To My Lovely Children:
After standing in your rooms, admiring your decorating skillz, I have some words for you.
Messy is NOT the new home decorating black.
See those piles under your bed, behind your doors, in your closets, shoved in corners?
See these garbage bags I have. Nice, big, sturdy ones. Ones that flex. And have nice drawstrings.
Yeah.
If those piles don’t disappear, and by disappear I mean…disappear. Not shoved further under your bed, further into your closet…covered by blankets and stuffed animals AND robes, shoved into an opposite corner…
Those piles.
Will meet these beautiful, flexible, drawstring bags.
Which, in turn, will be put on the front porch after a phone call to Purple Heart.
Where your things.
That you HAD to have.
Will go to children who NEED to have.
And those things that you HAD to have, that you don’t appreciate…
Will be GREATLY appreciated by these children.
So…
Heed this warning, my lovelies.
Because I am getting sick and tired of your messes.
I’m getting disgusted at your lack of appreciation for the things you have and your cavalier attitude when you lose them…somewhere in one of your many piles.
If this stuff isn’t picked up by Sunday.
These bags are crying from hunger…
it’s feed me Hefty.
Love,
Mommy
Will you CC my kids on this one? (Though I’m holding big black contractor bags.)
I’ve done this. After I’ve asked for it to get picked up five times and it’s not done…it goes in the trash.
Oooh…
You’ve made me blink. Maybe I should take a look at my piles.
Please, if you do it, let us know how it works out. I followed through on a major threat last week, to leave my son at home if he didn’t stop yelling at me. I couldn’t believe my courage… or foolishness. Still not sure exactly which it was, or if it made its permanent intended impact.
I love trash threatening. My son wraps both arms around my legs and pleads, “NOOO Mom, not my stuff! PLEEEAAASSSEEE!” In the most pathetic whine, I say, “You got FIVE minutes” He even goes so far to make his bed. LOVE IT!
Hmm, my kids will ALL be gone next week…I’m getting EVIL ideas involvoing messy rooms and Hefty bags.
LOL! That is a wonderful open letter we can all print and hand to our children. Goodness… the stuff they collect and clutter their rooms with!
Visiting from SITs – you posted above me!
feed me Hefty, that is HILARIOUS.
Oh how I can relate. Although out of my three children only ONE would understand it and she – well she would just tilt her head and giggle at me until I proved to be serious and tossed out everything – THEN and only THEN would she get my seriousness and the poor little girl would all of a sudden feel all those items she really hadn’t touched in FOREVER were her “Favorites” oh it’s a battle!
I love this post – it’s fantastic!! BTW first time to your blog today and hope to come back more often!
I have had the same monologue with my sons! It’s amazing what they stuff under their beds! It’s true–every item dribbled around the house, under the cushions, on the floor of the van–each one is a must-keep favorite!
I so enjoyed reading your post! Have a great day!