I’ve written about it numerous times. I’m not ashamed to admit here or anywhere.
My husband and I are lucky enough to have a very wonderful and active sex life. It’s what keeps us connected at the end of a long day. Let’s be real, you can only have so much conversation. Although, we have plenty of that too.
Generally, we wait to make sure our children are asleep before we have our little play date. There have been a few times where the kids have awakened for various reasons and have found us in the midst of some uncompromising positions. Fortuitously for us, they were too young and half asleep to realize with Mommy was doing with Daddy.
But now. Our children are at a VERY aware age. They are also at an age where bedtime is half past never. And some things can’t wait forever…if you catch my drift.
Last night. After midnight. When we let it all hang out.
I SWEAR I shut my door.
Apparently it wasn’t completely shut.
We were a little…noisy.
BUT…like I said. I thought my door was shut.
And it’s after midnight. When most kids are asleep. Plus, we checked on ours. Apparently, one of them must have been playing dead because…
Next to my husbands side of the bed.
On top of the condom wrapper. Which didn’t get thrown out last night.
Was a little note, directing us to read the note on the kitchen table.
Uh oh. Immediately I knew something was up. After all, this first clue was DIRECTLY on top of some very blatant evidence.
I went to where I was directed and found another note that read:
Dear Mom and Dad,
The next time you have sex, please remember that our room is down the hall.
We can hear you. And by the way, we feel really sorry for J. Because his room is across from yours.
First of all…
What was this kid doing? Spying on us? Because the door…was shut. Ok. Fine. Maybe not completely. But still.
Second of all…
When the heck did she come sneaking into our room to put that note? And no wonder she sleeps until 1pm. The kid doesn’t sleep at night. She’s too busy skulking around the house.
To my relief, my younger daughter didn’t say a word this morning. Which meant…she heard nothing. And neither did J. So I’m guessing it was just my oldest daughter.
So, I decided I’m not going to be embarrassed by this situation. Because at first, this morning, I was.
But I’m not sure EXACTLY how to handle it, aside from being completely honest and letting her know that parents are allowed to have sex without worrying that their children are spying on them.
I’m also going to let her know, because of how aware she is, that the only people who can have sex in this house…are the parents!
Advice my friends? Because I’m stuck. How would you handle this with your own children?
I think the talk is in order. Or at least some form of the talk. It’s really all you can do I think to try and make her not so uncomfortable as I’m sure it was for her too. My girls are still a bit young but we have utilized the locks in our doors. I think you are handling it well and should continue down your path.
I would most definitely have a talk with them. And I soo agree with your approach, that YOU and your husband are the ONLY ones to have sex in this house. Or at all, period. But since they aren’t embarassed to even write you the note, then you too should not feel embarassed either. It’s what people do. End of story. So by you openly talking with them about it, they will continue to have an open relationship with you about it. So that’s all good. In my opinion. Of course my kids are 3 (almost) and 4, so I can’t say how I’d handle things. But I like to think it’s along those same lines. Open and honest. That way they can respect it, and see you aren’t ashamed, proud even. So what? They can get over it. They can just be happy that their parents still love each other. Hope that was somewhat helpful. 🙂 but just to let you know, I had a good laugh when I read your post. I think the one who wrote the note, prob came in after you guys fell asleep. 🙂
Explain to her that you are sorry if you disturbed her. Then go on about why she should always knock and that in the privacy of your bedroom at midnight, or anytime for that matter, that Mom and Dad are allowed to be private and undisturbed.
BTW, I’m laughing my ass off because it happened to you and not me.
I definitely think that you should turn the tables just a wee bit and make the talk about HER, as in, “I am really happy that you felt comfortable enough to write that note to us. In the future we will be more careful, but in the meantime, do you have any questions about anything?”
This is a great teaching opportunity, even though it was a surprise.
AND, GET A LOCK.
Just wait til you have older teens. That’s all I’m sayin’. It gets more difficult to keep romance alive after dark. 🙂
And one more thing? I agree w/ WM: start a policy about your bedroom. In our house, the boys are NEVER allowed in our room without knocking and getting permission first. EVER. (Even to watch our tv.) EVER.
managed chaos says
So glad it’s not me yet (although I’m sure it’ll be coming soon enough). Perhaps after your honest talk with her, it might give her a little more incentive to go to bed earlier ;o)
I am waiting for that day to happen…
But it is nice we have healthy active relationships with our hubbies…
Secret Agent Mama says
WM and Melisa said all I would/could say!
Im BeingHeldHostage says
You want advice? From the woman who would pull the covers over her head and never come out again? Or about the woman who wanted to curl up and die when #1 son recently informed me–her that he had walked in on two different occasions?
Yea, good luck with this, let me know how it turns out 🙂
ok– go with Melissa’s idea, she’s a very smart momma!
She who knows says
There”s always the car, or the basement.
hmmm, next time hand some earplugs on their door the night you decide to get it on!
Sounds like you already have some great advice so I’m just going to relate my sympathies. I’m dreading the day that this could happen in my house…..
I think the fact that she felt comfortable enough to leave you a note was a great testament to you being on the right track. I’m a firm believer sex shouldn’t be a mysterious, forbidden thing. If it were me I’d tell her that you’re sorry you woke her, and then turn the talk around to be more about her. Melissa and WM gave great suggestions on that. 🙂
And? Yeah, I’m laughing too. This is just priceless.
That’s such a tough one! Luckily never happened here. I do try and solve everything with honesty but enough information, not an overload. Suppose that might not work with teenagers.
As awkward as my kids finding out (by walking into my room at 4am) that mommy’s friend who is a boy sleeps over.
Oh, I’m laughing! I’m laughing! I’m also jealous (of the sex, not the kids finding you) but I’m laughing! As for advice…sounds like she’s kinda got her head screwed (hehehe) on straight there.
And yeah, a lock. And maybe some soundproofing for the walls.
The most embarassing time for me was when I was about 7.5 months preggers with my second, we hadn’t had sex in FOREVER and suddenly, miraculously, were horny at the same time. Which was around 4 in the afternoon. So we made it as far as the landing on the stairs–our 1.5 year old was playing downstairs and we didn’t want to go too far away–and were trying to be vewwy vewwy quiet when all of the sudden we heard “Mama? Daddy?” and turned to see him standing at the foot of the stairs. With a VERY confused look on his face.
Ah, good times.
I think everyone has valid responses and I couldn’t have said it any better. Your kids are lucky that you talk to them about it, that you’re open. My mom would have never talked to me about it, or even been open to begin with.
That being said, take that opportunity and run with it!
Good luck! HAH!
Sarah Songing says
What a great post! So hilarious. Thanks for being open and honest enough to share- despite your husband’s objections. LOL
As for advice? I think you’ve gotten enough from all these other smart mommies. Just wanted to comment and let you know how much I enjoyed reading it.
Karen MEG says
Okay, I’m just cracking up here, sorry, before I even venture to give you assvice, your daughter is a riot! I think you should invest in some ear plugs for your kids ;).
But seriously, yeah, I think it’s time for a talk; if she’s old enough to be writing you notes and giving a bit of attitude, she’s old enough to deal with boundaries and, uh, whatever you said… I think that’s a perfect segue into the whole subject.
Now that we finally got our bedroom back, perhaps we’ll have similar troubles at some point. We should be so lucky ;).
Now that I’ve finished cracking up…
I think you’ve given the right advice to yourself – it happens, tell her to stick a pillow over her head next time it gets to her. And yeah, get that no sex under my roof rule firmly established before she’s even considering it.
Next time though, you might want to try being a bit quieter! lol
So I dread this exact scenario one day happening, but I think you handled it very well. I cannot believe she wasn’t too embarassed to write that note. I know I would’ve been
First of all, I had to pick myself off the floor from laughing so hard from this one.
Okay, BRAVO to your daughter who trusted you enough to discuss the subject of sex even it only involved you and the better half. You have taught her well, so I wouldn’t be embarrassed about that part. I would just be concerned about how loud I was yelling when she decided she needed to send a little note my way to pipe it down at night.
As far as the rest – you’ll either have to write a note and stick it on the backside of your bedroom door to remind you to lock it each night just “in case”.
I like the back-atcha approach, perhaps a note on your CLOSED door reading something like this:
As you have suggested that dad and I should keep our sex lives to ourselves, you might not want to open this door any time soon.
Crystal @ Simply Being Mommy says
OMGosh! I’m not sure what I would do. My children are all 6 and under so I’m not sure they would understand, but we always lock the door because I’m super nervous about stuff like that.
I like your approach though!
Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos says
LMFAO!!! This is hilarious!!!!
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OMG! I wish I’d read this last year! I experienced the same thing year! (in all fairness, I did explain in reasonable way that sex wasn’t bad, etc. And we switched the den with 10’s room. Now, she rolls a towel up at the bottom of her bedroom door.)
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