Where would we be without cell phones? Seriously? How would we EVER be able to drive without them? Walk our children into their classrooms without talking on them? Take walks without staying connected.
Our future generations are going to evolve with blue-tooth attachments instead of ears. And we won’t be giving birth to gender. We will be giving birth to Blackberry or iPhone. How sweet. And then…boy oh boy…your Blackberry BETTER NOT marry my iPhone! Because what would happen if we had iBerrys. Or…BlackiPhones. or BerryPhone. What an utterly confused society we would be.
C’mon…honestly…you’re dropping your kid off at school. For the WHOLE DAY. Get off your fricking phone and situate your kid in his class. You have the whole entire day to make and return phone calls. Can you do that? Or is this phone call so much more important than reassuring your crying child that you are INDEED coming back?
Why is it that…people will sign up…in DROVES…for earth friendly cleaning supplies. But…when you offer a sex toy…they get all embarrassed and won’t sign up? People…you KNOW you like to have orgasms. And…come here…I have a little secret for you…NO ONE knows who you are when you sign up. So…it’s all very hush hush. We can’t see you blush. Just like you couldn’t see me blush when I wrote the damn post!!
OK…so, I work in my dads law office, right! Here’s a couple little somethings I’ve noticed. Wintertime comes. And there are a TON of slip and falls. To be expected, I guess. Cold. Winter. Ice. It all equals falling down on your butt and breaking, spraining, pulling something…
If it has been super cold out. And super snowy. And super icy…
Why the HECK are women wearing high heels or gym shoes? You…are accidents waiting to happen. And it IS mostly women who are slipping, falling and SUING!! Seriously!!!
And…I find it humorous that…the accident happens, for example…yesterday. And by today, these people are feeling all litigious. Calling the office from the hospital, in traction…or a neck brace or a coma…or WHATEVER.
The other funny thing is…the pictures these people take.
They are basically…taking pictures of themselves as they are in the process of falling…
Photo 1: Say cheese.
Photo 2: And look…black ice.
Photo 3: See…here is my bone popping through my ankle. Damn, and those were my favorite BOGO from Payless Shoes…all blood stained and scratched up and shit. And…I’m gonna make the DAMN owner of 7-11 pay for a manicure because I broke my acrylic nail while stopping my fall…and it made me sprain my wrist.
Photo 4: Say cheese again. With a look of feigned pain. While holding my ankle with my sprained wrist and broken fingernail.
And that. Is all. Well…for now, anyways.
What…wasn’t that enough for you?