To My Children,
I know you’ve learned about sex education in your school. You’ve learned about kissing. And all those miraculous and crazy things that happen to your body. And that “special hug” shared between a Mommy and Daddy that produces children.
I know that, occasionally, you’ve walked in on Mommy and Daddy…smack dab in the middle of their sharing a morning “special hug”. And you were promptly told that Mommy and Daddy were just cuddling and in a breathless voice told to leave the bedroom…IMMEDIATELY…so that we could “finish cuddling”. And…too bad, you’ll have to starve until we’re done! And yes, we ALWAYS cuddle with our clothes off.
Yeah, we know that you had a feeling that we weren’t EXACTLY hugging. We could see the look of knowing confusion on your face.
And on occasion, you’ve walked in our room late at night to find Mommy OR Daddy in uncompromising positions. But luckily, you’ve been too busy throwing up on my carpet to notice your Daddy in my carpet.
But lately, my darling children, you’ve seen me hunched over my computer…blocking the screen from your view.
I want you to know why. And it’s something that you won’t learn in school.
You see, my sweet, innocent children…
Mommy has been checking out websites likeEden Fantasys, Pink Cherry Sex Toys, Vibrators.com and Liberator. These sites sell things. To make that “special hug” even more special. And more…um…satisfying.
And no…there are NO pens or paper in the top drawer of my night table (mental note, buy a toy box).
And no…there are no cough drops or chap stick in the top drawer of Daddy’s night stand (mental note, buy another toy box)
So…from now on, my beautiful, sweet and angelic children…
don’t breathe over my shoulder when I’m on the computer.
Because when I was your age…I would have thought that those life-like dildos and vagina’s were gross too. And I would have been traumatized that my Mom was looking at them. Only…back in my day…there were catalogs that were delivered in the mailbox. And also…there was the Joy of Sex book that my Mom left carelessly on the kitchen counter.
You see, my little sweet peas…
it’s a right of passage. To know that Yes…your parents have SEX. And to know that it IS NOT just to make babies.
everyone’s parents EXCEPT mine…your grandparents. Because…that’s just too gross and disgusting. I mean…they’re related FOR GODS SAKE!!!
Hugs and Kisses,