This is a letter for the future me…
Hey. Can you believe how fast time has flown? No…me either.
Well…I’m going to cut to the chase. The reason for this letter is simple. To remind you.
Remember how it felt to always feel that, no matter what you did. No matter what you said. It wasn’t going to make them like you any better.
Remember how it felt to know that your kids were ALWAYS considered less than human. The proverbial red-headed step child. All 3 of them.
Remember how it felt to NEVER do anything right. And to NEVER win.
Remember how it felt. And hold on to that feeling…
So you’ll never be like that.
Be happy for your children. If they are happy. If their spouse is good to them. And they are in a “normal” marriage.
If their children…your grandchildren…are being raised in a loving home with doting parents. And everything is being done to ensure that they are growing up with all the opportunites and experiences that could be offered to them.
If you don’t like one of you child’s spouses…zip it. There is NO REASON to even bother letting your child…or the spouse…know…unless this person is abusive or offensive…
Fake it. It won’t kill you. And when that person is not around…feel free to talk about him/her to your husband. He’ll probably agree with you anyway!
And the children.
Treat them all equally.
It doesn’t matter how they became your grandchild. Through birth or marriage.
These are children.
None of it…whatever it is…
it’s not their fault.
They are innocent.
Don’t take it out on them.
Treat them fairly.
You know better now.
Because you lived it. And you listened. And you took mental notes.
And history will never repeat itself.
Not in this family.
Because…we heard it the first time!
American in Norway says
Such an awesome post! Sorry, that anyone knows what this is like…. I have a good MIL she makes me nuts, but I know she loves me…My dad’s mom..lets just say I was the red headed step child… I relate
You write beautifully. What a sad loss for those assholes, pardon the language, but I have no idea how you have put up with this and how it has not truly damaged your marriage at times. I would be at the point that they see, treat,buy, etc…all kids the same or they see none of them. I know that isn’t reasonable it just makes me sad. I did get your email, but have had some crazy family issues going on…which might actually make me start my blog and let them find it.
Take care — in my thoughts
Tara R. says
Can I adopt all of you? I would be the most awesomest grandma to your ‘red-headed step-children.’ Been there. I am so sorry your kids have to deal with such a vindictive wench.
I am going to print this out and read it over and over every time my in-laws are on the way over. They always make me feel second class, but I’m not. You are not either. You are wonderful.
Wonderful letter to yourself and something I will still never understand about your MIL. Don’t get it now and never will
the planet of janet says
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!
I.Love.This.Post. For all of the reasons you wrote it, been there – done that and we will NOT do it again. Awesome. Thank you.