When I was going through my divorce, it was 2000. My children were 3 1/2 and 1 1/2. Babies. And babies need to be with their Mommy. Especially MY babies.
It was a given. Unspoken between my soon to be ex and I, that the sole physical custody would be mine. Because that was how it was going to be. You’d have to kill me. Then kill me again. Then…you’d have to TRY to pry them from my rigor mortis-ridden arms.
I had to deal with my jack ass ex-husbands empty threats of some “trump card” that he had, which would surely get him custody. Which, seriously…did he honestly think I was going to fall for that? I knew he was trying to threaten me because he did NOT want to pay child support.
Besides. Children do NOT get taken from the Mommy. Not unless they are proven to be unfit. Or are dead. Or…they choose to give up custody, like my husbands ex-wife.
Well…I got custody.
Obviously. I’m not unfit, well…I REALLY do need to start working out but…we’re not talking about THAT kind of unfit. I’m not dead…although, I’m approaching 40 so, I’ve got one foot in the grave. But this divorce happened almost 10 years ago so I was MUCH younger…and fitter. And, like I mentioned before, you would need the jaws of life to pry my children from my dead arms. So yeah…I have custody.
And he still doesn’t want to have to pay child support. So…he simply doesn’t.
Let me re-phrase that.
He pays child support when a letter arrives from Friend of the Court announcing a Show Cause hearing in front of the referee…who happens to hate my ex-husband. *Smirk*
So, he usually comes up with the money the day before our hearing. And then we are usually adjourned for another month. Then…he comes up with the money the day before the hearing….which causes another adjournment. See the pattern? Yeah, it’s an easy one, right?
Well, this little game has been going on for years.
OVER IT.
He hasn’t paid since December.
He hasn’t helped with HIS kids, in any way, shape or form.
He expects my husband. The step-father. To take care of all his childrens needs. Health insurance. Dental. After-school activities. Toilet paper. Socks. EVERYTHING.
And HE is living the life of a prince. Well…a prince turned pauper turned scum rot.
He is living in a luxury apartment building. With all new furniture. His food is being paid for. He has a cleaning lady. His living needs are being met. He…is a kept man. Kept…by his mother. Who moved back into town. And, by the way…is living in her own apartment, just down the hall from Jrs. Gross, eh? Yep. You bet.
But the Mommy. Is taking care of her baby. Who is NOT taking care of his own babies. And she. Is CERTAINLY not offering to help him take care of HER grandchildren.
And he…refuses to get a job. Well, a real job. One that pays. Not this…PRETEND job that he has. Where he is trying to start some sort of ethanol plant. Because, in this economy…who the heck is going to hand over 250 million dollars to some punk with bald patches, who is being supported by his mother? And if anyone out there is about to…dude, you’re as crazy as my ex is!
Anyway…
It’s back to court. The end of the month. To start this dance over again.
Threatening letter. Money shows up in my bank account.
This…is NOT the type of dancing I like to do.
It’s NOT the type of dancing I learned.
It’s NOT the type of dancing that I want my children to ever learn.
This type of dancing. IS UGLY.
It’s not fluid and graceful…like the Ballet.
It’s not funky and fun…like Hip Hop.
It’s choppy. And dark.
I don’t enjoy this type of dance.
And I’m done doing it.
I really hope that the dance instructor, when we meet again at the dance studio, has new choreography. For another form of dance.
A type of dance that I can teach my children. And let them know that I learned it from someone who wanted them to learn it…
So that our future generations will know this dance and it’s choreography.
And the old dance. The dark and choppy one.
Will be forgotten. Erased.
And never be seen in another dance studio again.
Until then, this dancer waits.
UGH!
Seriously, that is awful.
You want I should punch him in the neck? I’m good at it.
I don’t know much about how support works, but you would think that there would be a way that a garnishment of his wages could be set up so that it automatically comes monthly. I have clients at work who deal with this … direct withdrawals and direct payments from or to their bank account for child support.
I wish I could help. Instead, I’ll pass you a glass of wine and some girl scout cookies. I also have pain meds and stool softeners if you’d prefer those. LOL
Ugh. I’m so sorry. This must be such a nightmare to deal with. I hope things work out at the end of the month.
Oh girl what an silly and tiring dance that is! being raised by a single dad I know the pain. Mine was the mom that left and decided to be carefree and not work and not do childsupport. Thanks to a wonderful dad and a step mom who came into the picture that is the one and only mom I count, we made it through it. Your child will always know that you are special and did so much for them! Sad we have to learn these things about the people who are suppose to be our parents. As I say bio mom was just there to bring life, and thankfully a real mom came along to take the place of the empty void.
Muah! Stopping by from SITS again 😉
My husband was a child of a father like this. He does not talk to his father much now. I hate that some men do not see their kids as their responsibility. I think that it is really annoying. I would be furious. I may even have some words for my ex-mother-in-law! I am so sorry that you go through this year after year.
Becca
Please visit me at http://www.askbecca.com
I am so sorry you and your family have to put up with this! The ones who live with their mothers are the worst.
feh. just feh.
it took the district attorney to get my ex to cough up the bucks. he still owes some back support, but i have basically given up.
let me know if you figure out how to make the dancing stop.
I can’t imagine this is good for anyone involved.
How frustrating is that? Part of me is wishing I would have taken that job back in college with the child support people. What a total boob he is. Some day he will realize that by acting like a snot nosed punk he missed out on the best gift he ever had. But your kids will know who was there for them (with no prodding from the court no less…)
My ex-husband is a complete lose too. Last February he decided he didn’t have to pay child support anymore because he wasn’t working. Ok, I get that, but then he served me with papers asking the court for me to pay back child support for the months he wasn’t working and if I didn’t to put a lien on my house. Seriously, he did this. What really gets my goat is that all the jobs he has ever had have been sketchy and he has never provided real proof of income, even though I have asked the court to require him to. When he pulled that nonsense I had him served with papers for failure to pay child support and failure to comply with the terms of an agreed order. Then I hit him with an order relating to unemployment and the court made him document his job search and have employers sign the forms. So that scared him, the date he was supposed to supply his documented proof suddenly he had a job. Big deal, it lasted a whole 2 months and I have yet to collect the child support from those wages and he has failed to provide complete proof of those wages. He is still unemployed. We had visitation issues and I had visitation stopped from July thru January. Now visitation has resumed, but he rarely sees the kids. Tomorrow he is supposed to take the train out to visit with my daughter (he has separate visitation arrangements for each child due to my daughter’s mental illness, which doesn’t mix well with his mental illness). He has made plans with my daughter without my consent. Now mind you he doesn’t drive and expects me to pick him up from the train station, no big deal, I usually make him pay for my meal if he wants to have dinner with the children. I feel that’s fair considering my time, gasoline and my aggravation. This time he thinks I can take them to Blockbuster and we all can come back to MY house to watch the movie. What the freak planet does he live on? My partner does not want to see him in our house. My partner can’t stand him. Please tell me, who would allow their ex-husband to visit their child in THEIR home watching movies? I know he’s off his nut, but he’s REALLY off his nut.
you can hire paula abdul as your new choreographer. then maybe your ex will look a little more normal.
🙂
I went thru a similar “dance” in 2006 when my child was only about 18 months old … His father decided to take me to court to try and get custody (as silly little men often do when they don’t get their way) … Like you, the only way he was getting my child is if they pried him from my dead, lifeless arms and even after that … they’d have to exorcise my violently haunting ghost, too.
They act like requesting child support for their own children is an inappropriate request! I do hope this show comes to an end for you soon, until then as they say in the world of performing arts: break a leg …
Your ex makes me sick! And his mama too.
I hope they throw the book at him next time.
You can ask for it not to be adjourned, even if he does pay the money. There should be a way to garnish something, or take an automatic deduction. This pattern has gone on long enough to be seen as non-compliance.