You know I’m on this diet, right?

I want to get back to my thin form.  So I can wear my hawt couture clothing at Blogher.  Actually…so I don’t have to buy new, hawt clothes for Blogher so I can spend money in Chicago but…anyhoo…

This diet I’m on.  It rawks.  Big.

I’ve never NOT lost my weight from it.  I ALWAYS get to my goal weight.

This will be the 3rd time I’ve been on it.

Why, you ask, if you get to your goal weight…are you on this diet AGAIN?

OK…fairnuff…

First time…lost weight and stupid ass me…got pregnant.  But…despite the fact that aliens abducted her, she’s pretty cute and it was worth the 45 pound gain.

Second time…I lost 40 pounds. Went down to a beautiful, perfect, can wear any clothes I want (not shorts or mini skirts…too much cellulite) without trying them on…size 6.
Then…I quit smoking.

So…I’m doing this diet for the 3rd time.
Three…
is a charm, right?
Or is that just for marriages?

Anyway…
The last few days have been rough.
A week…exactly.
Has been big donkey balls suckage.
Sick kids.
Cling-on.
Wants to crawl back where he came from, don’t leave the room Mommy or I may diiiiiiieeeeee!!
Yeah…
Diet. Sabotage.

Then…enter hubby.
So sweet.
He decided that he was bored.
And he decided our daughters were bored.
So…they baked Oatmeal Raisin cookies.
Shithead.
Because…with sick kids. That was already a bad, bad diet ruination.
But Oatmeal Raisin cookies…
That’s kicking me when I’m down.
SERIOUSLY.
That…is worse than NOT getting me a Valentines card.
That…is worse than forgetting to call me on my 35th birthday…and you’re mom had to call you and yell at you (back when she tolerated me)
That…
is undermining my efforts to skinnydom.

But HA!
I do have a savior.
In the name of a black and brown, 100 pound, her own vagina licking…
DOG!!
Luna.
How do I love thee.
Let me count the Oatmeal Raisin cookie crumbs…
all over the floor.
And the guilty gait with tail tucked…into your happy place corner.

Note to hubby…
Next time you make Oatmeal Raisin cookies…put them away.
Because…the dog. She’s tall. She can reach the kitchen counter.
Oh and…
you may want to take her on an extra LOOOOOONG walk later.
Oatmeal is very high in dietary fiber.

OK…
Just enter my giveaways…here for make up
and
here for an obnoxious and scary looking sex toy that comes with yummy sounding lubes.
K
THNXS
Off to eat some salad or something boring now.
XOXO