Dear Super Nanny,
I used to have a teeny tiny bit of control over my children…once upon a time, a long, long time ago.
When they were little. And the worse problem I had was dragging them out of Target, kicking and screaming, leaving behind a full shopping cart. *smiles fondly at that memory*
Well…
They are bigger now. And louder. And smellier. And messier.
And they don’t listen to me. Even when I’m screaming and throwing things at them. And it’s harder to drag them out of places, unless I grab them by their hair and lead them roughly to the exit. But then, I’m frowned upon and Social Services shows up at my door.
No biggie…the charges were dropped…
Let’s talk about our chore assignments in order to get allowance.
Let’s just say…they owe me money. And I really need to collect it because I saw this really cool, yet to be released, Wii workout game and I put a deposit on it but, I’ll still owe 55 bucks towards it when it’s released…ANYWAY…
But I’ll never get to use that said game. Because I’ll be too busy doing all their chores. And picking up their crap. And monitoring their online life. And doing their…er…forcing them to do their homework.
I. Need. Help.
Please.
I want to be able to proudly write about how well-behaved and angelic all my kids are. Just like my favorite blogs that I read and leave feeling…well…jealous.
Thank You,
Melissa
Dear Dr. Phil,
See note to Super Nanny.
Then go on to add…
I take no blame in the lack of control over my children. In fact, it’s all my damn husbands fault. And while we are at it, it’s my ex-husbands fault. And my husbands ex-wife is part of the problem. And my parents. And my in-laws.
But me…
I’m the victim here. Being stepped on. And run over. And taken advantage of. By those children.
Can you help me? Before I start doing crystal meth. And whoring around. And neglecting my kids. Or worse…
Compulsively shopping on eBay while eating Hot Tamales.
Thank You,
Melissa
go on…enter the awesome Dinosaur book giveaway. Go here
You never know they may read it!!!! Kadi @ wombattheinnsane.com blogs for them!!!
HA! OK, the Dr. Phil letter put me over the top! Remember back to when he didn’t have his own show and he kinda made sense? Ya, me neither!
“Can you help me? Before I start doing crystal meth. And whoring around. And neglecting my kids. Or worse…” Why is this sooooo funny? Maybe I need Dr. Phil too?
So, how’s that workin’ for ya??????
The Retirement Chronicles
Dear Melissa,
This too shall pass. Really
Grandma Molly
I remember those days well. It will be fine once they leave the house. Take it from “she who know”, who finally has a clean and fairly neat house. Didn’t your mother tell you that she hopes you have one just like you? Now you have five.
HA. My kids aren’t even that big and I could have written this letter to super nanny. 😉
Maybe they have google alerts set up or something.
If I were Dr. Phil I would have one set for “Dr. Phil” and I would come swooping in to rescue you.
As it stands, I have no idea what the hell I am doing as a parent and will take any advice you are given.
Send the team of Super Nanny and Dr. Phil my way when your done..they would have a field day in my house..
This is great … love it. Came over from Momma Young and have been enjoying your blog… will be back for sure!