I spanked my son last night.
Not just a little warning slap on the tushie.
I SPANKED my littlest son.
And I’m sick to my stomach about it.
His behavior didn’t warrant it.
All he deserved was a potch.
A little slap on the fleshy part of his butt. Something that would get his attention. To stop his tantrum.
But what he got.
For throwing toys.
And breaking his brothers toy.
Was a furious Mommy.
With pent up anger.
From the obnoxious behavior of ALL of the kids.
And from the bad mood that was being slapped at her by the Daddy.
Wound into one.
With a very.
On the upper area of his butt.l
And I am SO so SO sorry.
I told him how awful I felt.
I told him that Mommy will NEVER do that again. Not. EVER.
And all he said…
Through his tears.
“That’s OK Mommy. Will you read me 5 books tonight? Please?”
And despite my husband yelling at me. That he doesn’t deserve ANY books.
I read him 5 books.
Because even though I know he is over it already. My guilt is terrible.
I don’t understand how people can constantly hurt their children. How can they live with themselves?
Because no matter what. No matter how often I complain about how horrible they are acting. And how badly I want to do bodily harm to them…
I would NEVER. EVER.
Because there is NO ONE on this planet that I love as much as MY children. And part of my job. As their Mommy. Is to protect them from people that would hurt them.
So next time. No matter how mad I am. No matter what is going on around me. I will think first. And then act. Because it was the acting first that made the red mark on his butt.
If I had not reacted so fast…he would have just had a little potch on one of his butt cheeks.
And that is how it should’ve, would’ve, could’ve been.
But he’s over it.
And now I will be too.
And I will NEVER. EVER. SPANK. AGAIN.
Good for you for being able to put it out here in the dot com. I’ve done that before too and the guilt is terrible. You are not alone, honey!
Colleen - Mommy Always Wins says
Oh, hon – I feel ya! I think we’ve all done this and felt horrible about it afterwards (if not, lie to me so *I* don’t feel so bad about doing it!!!) The important thing is that you realize the mistake – but its SO HARD in that moment where everything’s crazy, isn’t it?
Been there! Yeah, it’s the worst feeling ever!
Forgive yourself, though. You’re human. 🙂
Give yourself a break. It happens to the best of us. Remember, mine are now older, but oh the days!! At an other time I will share a fight I had, or argument I should say, with my husband that the kids all remember to this day, the time I spanked — not at all. Hang in there, this too shall pass, I promise.
Yes, sweetie, we have ALL been there. There is truth behind the saying, “this hurts me more than it hurts you.”
I spanked my baby the other day too and felt the same way all day…horrible feeling.