School always bored me.
I remember sitting in class, shifting miserably in my stiff wooden chair.
I remember zoning out and staring so hard at the writing on the chalkboard that it would blur and start dancing.
I remember the teachers voices and how similar they all sounded to the adults in Charlie Brown movies.
Paying attention was quite a chore.
Staying on task was rare.
Organization was impossible.
Assignments were done, half-assed, at best.
But somehow, I fumbled my way through school.
Most classes, I passed with a C.
Sometimes better. Other times, worse.
These days, I am SURE I would have been diagnosed with A.D.D.
Those days, notsomuch.
These days, I am SURE I would have been put on medication.
Those days, very rarely did we hear of kids put on medication for A.D.D.
I slid by.
Through my school career.
Through my million years of college.
Always starting. NEVER finishing.
And now, here I am.
A “grown up”.
Diagnosed with A.D.D. by my psychologist.
And all my actions in the past suddenly made sense.
Not to justify anything. Just to clarify.
I decided, since my daughter was diagnosed with A.D.D. And since she was just put on medication for it…
I was going to try her medicine.
So I would understand how she would feel on it.
Also, just to see…
For myself, what it would do.
And for the first time, in what I think I can honestly say…
I could think straight.
I didn’t have the sound of my voice singing different 32 songs.
I wasn’t carrying on 45 different conversations in my head.
I was able to keep track of real life conversations, without asking, “What was I talking about.”
Pretty complete clarity of thought.
And I thought to myself,
with complete clarity…
I wonder what would have happened…
back in “those days”.
If someone would have noticed that the problems were not completely a lack of motivation.
And not completely a lack of application.
And perhaps, if someone would have thought that…JUST PERHAPS…
this very bright girl really and truly was having a hard time focusing.
And perhaps, this person who noticed this lack of focus…
would have prescribed some sort of medication to make this young girl…
BE ABLE to focus.
I think…very clearly because I have popped one of my daughters “focus” pills…
I would have PERHAPS, with all the motivation and application that I could muster…
That “these days”…
I would have taken over the world.
Or I would have been very focused on trying!
Well…I’m only 40.
It’s not too late.
School always bored me.