I’m going to be perfectly real with you. Not that I haven’t been. So nothing is different about this post. BUT…
I love summer.
I DESPISE summer break.
Way too many school breaks.
They are getting old and worn out. Tiresome.
And this summer one is around 11 or 12 weeks too long.
I know. You’re thinking, what a horrible mother.
It’s too much.
They’re all home.
With way too much togetherness.
We’re a close family but, enough already.
During summer vacation…
I can’t make and pack lunches the night before.
Instead, they expect me to jump on demand when they start whining about the growling in their tummies.
My new line this summer is going to be…and some of you may recognize this because it’s a variation on a line from a popular John Hughes movie…
Shut up bitch and go fix YOURSELF a turkey pot pie.
They are old enough.
They know how to take two pieces of bread.
They know how to grab a knife from the cutlery drawer.
They know where the peanut butter is.
We have NO nut allergies in our home.
So they can take that knife. Stab it into the jar of peanut butter. Slap it on the bread. And shove it down their whining pie holes. For every meal.
I know, my mothering skills are legendary and impressive.
Oh, stop kicking yourselves. You can be like me, too. Copying is the highest form of flattery.
Laundry is another major bone of contention. Especially during the summer months. Because, you see… we have the pool.
With the pool comes a bazillion wet towels.
With those bazillion wet towels…
That they drop haphazardly on the floor…on top of their CLEAN and FOLDED, yet still not put away clothes…
Comes a mildew smell.
Not only do those ALREADY cleaned and folded clothes have to be rewashed…
But I have a bazillion wet towels to de-blackmoldize.
And…THAT is going to change this summer too.
I’m going to teach each of them how to do laundry.
So that, when their clothes are damp and stinky due to the damp and stinky towels that they’ve carelessly left on their carelessly left clothing…
They are going to be able to call upon their own mad laundry doing skillz…
And do it themselves, yo.
Oy. vey. The messes.
A mess is like gray hairs. You clean one up. And in the span of time it took for that, three more pop up. It’s a never winning battle on a war that is only being fought by one lone renegade person…THE MOMMY.
So here is my white flag.
Especially for the summer.
And with the hubby home.
Along with the 5 kids.
They are in charge.
Let’s see how long it takes for them to realize that those messes aren’t miraculously cleaning themselves up.
Let’s see how long it takes for them to start whining and complaining about the fact that it’s too messy in the house, and they can’t find anything.
Let’s see how long it takes for them to find me. Hiding in my still very neat closet.
But really, let’s see how long it takes for me to give in and make the lunches, do the laundry and clean the house…
Wake me up when summer vacation ends.