Around 7 years ago, I went on a date. On this date, we had a fabulous conversation. During this conversation, my date asked me if I had had a happy childhood. And without hesitation, I replied to this question…YES!
The man that asked me that question, almost 7 years ago, went on to become my husband. Birth father of one of my 3 birth children. Step-father to my two other children.
I went on to become this mans wife. Birth mother to one of his three birth children. Step-mother to his two other children.
And now, almost 7 years later…I am reflecting on this question. Not in regards to my life. I know I had a happy childhood. Despite parents that fought passionately. Despite a father who, every other week…packed his suitcase and left…if only for a few hours.
But I had a very happy childhood. Full of wonderful memories of late night family car rides. Board games. Trips to Toronto and Chicago. So much happiness. So much love.
I’m thinking about this because of how quickly times passes.
Very soon, before I can take a deep breath…my children will be old enough to date.
And what if…on this date…the person asks my child if he or she had a happy childhood?
I wonder how my children will respond…all 5 of them. Will they, too, respond that they had a happy childhood? Full of fun family trips? And car rides? And love?
I wonder.
What about you? Did you have a happy childhood? Do you think your children are having a fun childhood? How do you think they will respond to that question when they are older?
I wonder…
This is such a great post. And so important to think of how our children would answer. I think I should ask myself this numerous times a day as a good reminder that I am shaping lives and memories.
I think I had a great childhood, though, like you, there was some turmoil. My parents fought passionately (well said) as well. And money was tight. But there was lots and lots of love and fun. It was a great childhood.
Great Post Mel. I had a wonderful childhood, as a whole.
There are some horrible events in my childhood and some bad times. But as a whole it was great.
My childhood wasn’t great but it wasn’t hideous. Nobody fought, but nobody did much of anything. My father died when I was 3, my stepfather left when I was 17. It was all very quiet.
My kids have already done more fun stuff in their 2 and 4 years than I did in my first 18. hopefully we can keep that up so they can answer the question positively.
As I’ve gotten older and had a child of my own, I choose to reflect on only the happier times. My childhood was full of drama and chaos (and unfortunately, not the good kind). But, amongst it all were these nuggets of joy that I will forever hold onto.
As for J, it is my mission to give him a fulfilling childhood. I know it won’t be perfect, but it is my hope that he will have more joy than anything else.
Excellent post . . . thought-provoking.
Great topic!
I’d have to agree with LaskiGal – we were very poor (and even homeless once) when I was growing up and there were lots of very hard times. But through it all I loved my family, and had good times with them despite everything else. If someone asked me that question, I’d probably have to shrug, go, “Eh…” and then have to explain further.
I don’t want my kids to be spoiled; I don’t think kids should ever have everything they want. But I’m very cognizant of the fact that *I* can give them much better lives and experiences than I had growing up. *I* (and by I, I mean hubs, too) can teach them more, expect more of them, and cheer them on to leading their own better lives.
I think about it all the time!
Fabulous question! I didn’t have an awful childhood, but I also can’t say that it was consistently happy. I truly hope my children can answer that question differently than I would.
I never really thought about it.
My parents separated when I was 3. Lived with my dad and the evil step-mom until I was 8 and told them I wanted to live with mom. 3 days later I was there. I put my mother through teen hell. You name it, I did it. She went to extremes with me but if she hadn’t I couldn’t tell you where I would be today. I love her for that.
She made my childhood the best she could being a single parent. I commend her for that. She’s my best friend, for the most part. She’s my shoulder. So on that regards, I had a happy childhood.
Great question. I think it depends on which stage you’re asking– at one point, I said yes because I had been allowed to make decisions and choices on my own. Later in life I’m seeing that wasn’t so much a new movement in parenting, but neglect. I try hard to make up where my parents were deficient, and yet I seem to fail in the areas they excelled (like how I am almost always screaming like a fishwife by the end of the day, but I don’t remember ever hearing my parents yell).
You are a good mom, and wise to be reflecting on these things.
Hey, that is lots of questions. Parts of my childhood were happy, and I have some good memories. Some of my teen years were not so good as I was depressed. My children seemed to have some happy years, but my oldest had some sad years too. Our youngest son seems to have been a happy-go-lucky most of his life.
Now, my life is good. 🙂
I had a wonderful, happy, loving childhood filled with tons of family memories and I only hope that I can match that same happiness with my own children sometime. 🙂
I realize how lucky I was/am too. I realize how awesome it is that my parents are still married after 39 years. How great it was to grow up with 2 sisters, who I still talk to and think about all the time. We are a tight knit family and I hope I can pass that along to my son! And any future children ofcourse!!
Melissa….Here’s how you put your Etsy shop into your blog:
There should be a button somewhere in wordpress that you can use to upload things like this. Then go to your Etsy page. Scroll all the way down to the bottom, on the right. Under PROMOTE, it will say, “Etsy Mini”. Just copy the code, and paste in the right area of your wordpress page. I don’t have wordpress, so I hope this works for you. If not….ask in the Etsy forums. Someone will know!! Good luck!
OHHH, good question! I have thought of this often. Having an adult child now I get to hear her perscpective. She is grateful that she has had a nice home and supportive parents. She know her parents don’t always get along but she knows we are commited to working together to get through things. So, I think she would say her childhood was mostly happy.
My childhood, not so good. My parents fought all the time. My sister was trouble. Too much drinking. Yeah, I got out as soon as I could. I am sure that has made me make a solid effort to make life happier for my kids.
I had a wonderful childhood. I adore my parents. And, I think your kids will all know that even if you don’t always get along perfectly, you and hubby love each other.
I had a wonderful childhood. I think my kids did too. But I do feel a little sorry for my grandchildren. The freedom to go where we want, when we want, with whomever we want is now a thing of the past. But I will do my best to make sure its as good as it possibly can be.
Great Post. I had a good childhood. My parents fought passionately too, but I think it taught me that marriage is hard work and it isn’t always going to be roses and sunshine. I appreciate that now. I hope my kids will be able to answer this positively too, however Mike and I occasionally fight passionately too. I just hope the memories we make will make it all positive for them.
I wouldn’t answer with an absolute YES! Overall it was happy, but there were a lot of issues too. But I just try to make things better for my kids.
Great post!