Parentisms: Cause And Effect

Growing up, my parents used to throw the most ridiculous sounding cliches and quotes and…PARENTISMS…at me. These would, inevitably, lead me to some obnoxious teenagerism retort which would lead me to running out the side door to perch myself on my favorite rock…and light up a smoke.
As I would watch the smoke curl from the cigarette and circle around my hand (god I must have STUNK back then) I would vow, to all the Gods and deities and superheroes…that I would NEVER. EVER. Say those stupid things to my kids. Because, if anything, it would just cause them to get pissed and go outside to have a cigarette and vow to all their Gods, deities and superheros that they would never say these things to their children.
Well…now it’s my parents that can snort and roll their eyes at me. Just…no smoking please. It offends my sense of smell and the whiteness of my teeth.

DAILY. Hourly. Minute-ly. I am sounding more and more like them. The enemy. My parents.

“You play with shit, you smell like shit.” I’ll pair that with another one of my faves…”Birds of a feather flock together”. Those were their mantras when it came to my friends. And Lori…they didn’t ever mean you so…no worries!!
I’ve started saying those to my kids. Because…”All you have is your reputation.” and if you hang out with foul smelling people…you’ll have a shit smelling reputation. And you don’t want that because…”You don’t want to be the girl at the party that every guy has had sex with.” (yeah…really. That was another doozy from my parents.)
Seriously, I can’t believe they didn’t traumatize me and cause me to be a hermit. I mean, the way they would talk, you’d think that if I looked sideways at a guy I’d immediately turn into a bad-reputation deserving slut.
So, I’m working on my kids. Because I did learn the importance of protecting your reputation. And I sometimes even listened to their advice AND my conscience.
And no…I didn’t have a bad reputation…that I know of. If anyone knows any differently, please spill. I’d love to hear the rumors…er…stories. I did try, somewhat, to protect it.
But, in all seriousness…I am trying to drill into my children’s heads that, while it’s important to be nice to everyone. It’s also important to pick friends who will not sink you into the depths of Hell. Even though I’m not really sure that us Jewish people believe in Hell. But regardless…they wouldn’t want to go there. So I’m instilling in them the tools that my parents instilled in me. I know. I’m awesome.

But then there were those empty threats. Yeah, I’ve taken to those too.
Things along the line of…
If you keep talking back to me, I’m going to break both your legs and then lock you in your room. Yeah…sure. I’m REALLY going to lock them in their room…er…break both their legs.
Or, this is a good one…
If you don’t clean your room, you’re going to be grounded from the television for the rest of your life PLUS you won’t even be allowed out of your room. I know…I’m an extremist.

Well…so you get the idea. Those are empty threats. Because seriously…SERIOUSLY…

But it’s funny because, I get a little more carried away than my Dad used to. I think he would stop after breaking both our (mine and my sisters) legs. But no…I don’t stop there. I break their legs. I knock their glasses through the back of their heads. And I lock them in their rooms for the rest of their lives with no electronics of ANY type!

And you know what they do?

They roll their eyes at me.

See…I told you, I’m giving them the tools my parents gave me.

I’m REALLY good at rolling my eyes. And making empty threats.

And I’m teaching them well.

So they can teach these important lessons to their children

And so on.

And so on.

Shit.

My future generations. Are so screwed.

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