My husband and I decided to try to have a baby shortly after we had gotten married. I was 34…I didn’t want to wait much longer because I DID NOT want to have to go through an amnio. I’m a chicken shit, what can I say!?
His ex-wife, when she found out that we were going to try to have a child together, told me not to hold my breath regarding getting pregnant quickly…his guys weren’t good swimmers. Which wasn’t the truth…it’s her female organs that were an obstacle course from having numerous abortions.
Needless to say, I got pregnant after the first time we “tried”. Yeah…real bad swimmers…
We decided to wait a couple of months to tell the parents. For each set of parents we had a different reason for not sharing our exciting news right away…
My parents would be a wreck because of a blood clotting disorder that I have.
His parents…well, his mother…would have been flat out pissed. And…she was…
After she found out that I was pregnant, it took her a couple of months to even acknowledge the fact. Finally, when I was about 4 months pregnant, she called our house. When it was me that answered the phone, she said…”Mazel Tov…I guess.” in a very cold, flat tone.
I responded…”Are you kidding? Well…thanks…I guess.” In a tone that I hoped was just as cold and flat.
But…that was foreshadowing. It let us know EXACTLY how she felt about my pregnancy. And…the baby.
WE WEREN’T WANTED.
She tried. Intermittently. She showed him some interest…every once in a while. Most of the time though…she FLAT OUT couldn’t be bothered with him…especially if any other grandchild was in the general vicinity. If she was holding him on her lap and another one of her grandchildren wanted her, she’d basically throw him off her lap…and I’m NOT exaggerating. If my son was the only child in her presence, well…then she would bless him with attention.
4 1/2 years later…
Nothing changed. She still doesn’t care about him. Actually…basically NO ONE on my husbands side of the family can give a rat’s ass about him. And the sad thing is…
Every single day. Particularly the last few weeks…because he sees his “Bubbie” coming to our house to pick up my husbands two other kids…and not paying a speck of attention to him…he has been asking for her. Begging to see her and his Papa. He cries for them. He claims that he NEEDS to see them. He misses them.
And…they DON’T CARE.
She has told my step-kids that my son is their step-brother. How can that be? They all have the same Daddy…they are blood related. And…she is BLOOD related to him, as well!
Today, when I picked him up from pre-school, he told me that he saw his great grandmother at the schools office. And that he also saw his Bubbie and his aunt (my husbands sister…another story for another day). He told me that he didn’t hug them but he kissed them. And…he only waved to his great-grandmother.
I asked him if he was telling me the truth. It just sounded so far fetched…why would his family be at his school…
He admitted that he made up the story. But…he told me that he misses his Bubbie and his aunt. And that he really needs to see them because he misses them. Real bad, Mommy.
But, we aren’t speaking (yet another story for yet another day)
They are slightly speaking to my husband.
It’s up to him to bring his son to see his family. I’m not. I can’t. I REFUSE.
They are awful. It’s always been a tug-of-war with my son. One minute they like him, the next minute…they want nothing to do with him. Well, they haven’t wanted anything to do with him for OVER A YEAR.
It makes me sick that he misses them. It makes me sad, too. Because they are awful. And so unworthy of my child’s love.
But what can I do? They are his family. I would never, despite a claim…keep my child from his family. Too bad his family stays away from this wonderful, beautiful little boy.
I keep telling myself that it’s their loss. But the reality is…it’s his loss too.
And that is so sad!