My husband and I decided to try to have a baby shortly after we had gotten married. I was 34…I didn’t want to wait much longer because I DID NOT want to have to go through an amnio. I’m a chicken shit, what can I say!?
His ex-wife, when she found out that we were going to try to have a child together, told me not to hold my breath regarding getting pregnant quickly…his guys weren’t good swimmers. Which wasn’t the truth…it’s her female organs that were an obstacle course from having numerous abortions.
Needless to say, I got pregnant after the first time we “tried”. Yeah…real bad swimmers…
We decided to wait a couple of months to tell the parents. For each set of parents we had a different reason for not sharing our exciting news right away…
My parents would be a wreck because of a blood clotting disorder that I have.
His parents…well, his mother…would have been flat out pissed. And…she was…
After she found out that I was pregnant, it took her a couple of months to even acknowledge the fact. Finally, when I was about 4 months pregnant, she called our house. When it was me that answered the phone, she said…”Mazel Tov…I guess.” in a very cold, flat tone.
I responded…”Are you kidding? Well…thanks…I guess.” In a tone that I hoped was just as cold and flat.
But…that was foreshadowing. It let us know EXACTLY how she felt about my pregnancy. And…the baby.
WE WEREN’T WANTED.
She tried. Intermittently. She showed him some interest…every once in a while. Most of the time though…she FLAT OUT couldn’t be bothered with him…especially if any other grandchild was in the general vicinity. If she was holding him on her lap and another one of her grandchildren wanted her, she’d basically throw him off her lap…and I’m NOT exaggerating. If my son was the only child in her presence, well…then she would bless him with attention.
4 1/2 years later…
Nothing changed. She still doesn’t care about him. Actually…basically NO ONE on my husbands side of the family can give a rat’s ass about him. And the sad thing is…
Every single day. Particularly the last few weeks…because he sees his “Bubbie” coming to our house to pick up my husbands two other kids…and not paying a speck of attention to him…he has been asking for her. Begging to see her and his Papa. He cries for them. He claims that he NEEDS to see them. He misses them.
And…they DON’T CARE.
She has told my step-kids that my son is their step-brother. How can that be? They all have the same Daddy…they are blood related. And…she is BLOOD related to him, as well!
Today, when I picked him up from pre-school, he told me that he saw his great grandmother at the schools office. And that he also saw his Bubbie and his aunt (my husbands sister…another story for another day). He told me that he didn’t hug them but he kissed them. And…he only waved to his great-grandmother.
I asked him if he was telling me the truth. It just sounded so far fetched…why would his family be at his school…
He admitted that he made up the story. But…he told me that he misses his Bubbie and his aunt. And that he really needs to see them because he misses them. Real bad, Mommy.
But, we aren’t speaking (yet another story for yet another day)
They are slightly speaking to my husband.
It’s up to him to bring his son to see his family. I’m not. I can’t. I REFUSE.
They are awful. It’s always been a tug-of-war with my son. One minute they like him, the next minute…they want nothing to do with him. Well, they haven’t wanted anything to do with him for OVER A YEAR.
It makes me sick that he misses them. It makes me sad, too. Because they are awful. And so unworthy of my child’s love.
But what can I do? They are his family. I would never, despite a claim…keep my child from his family. Too bad his family stays away from this wonderful, beautiful little boy.
I keep telling myself that it’s their loss. But the reality is…it’s his loss too.
And that is so sad!
This just shows what kind of people they are…small, very very small. To not raise above what ever their petty hang-ups are and acknowledge an innocent child. Good Lord! How do you contain yourself?
This shit ( my language might get yucky here) annoys me! Why, why, why make a child suffer from a person’s anger. How do you not plot to kill these people?!?!?! Sadly enough I deal with this kind of crap too, with people in my family and children etc. SICK people like this don’t deserve to breathe and need to get a fucking life. (there goes that language again Ha!) Your son will grow up to be a much better man and person then they could ever imagine to be.
this kind of thing makes my blood boil. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
You are a better woman than me for letting them breathe the same air as you and your precious son.
That is disgusting!
That really is sad.
Give him an extra squeeze today!!!!
This is awful! Why do grown ups act like children and in the process hurt precious little ones? Poor baby! Hug him extra tight!
Poor little guy…so…why is it that they don’t like him and you? I don’t get it? What’s their deal?
Hi there:
Thanks for letting me come here!
I am SO VERY SAD to read about this situation with your inlaws. It really breaks my heart.
I hope that somehow, someday, it will change for the better. Meanwhile, just do what you can to make him always feel loved, which I know you already do.
It’s terrible what problems these sort of folks can cause. Every family has some! So sorry you have such a big share!!
xoxo
Linda
That hurts my heart. How can anyone be so cold and mean? And your poor little guy! God, that hurts!
Oh man. That makes me so angry.
You are way more stronger than I could ever be. I would fall apart if I felt that one of my children was not cared about.
Kudos to you. And poop on them.
I will never understand how grownup people can be so completely hateful to a CHILD. My father died when my brother and I were very small, and my mother remarried. When my sister was born, my grandparents (father’s parents) didn’t even acknowledge her existence. Finally when she was around 10, my mother actually stood up to them (one of probably 3 times in her entire life that happened) and they started sending her Christmas and birthday presents just like we got. There were only 5 grandchildren total, so it’s not like it was a financial strain. But they were convinced that my stepfather only married my mother for the insurance money (nice assumption – my mother was still only 25 and very pretty when they married). It was years before we started calling him Dad, and the first time I did it in my grandmother’s presence the look of horror on her face was enough to keep me calling him Bill the rest of my life. Eventually he left us and it was a bit of a relief. He was a perfectly nice father, but we never allowed him to get too close because we kept having it beat into our brains what a great man my father was. Maybe, but elevating him to sainthood is hard on young children who are just trying to get on with it.
Tell your husband to get on the shtick. Read my blog and he’ll see how messed up I am and tell his parents to get over themselves! He is their grandchild like the rest of them, and you are his wife and their daughter-in-law and they need to grow up and act like adults, not little spoiled brats who got something taken away in kindergarten class. (Uh, was that too much?)
Well I’m glad I’m not the only one this is pissing off… can I say piss on your blog? Wow. I mean. wow. what can you say to this? And yet now that I’ve given it a little thought, our situation isn’t that far from yours… hmmmm, yep, now I’m really pissed.
And tell me, factor five? (clotting disorder)
Oh that is so terrible. Try explaining to him in the best way possible, in words he can understand, what is going on. You should get your husband in on this and say we have to tell him something cause his heart is breaking. I know you are already doing your best not to bad mouth anyone or talk about it in front of him so what will end of happening is as he gets older he will see how these people are. Maybe they will change their ugly ways and hopefully, for them, it won’t be too late to establish a loving relationship with your sweetie. Adults are such idiots.
Aww. Poor little man.
I just can’t imagine how people can be so cruel. Makes me violently angry, actually.
This post make me so sad. I know exactly what this is like.
I could write a book.
Poor little guy.
(((hugs)))
Sonofabitch. I totally understand. TOTALLY. My FIL literally has held my son one time in 3+ years. And, that one time was when his sister thrust him at him to make him do it, and of course, he held him at arm’s length for a total of five minutes. I cannot tell you how awful it is that people are so terrible to a child that just wants affection. I’m sorry. And, I do get it.
Oh honey, I’m so sorry. Both for you to have to deal with such stress and for your boy for having to suffer the heartbreak.
Try to find some peace in the fact that someday your boy will be old enough to see the true nature of those people and he will be happy not to be close to them.
This makes me so incredibly angry! I can’t wrap my head around how mean some people can be to an innocent child. I truly believe people like this will get their just punishments, somehow, some way, some day – in their case, none too soon.