Let me begin by saying, my little one HATES the camp I chose to send him to. Which is strange to me. So many of his friends from school are there. They do great things that I thought he would enjoy. It’s an awesome and well rounded camp. AND affordable. In this day and age, quite frankly, who cares if they hate it as long as we can afford it, right? What? Is that bad parenting? Whatever. It’s only for two weeks. He’ll live.
So. Last night. I asked, very sweetly, mind you…if my husband would take our little boy to camp for me. I wanted to go into work a little early so I could get done a little early. So I could work out and perhaps…clean a little before the monsters all come out of my nightmares…er…kids come home from day camp. And seeing as, my husband doesn’t have much going on until next week when summer school starts (5 days but who’s counting?), I figured it was the least he could do.
He agreed that he would.
Gee. Thanks. That’s swell of ya, big feller.
This morning. Sigh. Remember how I just told you that my 5 year old son hates this camp? He threw a tantrum. Which, quite frankly, I’m used to dealing with from him. It is the same type of tantrum he throws before I have to shove him into his car seat and take him to preschool. The kid just hates structure and being told what to do. It’s a fact of his life. But a fact that he is going to have to get over. QUICK. Because next year is kindergarten. And THAT is even MORE structure.
Anyway…back to this tantrum.
I decided to placate him the old fashioned way. Bribery. It works. EVERY TIME. Well, with him it does.
He asked if he could bring his new X-Men action figures to camp with him. And I…horror of horrors, said…Hell yeah. If it
shuts you the f..k up if you’ll go to camp without crying, of course my little snooglebottoms. You can bring your action figures. But if you lose them, I don’t want to hear about it. And when your boss at camp tells you it’s time to put them away, then you’d better listen…or else, my little lovemuffin. But he agreed. And we shook on it.
Well. This offended my husbands delicate nature. The horses ass type nature. And he null and voided the verbal agreement between us business partners. Because the HEAD partner…MOI. Is allowing anti-social behavior by bringing 3 action figures to camp. Which, by the way, he had already decided which kids he was going to SHARE with. And, I’m enabling tantrumy behavior. AND…his way is right and everyone else can bite him. Which is so wrong because, my way is always right and he can BITE ME!
I took my kid. His action figures. Various miscellaneous and unnecessary objects. Projectile missiled them into my car. Pointed my car in the right direction. And headed to camp. Showing my husband a very lovely bird on the way out.
We got to camp.
I dragged my little guy over to where his group was.
Where there were 2 kids crying. One kid in hysterics, kicking the crap out of the counselor, in front of his mother…who ended up leaving WITH her violent child.
And my son.
The one I had to bribe to keep from crying by letting him bring action figures…
After I gave him a million hugs and kisses,
Went and sat nicely.
With his cousin, who is at camp with him, and a couple of other kids.
Minding their own business. Very socially, I might add. Bamming guys together.
Still hating camp.
Not kicking counselors.
Perfectly content in the fact that he accepted this bribe.
Perfectly aware that we would repeat this whole act tomorrow.
And probably, every day for the rest of his life.
Because yeah, I think I enabled it.
But let’s keep that a little secret from my husband, shall we?!
Can I offer you some cookies, perhaps?