Before I begin, I want to say that this post is not directed at anyone in particular. It really is just a delayed response to a tweet that I read from a couple of weeks ago. One which really annoyed me. But I let it marinate, figuring after a while, I would forget about it. And I didn’t. So, it’s done marinating. It’s time to hit the coals.
I’m not a social climber. Never have been. Not in real life, or in the blogosphere. Yet, I watch it happening. In both parts of my world. Climbing to get ahead. It’s a part of life. One that has always repulsed and disgusted me. People become friends with people to get ahead. Bloggers attaching themselves to bloggers, so they can try to get ahead. It’s part of the whole Lemming phenomenon that I’m so against.
I saw a tweet a few weeks ago. It read something along the lines of a warning, letting us little bloggers know that the bigger bloggers can smell us out when we try to social climb. It was such a bitchy, arrogant tweet. I actually had responded and then deleted it. Because I wasn’t going little myself to someone who thought herself to be a better than. Besides, that tweet wasn’t @ me. And my response was so nasty. I didn’t ever want people to think of me the same way I think of that woman who posted that tweet. Simple enough.
I’ve never been part of a gaggle. I’ve always had a few very close and dear friends. That’s how I roll with my blog friends too. Mwah…love you! But, I have the capacity for more friendships. I’m not cliquey. Why not have horizons that are expanding and expansive. Room for everyone. Plenty of good karma, comments and tweets. I’m all about sharing my silliness. And love hearing yours.
If I respond to a tweet. Or if I leave a comment on a blog. It’s not because I am trying to get ahead, in any way. If I’m going to get ahead, it’s going to be all me and my shit, baby. Not because I’m leaving comments with the so called, right people. Quite frankly, I barely even know who the right people are, anyway. I live in a box. What can I say. I’m self-involved like that. Listen, I have 5 kids and tons of laundry. It’s hard enough keeping the names of the kids that live with me straight. How the heck am I supposed to know which bloggers ego I’m supposed to be stroking.
I’m so sick of responding to tweets that touch me in some way, whether it be funny or emotional. To people who are allegedly, following me. To get no response.
That’s fine. You don’t need to answer. We don’t have to be friends. I was just trying to comment or give support or…whatever. I wasn’t back@chyaing you to step on your head to get to the next big thang. That’s not me. Rest assured. But just know, it’s optional. We are not obligated to follow each other.
You may not like, or agree with, or find me to be humorous. I’m plenty OK with that. But don’t ever. EVER. Think that I’m using my 140 characters on the ubiquitous and proverbial you, to gain popularity.
Quite frankly, this homie don’t play that way.
I’m too busy trying to walk a straight line without tripping and spraining my ankles. I shudder at the thought of climbing a ladder.
some people or dare i say some bloggers would unfortunately never grow out of their immature 16 year old, popularity-basker mean girl, “look at me, i’m Miss Prom Queen” body…sad but very true.
OMG what is with these types of posts lately??? “Someone did something to someone and I know but I’m not saying who.” Seems to be a rash of them lately.
You know your tweets totally rock my world, but you are killing me with the teasing! 🙂
It’s not you, it’s me..I’m nosey that way.
Me and sister are talking about this same exact thing right now. Sigh. How about all of us losers go to loser island, have drinks, no kids and socialize amongst our losers selves!!!!!! Because quite frankly I love you to pieces and would rather have you following me on twitter than anyone else!!!!! (well not anyone cause I do have a few select people I love but you the most!)
I love your honest writing. It does seem that many are just using this social media world to advance themselves and their own popularity. But it seems they’re really missing the key element: “SOCIAL”. I love building new friendships and try not to be offended when my tweets go unnoticed by the big fishes.
I couldn’t agree with you more and unfortunately that just seems to be the way of the blogosphere. People can just be down right mean.
I surround myself with people I enjoy and if they are not “big” bloggers…Oh well!
It is kind of sad that grown people sound more like middle school kids sometimes. I have noticed the “mean girl” sydrome a bit more myself lately, too.
I don’t know why, and personally, I just click somewhere else when I see it.
I just want to blog for myself & anyone who will read about my “very exciting” life of a lunch lady…lol. I do it for fun & I guess to get things off my chest sometimes. I don’t care if you are a “big” blogger or someone like me who has a couple of readers, I like you for who you are & not how many people follow you. I’d rather be close to a few as I can barely keep up with what I do already.
Love your blog, my Michigan sister.
I remember reading a whole lot of posts after the last BlogHer about people being offended in some way by the big time bloggers. I have no idea who the big time bloggers even are. And even if I did, I don’t have time to read them!
personally, i think bigtime bloggers are legends in their own minds.
i’d rather hang with an in-crowd that includes you and the other actual FRIENDS i have made in the blog world.
brava and well-said.
I read this last night, but I didn’t have time to comment, so I wanted to make sure I came back and commented today.
Personally, I’ve never understood why blogging/twitter is like this but lets be honest: It’s like it EVERYWHERE YOU GO. There is a clique at school, there is a clique at work, there is a clique at clubs, at social outings, there are cliques inside of cliques, there are cliques inside of cliques inside of cliques. It’s ridiculous, but it’s true. And even those who say they aren’t apart of them, are. We are all apart of cliques– We all have our favorite people who we “hang with”, or stick around. Being apart of a clique doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
The bad thing is when you let being a part of a clique consume you, and when you let being a clique mean it’s all about YOUR clique and it’s about who can be apart of your clique. Then it becomes a little too 2002 (aka high school) for me, and I say buh bye.
🙂
That being said, I like my “clique” and I’m always open to new peeps 🙂
Good post, I loved it.
I would pick you for my Red Rover team any day! Never have understood the hierarchy of Blogdom. Seriously, what are we talking about here? We’re not in high school anymore, we all started at the same place.
Well said…you ROCK.
I hate any kind of “cliquishness” be it in real life or blogging and unfortunately blogging seems to be very in and out crowd lately or you do this so you must suck and not be a reputable blogger or you do this and you must just be doing it to get ahead blah blah blah.
Can’t we just enjoy blogging and carry on? Frankly I have so much shit going on with work/home/life I can’t keep up with the “to dos!” I just try to be genuine.
Crap! So, I should stop sending Dooce those witty little Tweets b/c it’s annoying and desperate? Check! Actually, I never really thought of contacting the “celebrities” like this b/c I figured none of them would notice or respond anyway. Plus, when I do go to some of their sites and think of a decent comment to leave, I usually wind up erasing it b/c I feel all stupid and anxious. I really don’t want a bunch of celebrity bloggers sitting around talkiing about me and my unfunny comments. I’m pretty paranoid like that. Guess that’s why I’m still a lowly-wanna-be-bad-blogger who gets all happy when awesome people like rockdrool respond to my tweets:)
I’ve been behind the scenes of a few “big” social media climbs in the last few years. I know how to accomplish it, I’m positive I could do it in a heartbeat if I wanted to.
But I don’t want to. For the same reason I cringed anytime my name showed up within those other things. (I swear to you I’m shy.)
And honestly, after watching it, living it, and listening to someone gripe about it I can tell you, the meaner they get at the so called “top”, they will fall, hard and fast.
I {[Heart}} you. This was great.
I really don’t understand the point of social climbing … esp not in the virtual world. It’s to the point where I follow less than 20 people, so that I can actually respond when they say something! And if I’m following you, or responding to you, it’s because I connected to what you said. Not going to respond unless it’s real.
Honestly, the whole fight over who is better than who seems like a huge waste of energy … and that, my friend, is something that I don’t have to waste. So I read the people I like to read. I comment when I want to comment, and I don’t obsess over whether or not someone big likes my blog. B/c frankly, I like my blog and that is good enough.
I may follow some of these ‘elite’ bloggers, but I don’t bother trying to interact with them these days – they don’t want to know. That’s fine – I just don’t pay them too much attention. I have much more fun hanging around twitter with good virtual friends anyway – at least I know they care.
I love love love this post.
AMEN!
I love this post. I was recently accused of sucking up to a big blogger and I just thought DUDE, do you know how much I have going on in my life?!?
I’ve met some cool people through the blogosphere but none of it is all that important to me when it boils down to it – all the drama just seems a little silly.
That is one of the reasons I never began on Twitter. It is self serving for many, many people. First of all, who thinks so much of themselves that think their comments are phenomenal? Or the only right opinions?
Blogging is much more honest and maybe much more vulnerable.
Stay who you are. Delightful.
I LOVE THIS POST.
There are a few “big” bloggers in Twitterville who only @ other “big” bloggers. Not only does it give you the impression that you are hopelessly and perpetually left out, but it’s incredibly annoying. But then, to take it to that next level like the tweet you described? If I had seen that I would have lost. my. mind.
That said, I do want to say one thing about @-ing back (not that you asked, heh.) I don’t always @ back for a few reasons, though I always worry it makes me look like a snob…
1. I don’t @ back if the person @-ing me has said something like “LOL” or “Me, too” or whatever. I appreciate the response, I just don’t know what to say back to that.
2. I don’t @ personal stuff, or conversations that would be boring to other people. Sometimes I feel like a tweet directed toward me is better addressed in DM or email, and that’s usually where I respond.
3. I do 95% of my tweeting on my phone via text, which means I often don’t see replies until I’m back on a computer, sometimes a day or two later. @-ing at that point feels silly.
BUT – when I do get my act together enough to @, I never think about how many followers that person has or how “big” they are. I can’t think of anything more ridiculous.
Awesome post. Sorry to hijack the comments. 🙂
Oh how silly some people are. I always feel sympathy for those types of bloggers, there lives must be so lame and unfulfilled in their every day life to need this blog recognition so badly. I stopped caring a very long time ago, my writing got better, I got happier, and I have never looked back.
You really do ROCK! I would have liked to see and laugh at that “nasty” tweet.
No shit!! I actually unfollowed some of those snobby Tweeple recently. Gimme a break! I read their blogs and comment when I have something to contribute and I follow them on Twitter and they act like holier than thou… bitches. Yep.
Okay, if there was some way for me to hi-five you until our palms burned — I would! Here, freakin, here!!
I love this post!
I posted something *kinda* similar to this.
Oh.. I just love love this post!!
xoxoxo
Great and so true post, I read a lot of blogs some “big” and some small, I only comment if I feel I have something useful to say. I joined twitter because being a new mom has been very lonely and after writing an infertility blog for so long I wasn’t comfortable venting about my new status. It is hurtful that some people only feel better when they step on people. I probably overuse twitter but for me it is an outlet and one I needed very badly, I really couldn’t care who reads it although I do enjoy getting comments and responding to those people, you never know who is going to have an idea that makes your life easier. Some people will never see past the end of their own nose. Sad really.
I LOVE YOU. You just hit it right on with this one, right on. ( Although I’m so far down the totem pole, and such a pathetic twittererer, I miss most of the drama).
It does hurt, though, when you expect a response, whether it be a blog comment or tweet… and nothing is forthcoming. Ever. It’s hard to believe people who say they’re approachable while their “actions” somehow show the opposite.
I remember when I was in grade 8, my best friend and I were two peas in a pod, but she really wanted to hang out with the “cooler” kids. She wanted me to join her, but I honestly didn’t think I would fit in. I wasn’t blonde enough, cute enough and too much of a geek. So we parted ways. Life lessons at the age of 12.
I’m glad you’re my friend ;). And you’re classy not to name names here (but you’re outing them over drinks in July, ‘kay?)
So true, well said sister!
Came over here via Maria Y’s tweet. Totally enamored by this post. Will be sticking around.
Ha Ha Ha.
I was JUST THINKING that Twitter was becoming a TAD high-schoolish.
You ALL woulda been MY friends in H.S., for SURE. NOT plugging my blog at all, but you might get a kick out my own recent post (which I am about to go right to, right now, and link THIS post to, it’s so damn good): http://looknoreallylook.wordpress.com.
Personally? I can’t stand elitism. I actually AM famous: if you’re five or six. But who cares? Celebrities are…gasp… people. And they’re WEIRD. You actually don’t want to know them, trust me.
Martin Mull said it best when he said: “Hollywood is high school with money.”
I think I love you ALL.
I’m @inklesstales on Twitter. Actually, I changed my mind. After I post this, I’m going and following every one of you cool tweeps, THEN I’m linking this post to my blog.
You’re GREAT!
-elizabeth williams bushey
To me…that is just so NOT what blogging is all about. It’s about community and friendship, and writing from my heart. Not about being the coolest blogger on the block.
Oh, the drama!
I have to admit, I don’t understand why it’s shaking out like this … weren’t we all new bloggers just a couple years ago? The blogosphere was so supportive and flat then … I hate to hear things like this now.
Hang in there and enjoy interacting with the people you enjoy … that’s what it’s all about, right?
Your post laid it all out — and it was great!
I’ll never get over how ridiculous twitter can be sometimes with comments like the one you mentioned. It’s half the reason I don’t tweet as much I’d like. People are just so fucking…weird.
One of the main reasons I am hardly ever on twitter…mean girls! Also one of the main reasons I made my blog private, which btw if you ever want to read send me a note with your e-mail and I’d be happy to add you. I love you & your tweets, just am hardly ever on cuz I’m tired of knowing I’m 28 and thinking maybe I’m still in middle school with all the mean girl shit that goes on.
Great post girlfriend! I know exactly what ya mean.
WOO to the HOO !!!
Okay, so I’m late to reading this post, but just wanted to say, I loved it! I don’t get the elitism either, but figure I’ll just interact with those who interact with me and we’ll have a better time anyway!
Great post!
Just because you look down your nose at someone — doesn’t mean they’re looking up at you.
As my grandma would say: Too big for their britches.
Great post — I’ve never understood social climbing in any sense. Hollow friendships. Greatest thing is connecting with great friends or interesting people in any format.
Edit: Just because you look down your nose at someone — doesn’t mean they’re looking up to you.
this is a great post. After BlogHer, I’m officially over the “we’re so cool” crowd. I did that in high school. I actually unfollowed a lot of people recently who can’t be bothered to respond to me when I tweet something in response to them. When people start to think it’s about social climbing rather than just a genuine interest in communication, they’re not someone I want to communicate with anyway.
As I read this, at first I thought “Why worry about what people you’ve never met think or do or don’t do or post on twitter?”
And then I remembered OH YEAH, I recently got dropped simultaneously by two bloggers I thought liked me.
And it bothered me.
So I stopped thinking I was above it all and realized yeah, you’ve got a great point.
There’s a person behind the screen name. And we allllll have feelings. And the social climbing thing? Bugs. Me.
I signed up for Twitter around the same time as a lot of my blog pals, dropped it for a while, went back to it. I have under 100 followers/following and I like it that way. I see some people have over 1000 following. I just don’t understand it.
I really like your post. It’s so true. I have wondered about it myself.
I loved meeting you but I wish we could have hung out more!
As for twitter, I just have ADD, so yannow. And what Maggie said.
I also try not to @ someone back more than 2 or 3 times b/c then it’s like, uh, maybe we should just be IMming each other. LOL
I am painfully shy when it comes to interacting with most people, and would probably cry my eyes out if someone accused me of leaving a comment somewhere just to “get ahead.” But I’m relatively new to the whole blog thing, I don’t yet understand the high school politics involved in blogging and making connections, and I think I kind of prefer it that way. I didn’t play popularity games in high school and I’m certainly not up to it 15 years later. I use my blog mostly to expel random crap from my head and to work on being a better writer overall. As for twitter, I just signed up and I need a freaken manual to explain the @, #, and all the symbols.
Everyone needs to start understanding that the so-called “big bloggers” aren’t going to do ANYTHING to help other “little” bloggers get ahead. There are NO coattails to ride on unless you have something really big to give. I’ve come to accept this. If I see a tweet that interests me, I @ back — no matter who the writer is. I’m often annoyed when I don’t hear back from a “big blogger” because I WOULD NEVER. One of the things I promised myself when I started blogging in 2006 was that I would never exclude people, that I would be the “nice” blogger with a foremost goal of INCLUSIVENESS. I think the current climate of the momosphere — represented in this terrible tweet — is really sad. I give up and am about to unfollow those “big bloggers” who don’t give the little people the time of day. I ALWAYS @ people back. If I don’t, it’s because it’s unnecessary, or because I email or comment on their blog instead. ANOTHER great, honest post. Bravo! (Funny, this all has been on my mind lately!)
I keep hearing rumblings of ‘trouble & drama’ and I always miss it! Or I think my brain just avoids all that nonsense!
I always try to respond back to a comment on blogger or twitter – BUT I am at home with 3 little kids, I blog or twitter in, around, between, with kids on my lap, on my head, inside my shirt – it’s not easy and a lot of the times on the fly and very quickly!
I really don’t get the drama – I never did – even in high school – and I was a cheerleader and in homecoming court AND I was friends with EVERYONE!! And I am still that way!
LOVED this post. Loved it.
A while ago, one of the “big bloggers” wrote a post about something she was going through, and it was really sad and difficult, and she asked people to write her and tell her about their own experiences, etc. Basically, it was a plea for others to tell her that everything was going to be okay. And I totally felt her pain.
I really NEVER leave comments on the “big” sites (except the Bloggess, that one I just can’t resist), much less send emails, because I know I’ll just get lost in the din, and what’s the point? But in this case I wanted to reach out, and tell her I was going through the same thing, and say how much I related to her, and wished her the best.
She never responded.
And I was utterly hurt. I mean, I know she’s in the “big time” and I’m so… well, NOT… but it took a lot for me to write that email, to admit that I was going through it too, and this lady ASKED people to respond, and I DID — she can’t take 30 seconds to say, thanks, I’m so glad you relate, I appreciate you reading, SOMETHING? Rude, much?
And then I started thinking about it, and realized that this woman had NEVER responded to a single thing I’d ever sent her. Tweets, Facebook status comments, whatever. I hadn’t sent much, but what little I had sent had been completely ignored. I guess I just wasn’t cool enough to sit at that table in the cafeteria.
So I unfriended her, and blocked her on Twitter, and mentally gave her the finger.
And I’ve felt much better ever since. Because I’m not IN a cafeteria. I’m in my life, and blogging is just a part of that, and that woman is NOTHING to me. She really isn’t. I’m SO MUCH COOLER than she is, it’s ridiculous. At least, I am in my own mind, and that’s the only place that matters — right?
So there you have it.
The end.