s ex has offered to watch my kids and although I won’t let her (for good reasons), my kids would’ve happily went. My stepson would happily go with my kids to their dad’s too but that would SO never happen. LOL
I am insanely jealous that your spouses ex is a normal person whom you could trust your, and their kids with – we have no such luck.. my ex wife, as i refer to her, because dammit i inherited her, too – is a nut job! good for you that you guys have it worked out..
I don’t think that’s weird at all… I actually think it’s very mature, and civilized. It’s the best attitude for the kids, and I think will serve them well as they get older. Who cares about the titles, the roles… the important thing is that they’re people, they’re family, and you all get along (for better or worse).
Yes, I said mature and civilized on your blog Mel…but I know that you’re wild and crazy fun too LOL!
The only thing wrong is that ignorant people can ask those completely stupid, rude, and totally none-of-their-business questions. i think it’s great that your daughter likes her siblings’ mother.
I am thankful I drifted upon this post today. While I know it’s almost a year old, it gave me some solace in my own situation. My daughter loves going to stay with her step sister and her mom (my significant other’s ex-wife)I know she is treated with love and kindness there, but I always catch slack from certain family members and friends. Thank you for this post!