To My Darlings…
Hey. How are ya?
OK, let’s not beat around the bush. Let’s get right down to the reason for this letter.
You want to know why it is that you don’t get allowance. Hmmm…
You want to know why we think that is fair. Gee…I wonder.
You want to know how come all your friends get allowance but you don’t. Maybe they actually EARN it.
Why is it that the only money you get is from Chanukka gifts/returns and your birthday…which totals around $200/year. And you don’t even deserve that! Which is a very generous amount, considering.
Fair enough.
I’m going to give you the abbreviated version of the same answer I always give you.
Ready.
Because…
You don’t do shit around the house. Except to destroy, demolish and dirty-ize (ok, so i made that word up)
Because…
The chores that have actually been assigned to you…don’t get done. Even if we remind you, take away things, give you swirlies, or sentence you to death by firing squad.
Because…
When we ask you to do something, the response we get is probably the same sounds heard in a Turkish prison.
Because…
With the amount and size of messes you make, at the end of the week…you owe ME an allowance for cleaning them up. Even after you “allegedly” already had “picked up” after yourselves, if that’s what they’re calling it these days.
Because…
If you got an allowance, that would mean you’d bring more crap into the house which would create a bigger mess. And then…I’d have to banish all of you back to the dumpsters from which you came.
Does that answer your question? Good. Now, and play in the pigpens you call your bedrooms.
Love,
Your Mother…the hoarder of all your allowance.
P.S. Guess what, I’m going to use the money that WOULD have been going to all of you, had you done something around here to actually earn it and I’m going to spend it frivolously. The whole time, cackling like the witch you say I am. And I just may be…bwahahaha…
Ha! We have that same argument here! I’ve since told my little Prince and Princess that we’re all a family, we all live in the house and we all need to pitch in. Don’t like it? Find another family.
Then I got smarter and made them earn the right to do things like play video games, use the computer and have friends over. (They still think they should receive a cash bonus on top of this. I think they are crazier than I am!)
I’ll get you my pretties!!!! I can hear you saying that….buzzing your house…chasing the kids to get them to do chores.
I love that my kid has no idea about money…..like he thought the dollar he got the other day could score him Wolverine tickets….I love his naivity.
I am printing this out and holding onto it for when my boys become teenagers who want allowance.. ha.
Gotta love the great allowance debate….maybe if you do what I asked, you’d get it.
my kids asked why they don’t have chores and get an allowance.
I pointed to their bedrooms and said, “you can’t even make your beds in the morning. that IS your chore”
I’m going to print this and put it on the frig… then show my kids my plane tickets to Chicago and tell them THAT is where their allowance went.
I have an eerie feeling I may need to print up this list for later use. Not only for my daughter…but for my hubby.
He never outgrew the dirty-izing.
Oh. My. God. This is so true.