When it was over, she lay staring at the ceiling of the shed. Nothing about this was how she ever imagined it to be. But it was over and done with. Part of her was lost forever. Something she could never get back.
A shuffling brought her out of herself. He was putting on his pants. The only article of clothing that he had shed. He was preparing to join the others back at the main tent.
“You coming?” He asked her, with what she sensed was complete indifference.
She shook her head. Then, realizing that the only light was from the stars, she answered, “Naw. I’m going back to my cabin.”
He made a movement that she assumed was a shrug, mumbled an awkward “Well, thanks.” And started to stumble drunkenly off to where the other counselors were still having a party.
“Um…wait.” She said, with a sudden sense of neediness…”Is that it?” Wanting him to say something, yet not sure what, but not wanting him to leave her yet.
She sensed his discomfort and his impatience as he shifted his weight from foot to foot.
“Well. Yeah.” was his reply. “How about we go into town for ice cream tomorrow during rest time.” He asked, with forced cheerfulness.
“Sure. That sounds great.” She said, smiling through the tears that were threatening to spill, relieved that he couldn’t see her face.
“OK then. I’ll meet you in front of the office after lunch.” And he walked off. Leaving her her, half naked, in the dark.
For a long time she sat there with here shorts still around her ankles, on the hard floor of the shed. She was not quite sure how she had gotten here. Not exactly. It was definitely the wine coolers. But that was just an excuse. She had known, almost from the minute she met him that she was going to give herself to him. She was pretty sure that he knew it too.
It was over. Before she really knew what had even happened. Before she even had a chance to question her decision. Over. Quickly. Actually, very quickly. She giggled at that thought. That was DEFINITELY not what she had expected. But then again, nothing about it was what she had EVER anticipated. And she hoped that next time…if there would be a next time, would live up to some of her expectations. She didn’t want to admit her disappointment in the whole act but, she thought to herself, really…what’s all the fuss about?
A chill came over her. She hugged herself against the cool, midnight air. She finished dressing and headed back to her cabin. Exhausted, both emotionally and physically. She lay down in her cot. And almost instantly, a dreamless sleep overtook her.
After lunch the next day, she headed to the camp office. She was nervous. She hadn’t seen him since the night before. He wasn’t at breakfast or at any of the camp activities that she had been to. As she approached, she saw him waiting. He looked up and smiled, sincerely, at her. She felt…relieved.
But when she got to where he was standing, she noticed luggage next to him.
He noticed her looking at it. He raised his eyebrow and said, “I’m not staying for the rest of the summer. I’m going home.”
But…”and her sentence trailed off.
“My parents are coming to get me. Now. I’m sorry. About everything.” He kissed her cheek. Something he hadn’t even done the night before. “I’ll see you around. I’ll look for you, back at home.” And then, basically, he had dismissed her.
With her face burning, she ran back to her cabin. Humiliated.
He took something important, that she had given him. And he left it. Without a second thought. On the hard, cold floor of the shed.
Something that he was probably used to doing. But she wasn’t.
She swallowed hard. She knew her mistake.
But she also realized, after countless tears were shed..
she had only given away her hymen and her pride.
But her heart, that was really what was most important. And it was still untouched and unbroken.
And she vowed she would protect it like a virginity, until she knew she could safely give it to someone who wouldn’t leave it thoughtlessly on the hard, cold floor of a shed.