To My Lovely Children:
After standing in your rooms, admiring your decorating skillz, I have some words for you.
Messy is NOT the new home decorating black.
See those piles under your bed, behind your doors, in your closets, shoved in corners?
See these garbage bags I have. Nice, big, sturdy ones. Ones that flex. And have nice drawstrings.
If those piles don’t disappear, and by disappear I mean…disappear. Not shoved further under your bed, further into your closet…covered by blankets and stuffed animals AND robes, shoved into an opposite corner…
Will meet these beautiful, flexible, drawstring bags.
Which, in turn, will be put on the front porch after a phone call to Purple Heart.
Where your things.
That you HAD to have.
Will go to children who NEED to have.
And those things that you HAD to have, that you don’t appreciate…
Will be GREATLY appreciated by these children.
Heed this warning, my lovelies.
Because I am getting sick and tired of your messes.
I’m getting disgusted at your lack of appreciation for the things you have and your cavalier attitude when you lose them…somewhere in one of your many piles.
If this stuff isn’t picked up by Sunday.
These bags are crying from hunger…
it’s feed me Hefty.