Thirteen things my parents told me. Things I VOWED I would NEVER say to my kids. I PROMISED myself…these things would NEVER be heard from MY mouth. EVER…
1. ” If you don’t eat your dinner, you don’t get dessert.” That used to annoy me. Because, we never had good desserts when I was growing up. The rents just didn’t believe in it. We had stuff like fruit cocktail…back when they took the cherries out because of the red dye scare. And now…I wave dessert in front of my children…like a trophy…to join the clean plate club. And my desserts aren’t any better!!
2. “If you don’t do well in school…how are you going to go to college?!” Ok…that didn’t work on me…how can I expect it to work on my kids?
3. “Your reputation is the only thing you have. You have to protect it.” It sickens me that I have to tell my girls that at such a young age. But…kids these days. A fast bunch. In my day…back when there were horse drawn carriages…we waited until we were a respectable age to get a bad reputation.
4. “Clean your room!” Yeah…I hated when my parents told me to clean my room. I was very happy to live in my mess. I knew where everything was when it was in the middle of my room, strewn around on the floor. But…I can’t stand walking by my kids rooms and seeing mass destruction. It DRIVES. ME. NUTS!
5. “You’re NOT leaving the house in THAT!” Hey…I was making a fashion statement dressed in neon and black. I hardly think that my kids are doing the same when the try to leave the house wearing orange pants and red shirts…or a pink and black shirt with a green tank top hanging out…with brown gauchos. NOT a pretty look. Definitely NOT a fashion statement.
Here are a couple of things that my parents NEVER had to remind me to do that you can hear me screaming about EVERY.FREAKING.MORNING!
6. “Brush your teeth”. There is only one child…every morning…that I fight with about oral hygiene. And…I have no clue WHY he would even WANT to go to school…having morning breath…all freaking day long?! And yet, every morning…I yell at him to NOT leave this house until he brushes his teeth!! So gross!!
7. “Flush the toilet!” Why do I have to remind them to flush the toilet after they use it? Particularly after they poop. It’s nasty. It smells. The upstairs has a permanent poop oder because they forget to flush. But…the dog has a nice early morning snack…every morning. Note to visitors…don’t let our dog lick you…EVER. I don’t even want to tell you where that face has been.
8. “It’s a snack…not a meal!” Every day after school…the kids come home. And every day after school…like a swarm of termites (or whatever you call a whole bunch of termites) they eat everything in their path. EVERYTHING. They eat me out of house and home. I didn’t realize how much food a pre-teen kid eats. HOLY CRAP!!
And…Here are some things that I hope I NEVER have to say to the kids…
9. “YOUR WHAT?” I really hope that my kids…my girls…when they get to be OF THAT AGE…I hope they use common sense. So that they don’t get knocked up. I’m a firm PRO-CHOICER…and, I’m NOT raising a 15 year old childs…child. NOT EVER!! (Sounds harsh. It is. But, I’m entitled to my opinion.)
10. “I found these in your purse!” Actually, my mom used to find cigarettes in my purse…all the time. So…while I fully expect to find smokes hidden…I really hope I don’t.
11. “Shape up or ship out!” Seriously…the only reason why I hope I never say that to my children is…I hate that expression. I hope it NEVER slips out of my mouth, uninvited!! I knew that my parents were not about to ship me out if I didn’t shape up…just like I’m sure my kids know that same. It’s just a stoopit expression…in my opinion.
12. I can’t think of any more right now.
13…But, I’m sure they’ll come to me…eventually…