My daughter has this one friend. We’ll call her, um…Spoiledonlychildwhosteals. Yes, that’s a fitting name.
The playdates themselves are usually fine. Unfortunately, they play great together. They play very imaginative games. That’s not the problem. The problem is…
1. The mom…never shows up for her daughter. She is ALWAYS an hour late. Or more.
2. The daughter, Spoiledonlychildwhosteals. She ALWAYS leaves my house with my daughters stuff. “By mistake”…allegedly, supposedly. And my daughter always has to ask her, the next day, for her things back.
Point blank…I am NOT fond of this child. I am NOT fond of the mother…who told me that I shouldn’t kid myself, my husband is probably plotting my death or having an affair. Yes. Really. Can you say “Whack job”?
My daughter just got off the phone with Spoiledonlychildwhosteals…
She was invited to sleep over there.
Knee jerk response…absolutely NOT. But, I told her she’d let this little girl know tomorrow, at school.
My daughter, despite the fact that she knows this little girl steals and is really odd…she likes her a lot. And, she wants to sleep over there.
Would you believe that…I have no clue what to do.
She’s slept there before…before I knew too much about this kid and her mom. And it was fine. Harmless.
But…I just don’t really want to encourage a friendship between the girls. I’m hoping that it fades.
What do you think you would do?
Knowing that your daughter really would be safe at this home but you just don’t like the people…would you let your child sleep there? Or…No?
This is a very tough situation. In my opinion, if you make a stand, you will risk your daughter becoming sneaky or defiant. I would encourage you to put it back on your daughter – how does it feel that you have to ask for you stuff? Let her work it out.
In the meantime, you easily could be saving this child’s life. If you look at it as charity to the needy, it’s easier to deal with.
I’ve seen this strategy work really well.
I think I would invite the child to my house for a sleep over, rather than let my daughter go there. At the same time, in a situation recently, I have a friend who’s kids got it pretty fast when they slept over.
dear melissa, you only need to know 1 thing as a parent ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCT! there is some little voice inside you that TELLS YOU things are not right, we are the only living things on this planet that always doubt our instincts instead of doing what the wildebeast do, RUN ON THE SENSE OF DANGER! or in this case, use your motherly instincts and do not promote this friendship. Whether it is stealing, lying, just a gut feeling, whatever, you are the lion of this den, and do what feels right, dont let her sleep over, let the child come to your home for playdates if you must, but showing up an hour or more to pick your kid up is at the very least selfish, its also saying what this mom thinks of your time which must not mean much to her!!
Totally a tough one and I feel ya’. I’m faced with stuff like this all the time- I’m really picky about who my kids hang out with and there are some kids I just don’t like. I know that sounds awful, but it is what it is.
I’m not sure how old your daughter is but my oldest is 12. I finally got tired of the arguing, and talked to him about making good choices when it came to his friends (because who he hangs around with reflects on him), and that I trusted him to make up his own mind. He’s a good kid, so it wasn’t long before he saw what I was getting at and stopped hanging around a couple of these kids.
Good luck!
Good advice already. I guess my 2 cents would be that if you tell your daughter NO then I agree with Claudia, she may turn into the sneaky one and you don’t want her lying to you.
I like the idea of having her stay at your place . . . Maybe your bright and shininess will rub off on the family 🙂
We had a similar circumstance with one of my son’s friends (many years ago). We ended up not letting the klepto kid in our home. The friend, who lived a few doors down the street, still played outside with our son, but after confronting the klepto kid about the stealing, he did not come in our house. This arrangement worked for us; staying overnight was not an issue.
I would let her, but I also agree with listening to your instincts.
I think I would come up with a special, fun activity to offer your daughter that night and give her the choice. If she still chooses to go over to Spoiledonlychildwhosteals’ home, then so be it. But I totally get your thinking.
I’m big on trusting instincts about people and I’m a great judge of character upon meeting someone for just 5 minutes. (Seriously – it’s like a freak talent). SO, that being said, I’d still let her make the decision, but just warn her that things are always as great as they seem. I have a feeling that your daughter likes this girl because this girl is paying attention to your daughter. Surely, there are other, better girls that would like to pay attention to your daughter as well! 🙂
If you are sure that your daughter will be safe then I think it is okay. Maybe your daughter’s good behavior is just what this other girl needs. A good influence. They are young. And so many young kids just don’t know how to behave.
Good luck!
My initial thought was let her go and make sure she steals something.
Then I stopped and smacked myself upside the head and reminded myself that I’m an ADULT and a PARENT.
My adult parenting instinct says no. If you feel she’ll be unsafe, if you feel it’s unhealthy, it’s no.
My mom forbade me from being friends with a few girls from my class growing up because they were horrible people. She was right. To this day. They are horrible people. Hurt everyone in their path.
Your instincts are right.
ABSOLUTELY. POSITIVELY.NO!…..trust your instincts…they are ALWAYS right.
This is tough, I know how it feels to want your child to be happy & have a friend, when it’s a friend you don’t care for. I tend to agree with Donuts Mom, though….trust your gut!
I have no experience in this yet. My gut instinct would be to say no. (Although my FIRST reaction was the same as mcgearstella – let her go get all her stuff back). 😉
But eventually this girl’s bad attitude is going to rub off. You really don’t want it on your child. As a substitute, maybe you could let your daughter invite another non-stealing-with-parents-who-honor-their-commitments friend to spend the night at your house.
I say go with your gut. You have a mother’s instinct for a reason…