OK…you DON’T have to bite me…
I breast fed my kids. All three of them. I had sore, cracked open, bloody nipples for months. I experienced teeth curling pain at every bad latch-on. I fed my children bloody milk from a HORRENDOUS mastitis that refused to go away after batches of antibiotics. I dealt with my babies who wanted to eat every hour on the hour for AT LEAST an hour. I had stretch marks…still have them…from having HUMUNGOUS, milk infested boobies. I donned breast milk stained and splattered bras and shirts because those maxi pads that you stick in the nursing bras were suckage back then. I slept in puddles of leakage. I lactated on date nights with hubby because some asshole brought their crying, screaming child into a movie or restaurant. I used my boobs as squirt guns at my husband…oh wait, that was probably TMI. And I’m STILL dealing with saggy boobs that drag along the floor, from all the little mouths those monsters fed.
I didn’t do it for the bonding. I bonded when they were in my tummy. I bonded with my kids just from holding and cuddling and munching on their tushies. I bonded with every poopy diaper I changed. I bonded with my babies, every stinking time I looked at them.
I didn’t breast feed because of the promise of DROPPING the pregnancy weight. Because THAT was not true either. Well, for me it wasn’t. I’m sure it had NOTHING to do with my “healthy” (read amounts not quality. wha?) eating habits…
I breast fed for 3 months, 4 months and 7 months. All in the name of making my childrens immunity bigger, better and stronger than say…non-breast fed children.
You know what I have to say about this?
That’s right. There…I said it. And I’ll say it again…
Because let me tell you something…
My 3 breastfed children…are ALWAYS sick.
2 of the 3 of my breastfed children…had their tonsils and adenoids removed. The 3rd one, he probably could use a good tonsil/adenoidectomy. But I’m not having it done. I don’t think I could live through my oldest son having this procedure. It would put me over the edge. Because…he’s the biggest baby with just a little sore throat. A bad sore throat…I shudder at the thought. They, all three, have shit for allergies. Chronic sniffles. Chronic sore throats. Chronic complainers…although, I’m not sure how much that has to do with breastfeeding…
My step-children. The oldest was breast fed for a millisecond. The other one…never. They both were subjected to secondhand marijuana smoke. And god knows what else they experienced first OR second hand…in the throes of their egg donor. I don’t even know if she remembered to feed them or if they just screamed until their Daddy got home, then he would bottle feed them.
And those kids are sick RARELY…if EVER. Seriously.
Now explain that.
Why am I babbling about this right now…years after the fact.
My oldest son. Is sick…again. My little one…has a constant running, gloppy nose. And my daughter…likes to complain a lot. (Although, yesterday…my step-daughter was home sick. But that was her once a year sickness that could be allergies.)
So whoever said that breast is best. They misled.
Breast is better than, say, a bottle of whiskey. Or cough syrup. Or…marijuana smoke.
Breast is better than, say, shaking your screaming baby.
Breast is better than, say, starving your baby.
Breast is NOT best for keeping your children from missing copious amounts of pre-school on.
Breast is best for having these sick kids home, AT LEAST once a week, throwing off your alone time schedule of blogging, twitter…and maybe getting a few hours of PAID work at the office.
Or maybe it was just MY breast…
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m taking my breasts and my 13 y/o son, who was breast fed for the first 3 months of his life, and we are going to the doctor. AGAIN.
update: the doctor confirmed that he has influenza…of the NON-oinker kind. A nurse and I had to hold him down while the other nurse drew blood from a fricking finger prick. He is gonna make it…despite being breast fed!
Now go and enter the Ziggy Marley Family Time CD and iPod Shuffle Giveaway